Wow! Part of this sounded like a cat fight. There are a lot of good and valid points being made. There is also a LOT of room for growth. Men inherently know that relationships and communication are women's forte and not their own. Men get easily (and often quickly) overwhelmed when dealing with emotion. Dr. John Gottman terms this being "flooded." We need coaching, training, and gentle nudging to grow in our ability to learn competency in something that is natural in the toolbox of women.
Many of these expectations should have been negotiated, voiced, and encouraged during the dating/courtship process. If they were met at that point but H dropped them later, that is deception and needs to be addressed - not requiring decapitation rather accountability. Both parties need acknowledgement of the behaviors that are good and endearing. Otherwise, the existing effort may disappear.
Both partners deserve respect, boundaries to honored, communication both verbal and physical that is positive, and endorsement of opportunities to grow and flourish as individuals and as a unified couple.
So - define what your world should look like in a marriage. Invite your partner to join you in the adventure. If substantive objections are raised, consider whether a negotiated compromise is possible. If not or if the objection is insincere, start living as the best spouse you can be - for the benefit of your growth. In the two-income family arrangements we see in today's world, that can be challenging for an uncooperative partner.
You don't need permission to be the best person you can be. The resulting product of your efforts will usually produce some level of change in your "Honey."
Tim
www.asuccessfulmarriage.om 
Re: What are your realistic expectations of your spouse? 
), it's worked for us.
