firstkid7

So my wife has left for the weekend..... We have had little intimacy in our marriage over the past 26 months. I do not know where she is...We had no fights, she has constantly complimented me on being such a good husband. She turned her phone of after sending me a message saying that she was where ever she was going. She would not tell me were that is.

She sends me a email from her work yesterday telling me
again that she is o.k at 10 at night. She thanks me in the email for being so nice and that she appreciates it more than I will ever know.

All I can do is think that she is with someone else having wild crazy sex.... I know this is probably my imagination but her pattern over her life has been actually through the last 8 of her relationships is to be with someone for about two to three years and then she finds someone else to rescue her from the relationship that she is in....

It is so hard to leave your heart open knowing at any minute she could devastate you. My first wife cheated on me and had multiple affairs and this was done while I was in full time ministry preaching to thousands all over the place....I can not help to think that my wife now who is turning away from the things of God and even studying
Buddism and all this other stuff because she is a librarian and she has to read everything, is going to latch on to someone else and I will be devastated again....

If my wife is not having sex with me then she has to be getting it from somewhere.... Can women just turn
off those drives and just totally shut down in those areas.....

I am so insecure and I guess I am trying to find out how long I should leave my heart out there to be trampled upon....


She says that she will never be able to filter life through a Christian perspective.... She knew and represented her faith to me before we got married and knew I was a minister....

We did marriage counseling, talked to numerous pastors, and everyone thought our marriage was a great idea. No one had any red flags not even my parents....

What to do???

Workingitout

Yes, women can turn it off, not be interested, hormonal thing, masturbate. The bigger problem is your lack of communication and intimacy. You will need to work on that first to fix what else is wrong. Goodluck.

Blanca

she's really manipulating you. she's reenforcing your belief that your permissive 'dont-ask-dont-tell' policy is a benevolent thing. if you stand up for yourself she's now ingrained in you that you'd be being mean- which you fear.

If you can learn to set healthy boundaries with her and yourself it will really help you in your ministry. Right now im pretty sure you have no idea what you're preaching about.

__________________


"I'm a lover of what is, not because I'm a spiritual person, but because it hurts when I argue with reality."
- Bryon Katie

Rob774

Your wife has it good, gets to go away when she pleases and not tell you where she is at, and then compliment you like a little puppy dog for not prying into her affairs. How about this... instead of being a doormat, next time she pulls this, pack all your things and leave outta the house, so when she comes back from her fling, the house is empty of all traces of you ever living there. Yes, woman's needs can go dry, but when they have a history of cheating and then dissapears like this... you know the second after she texts you, she's unzipping some guys pants. Save your dignity... and leave now!!!

Rob774

Your wife has it good, gets to go away when she pleases and not tell you where she is at, and then compliment you like a little puppy dog for not prying into her affairs. How about this... instead of being a doormat, next time she pulls this, pack all your things and leave outta the house, so when she comes back from her fling, the house is empty of all traces of you ever living there. Yes, woman's needs can go dry, but when they have a history of cheating and then dissapears like this... you know the second after she texts you, she's unzipping some guys pants. Save your dignity... and leave now!!!

Or better yet, confront her, and demand to know what's going on. Inform her that this type of behavior is not acceptable in a marriage.

JohnMav

If you feel really uncomfortable with what your wife is doing right now, the best solution is to talk her through. Share your feelings, share your experiences... and let her know how you felt about everything. This is the only way out to release your own feelings and also know what she is doing. Guessing is always a wrong approach, and maybe she didn't know that you are suffering as well! If you value this relationship, you need to step forward by expressing your true feelings to her.

Threetimesalady

Talk to her....That's about all you can do....