Too many "me" generationers for successful marriage - Talk About Marriage
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post #1 of 91 (permalink) Old 08-12-2013, 04:41 PM Thread Starter
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Too many "me" generationers for successful marriage

Male, married 26 years, 2 college age kids, success reason:

Because both of us took the words "till death do us part" seriously. We committed to the institution of marriage, and the two of us are just in it for the ride. Do we always love each other, yes. Do we always like each other, no.
Take each other for granted, yes. We both take for granted the knowledge that the other is committed, and whatever our arguments, there will be the two of us when it is ironed out.
So many of today's relationships die because the parties only know about "me". They have been raised in the "me" generation, they have been forever (mostly falsely) praised by their parents so as to not hurt their self esteem. Momma and daddy have never let them struggle through something, and blatantly fail, so they have no skills to put together an ensuing plan to succeed. They have been given everything and told that they can have everything the want in life.....BS.
They are self centered and egotistical immature people who do not understand that their partner is not there to make them happy and constantly pump up their fragile ego.

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post #2 of 91 (permalink) Old 08-12-2013, 06:05 PM
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Re: Too many "me" generationers for successful marriage

I would agree with every thing you say except the "ME" deade was the 1970's and was actually ours (born in late 60s - children of the 70s - teens of the 80s)

What you are referring to are the ENTITLED generation - Gen-Xers and all born thereafter lol

lovingly referred to as the ME ME ME generation by Ben Stein

cool article about exactly what you are saying

Every Every Every Generation Has Been the Me Me Me Generation - Elspeth Reeve - The Atlantic Wire

(P.S. I think frankly that MOST people are selfish and self-centered regardless of when they were born and raised.....but I completely know what you are talking about)
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post #3 of 91 (permalink) Old 08-12-2013, 06:21 PM
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Re: Too many "me" generationers for successful marriage

There are many people of ALL generations who are happily married.

I'm not sure why we need to just cast a general stone in the direction of any generation? What is the point of it?

Divorce is on the rise but that is a very complicated issue and certainly isn't any one group of people's fault.

Remember the goal of feminism: Making sure only alphas get laid!
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post #4 of 91 (permalink) Old 08-12-2013, 06:22 PM
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Re: Too many "me" generationers for successful marriage

Also...having been divorced once and it being one of the most painful experiences of my life, I don't really like it when anyone just assumes they know that divorces occur due to me or my ex-h or both of us being "self centered and egotistical immature people who do not understand that their partner is not there to make them happy and constantly pump up their fragile ego."

Harumph.

Remember the goal of feminism: Making sure only alphas get laid!
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post #5 of 91 (permalink) Old 08-12-2013, 06:25 PM
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Re: Too many "me" generationers for successful marriage

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Originally Posted by lapdog View Post
Male, married 26 years, 2 college age kids, success reason:

Because both of us took the words "till death do us part" seriously. We committed to the institution of marriage, and the two of us are just in it for the ride. Do we always love each other, yes. Do we always like each other, no.
Take each other for granted, yes. We both take for granted the knowledge that the other is committed, and whatever our arguments, there will be the two of us when it is ironed out.
So many of today's relationships die because the parties only know about "me". They have been raised in the "me" generation, they have been forever (mostly falsely) praised by their parents so as to not hurt their self esteem. Momma and daddy have never let them struggle through something, and blatantly fail, so they have no skills to put together an ensuing plan to succeed. They have been given everything and told that they can have everything the want in life.....BS.
They are self centered and egotistical immature people who do not understand that their partner is not there to make them happy and constantly pump up their fragile ego.
If we are throwing generational stones though...

Who were the parents of the parents who raised their kids as such, hmmm? Whic adults should we blame for the kids? Lets put a year on when everything went wrong. I blame Hoover.

