08-11-2008, 05:37 PM
Join Date: Aug 2008
| | Married 11+ Years...Love Endured and Conquered!
Married 11+ Years...Love Endured and Conquered!
I have posted a lot of my story in another thread. We started dating 14 years ago. We were in the same group of friends but never really talked to each other. I never really tried anything or talked to her because she had a boyfriend at the time. I could tell that there was something about her that I knew was familiar or that somehow I knew I would be able to connect with her. Shortly after she broke up with her boyfriend, her and her friend where hanging out at my house with me and my friend. We all decided to go to the apartment complex pool. Our 2 friends were very promiscuous so they promptly started a make-out session in the pool while I really talked to my wife for the first time by the jacuzzi. We had a great talk and immediately had a connection. We went back to my place and our 2 friends ended up in the bedroom with the door closed. I nervously talked to my future wife more and eventually asked her if I could kiss her. She said yes... It wasn't a passionate or romantic kiss but it was still something very special.
From that point on we started dating and at first I didn't really know how to be in a close relationship. I still spent a lot of time with my friends while ignoring her. Eventually she talked to me about it and we had a real heart to heart talk. From that point on we were a lot closer and our love grew over time.
It was now time for her to go away to school about a 10 hour drive away. After some heartfelt letters and words, she left. Only a week later she decided she wasn't ready and came back home. One of the reasons she did was because there was something special between us that she wasn't ready to leave. Love conquered!
A few months later my dad was out of town and she stayed with me for a few days and played house. We had a great time together and waking up next to her for the first time is one of my most cherished memories. We spent hours together every day for months and she would even wait for me for hours by my apartment for me to get home from work.
Eventually after a year of being home, she really did have to leave for college (in another state) and this time we knew she wasn't coming back. I thought I would be ok when she left... That I would get over things... I didn't... I experienced a loneliness that I had never known. Part of me was gone. I started spending all of my money on phone calls and plane tickets to see her. She was in college trying to make a new life for herself. She was lonely and made friends there. Unfortunately for me, these friends' favorite activity was to get extremely drunk and go to frat parties. That was hard to deal with for me because I knew it was dangerous. She came back down to visit and we had a great time together. A month or 2 later I went to her college and stayed with her for a few days. Again we had a great great time. I told her that I was going to make plans to go to school with her the next semester. A few days later, she went with her friends to one of these frat parties and got drunk. She missed me, she was lonely, drunk, immature, selfish, and had low self esteem and my worst nightmare came true. She ended up sleeping with someone... The next day we talked on the phone and I could hear in her voice that something was wrong. I pleaded with her to talk to me about it and she told me what had happened. I was DEVASTED. For days I could barely eat or sleep and the painful thoughts replayed in mind over and over. The pridefall part of me wanted to break up with her immediately but my heart was still totally in love with her. I actually did break up with her for a short time then she broke up with me for a short time because of my anger. She came home for Christmas break and neither of us knew what to do. On some days she would run away from me and on others she wanted to be with me. I didn't know whether to continue my plans to go to school with her or not. It was a difficult and confusing time. Eventually we talked it over and decided that I would go to school with her. That was one of the hardest decisions of my life and hers as well. We re-connected once I moved up there and we spent tons of time together. She want to sleep every night in my arms. We still had problems over what happened and I was still very angry and hurt but we both knew that we still loved each other deeply and had to be together.
I finally decided that I knew I couldn't live without her and asked her to marry me. She said "Yes". Later I decided I couldn't stand that school anymore and asked her to move into an apartment with me and go to a different school closer to home. After some reluctance, she agreed.
We moved into an apartment together, got our first pets, and had a difficult year prior to our marriage. There was still a lot of anger and pain over what had happened at the frat party and I lashed out at her big time over it... At times she had her bags packed ready to go back home if it got too bad (I didn't know about this until years later).
We then had a wonderful wedding and a wonderful honeymoon. A year or two later we took a trip to Europe together and had a blast. Shortly after we moved into our first house together and we had a baby on the way. In 2000 our first daughter was born. In 2002, our second daughter was born. Later we moved to a different state close to my family and love it here.
This past December I admitted to occasionally having issues with pornography. She was very hurt as she already had self esteem issues. When I saw how much it hurt her, I vowed never to engage in any of that again without her. Since then our sex life has improved even more! I now see her body as my only release and she is more attractive to me than ever! I'm practically drooling if she is changing or getting out of the shower. Our communication opened up even more too. We tell each other EVERYTHING. Like I said in the other thread, my only stupid issue is that the past (that booze/party night so long ago) still haunts me to this day but I am working through that issue. I owe it to her and I owe it to myself to get over it completely. We are sooo close and our relationship is fantastic. For the past 11 years, she has been a very loving, faithful, and simply awesome wife.