(The article is hilarious, people always complain about generational gaps. Get off my lawn with your hip hop music.)
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post #6 of 91 (permalink) Old 08-12-2013, 06:30 PM
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Re: Too many "me" generationers for successful marriage

Every Generation blames mommy or daddy or both

generalizing generationist generalizations

by the way...where can I get those Generational Stones...I'm thinking it may be even better than Pet Rocks

Last edited by Unique Username; 08-12-2013 at 06:35 PM.
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post #7 of 91 (permalink) Old 08-12-2013, 06:32 PM
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Re: Too many "me" generationers for successful marriage

Heck let's blame the King of England as it is HIS regime that brought us to America anyway!!!

Hoover was a good choice....lol.....but if we are attaching blame to Presidents then I choose FDR since he came up with all this aid and organizations that are all acronyms....and he hunted endangered species...oh wait that was his relative Teddy
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post #8 of 91 (permalink) Old 08-13-2013, 02:15 PM
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Re: Too many "me" generationers for successful marriage

I've seen too many marriages with the OP philosophy who are so unhappy in their marriages that they spread their unhappiness to their kids and everyone they know. To me its parallel to Ralph Waldo Emerson's quote but I would say foolish commitment is the hob goblin of little minds instead.

I, like many have had a long marriage and mostly a good one and we try to work through our issues. And we have had significant issues. The part about your philosophy that I like is addressing the issues. However it is foolish to think all issues can be resolved to both parties satisfaction for everyone.

Things are a lot more grey and relative for many people especially those that did not choose a good partner. Attributing irreconcilable differences to selfishness and a lack of commitment is just putting your head in the sand to the realities of human nature.

I don't want to not live because of my fear of what could happen. - Laird Hamilton
Listen to your spouse!
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post #9 of 91 (permalink) Old 08-13-2013, 02:58 PM
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Re: Too many "me" generationers for successful marriage

A good marriage is about waiting for the right person. The person you marry must share your core values. You need to look for someone who in their core matches you. To do this you must first know who you are and what you believe.

You also need the patience to search for what you desire and look past the outside. I have seen friends marry because she was beautiful but inside she was a total beach. As her looks faded so did the relationship. I have friends who have good marriages because they waited, looked past exterior beauty and found a compatible mate.

The "me" generation is a term given to the late 60s babies because they had more creature comforts growing up. Todays kids have even more comforts. Does that mean they can't carry a meaningful relationship? I hope not.

My children were raised with god, with rules, with character and with responsibility. They know the value of hard work because my wife and I demonstrated that to them. They have self respect, respect for others and love of god and country. I think it's about the example set by the parents not allowing them to be raised without guidance and morals.

So you want a great next generation then step up and raise your children. Teach them the values they will need to carry a relationship that you will be proud of by making kids with values you and they can be proud of.

It starts with you, with example step by you. Teach them god, respect and love by demonstration.
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post #10 of 91 (permalink) Old 08-13-2013, 03:10 PM
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Re: Too many "me" generationers for successful marriage

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Originally Posted by Faithful Wife View Post
Also...having been divorced once and it being one of the most painful experiences of my life, I don't really like it when anyone just assumes they know that divorces occur due to me or my ex-h or both of us being "self centered and egotistical immature people who do not understand that their partner is not there to make them happy and constantly pump up their fragile ego."

Harumph.
I think he is referring to marriage vows meaning until death do us part and that being an honest decision made. You being divorced obviously felt at some point the wrongs in the marriage outweighed the vows taken. I am not judging your decision, I am just stating that for some marriage actually is supposed to mean until death do us part.
you hear it all the time on TAM that "life is too short" , "no kids, move on, its not worth it"
well it is not worth it if "you" are more important that the "union" created when the vows were taken.
again, I firmly believe the religious part of marriage to be a joke and that vows show intent and intent only. That we are responsible for ourselves and cannot depend on anyone to make us happy nor can we let others stomp all over the marriage and just live with it. Past generations treated the vows differently though as a percentage, right or wrong.

I do not necessarily agree with the poster that marriages fail due to people not working through the difficulty, I do believe to an extent that what the poster is saying is true to a degree due to the simple fact that people are so ready to cheat and lie in todays world and it is today so much easier to have affairs that it is simply more of a norm than ever before and in this context is generational in nature.

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post #11 of 91 (permalink) Old 08-13-2013, 08:24 PM
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Re: Too many "me" generationers for successful marriage

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you hear it all the time on TAM that "life is too short" , "no kids, move on, its not worth it"
Yes, you most certainly do.

What they don't tell you is that statistics show 2nd marriages are more likely to fail (and in a shorter amount of time) than first marriages. 3rd marriages even more so!

It would be funny if it wasn't so painful.

So, learn to work things out, or learn to D, it would seem.
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post #12 of 91 (permalink) Old 08-13-2013, 08:35 PM
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Re: Too many "me" generationers for successful marriage

The only reason divorce is more common now is because people aren't willing to put up with so much crap as they did before because of society. Women now can live independently without having to worry about the views on divorced women. And men don't have to hid the fact that they married a cheating tramp and can show her the door and lock it too.
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post #13 of 91 (permalink) Old 08-13-2013, 09:21 PM
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Re: Too many "me" generationers for successful marriage

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The only reason divorce is more common now is because people aren't willing to put up with so much crap as they did before because of society. Women now can live independently without having to worry about the views on divorced women. And men don't have to hid the fact that they married a cheating tramp and can show her the door and lock it too.
Yet everyone says D is one of the most painful things they ever went through. Maybe working things out like they did in the old days isn't that bad after all.

You say they "put up with crap", back then. Hmmm, maybe some did.

Still, I don't believe for a second that people getting D today are any "happier" (god I love that term!) than their grandparents who stuck it out when things got tough.
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post #14 of 91 (permalink) Old 08-13-2013, 09:35 PM
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Re: Too many "me" generationers for successful marriage

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Yet everyone says D is one of the most painful things they ever went through. Maybe working things out like they did in the old days isn't that bad after all.

You say they "put up with crap", back then. Hmmm, maybe some did.

Still, I don't believe for a second that people getting D today are any "happier" (god I love that term!) than their grandparents who stuck it out when things got tough.
Things were not worked on, they were swept under the rug, and a blind eye was turned. Even marriage counseling is a newer and more popular term. Imagine having to hush up about a cheating or abusive spouse? Not even websites like this one.

I do belive people can be happy after divorce, it may be painful but at least not a lifetime of pain and suffering in silence.
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post #15 of 91 (permalink) Old 08-13-2013, 09:50 PM
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Re: Too many "me" generationers for successful marriage

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Still, I don't believe for a second that people getting D today are any "happier" (god I love that term!) than their grandparents who stuck it out when things got tough.
I sure believe it! My grandparents were married until the day my grandmother died (but one of them was an alcoholic).

One set of uncle/aunt were married until the day my uncle died (but one of them had mental problems and spent money faster than they made it).

Another uncle/aunt were married until my uncle died (but, again, one was an alcoholic).

Why is it so inconceivable that I am "happier" (god I love that term, too!!!) than they were? I am not yoked to an alcoholic. I am no longer yoked to a selfish, self-centered spendthrift. I work hard (and smart); I save my money (my ex NEVER did). I am finally feeling more financially secure, am around positive people (my ex considers everyone except himself an a-hole), and have a peaceful existence without having to walk on eggshells (since I no longer have to worry about 'what' will set off ex's explosive temper).

If my relatives believed that they were getting a 'better' place in Heaven because they stayed together in a hellish marriage, so be it! Everyone is entitled to their beliefs. If *that* is what it takes to get to Heaven, then I'm sure I'll be enjoying Hades with my friends and fellow life-enjoyers who realize that this life may, in fact, be all there is. Why waste it?
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