guardianangel

Hi everyone,

This is my first post here and since I cannot find an introductory page, let me share to you why I am still married to the same woman for over 12 years.

First of all, my wife was adopted by my aunt when she was more than a month old which makes her my first cousin by name. Up to this moment, no one knows who and where her parents are. I met her when I was already 22 and she's 15. Since we were together in the same house, we fell in love with each other two years later. Since she was young then, it never came to my mind that she will be my wife six years later.

With that, I can say that our start was really tough since my relatives cannot accept that we were meant for each other. That is why we decided to live far away from them. I hope you can imagine how hard we went through.

Now after 12 long years, I can say that our marriage is a success and I think we are really meant for each other. So how do we maintain it. Here is our daily habit.

In the morning, we greet each other with a sweet smile while preparing for breakfast and watching the morning news. We talk about anything in the sun. Communication is our most common interest and we never run out of something to share. In the evening after I come home from work, we still do the same and until now that our children usually pinch in.

Sounds boring? Not for us, because we argue too. However, we meet halfway especially when it comes to children as we do not want to confuse them. Again, communication is the key for us. Do we fight? Of course we do, because there are some honest mistakes in between but we always keep the fight healthy.

Actually, our friends are surprise that we seem to be always happy in spite of our daily battle against economical problems. So what is our secret? - communication! No one may believe me but the night when we decided to get married was pure talk. We lay down all our cards and share each other's secret, likes, dislikes, how many kids we should have and the more important thing - what to do if we will have problems in the future. We knew that life ahead will be tough that is why we do not allow anger, jealousy, and pride to add to our daily problems. Instead, we crack jokes and laugh a lot.

My advice - talk, listen and understand. Whether you agree or disagree on a certain matter, be honest. Being a man does not mean we are always right, and it will not make us half a man if we accept that we are wrong. After all, marriage is a two-way leadership. No boss, no slave.

But most of all, do not forget about the humor as it adds life - better than sex!

Well, I am sorry for the long post but I hope someone can learn from it.

Thanks!

justean

it wasnt a long post. it was a good read.
your right in what you say.

and yes i have to put the but in -
im more of the leader, your right about the humour -
but better than sex - going have to go 50/ 50 on that one.

guardianangel

Really? Well, thank you very much. This is the first time I reveal some personal things about my marriage in a forum but I do not regret it.

justean

i think you wil find there are alot of ppl u can get on with on the forum.
really- it was a very pleasant read. what u said is very personal and alot of ppl cant even do that. which sometimes is a shame.
im pleased you dont regret it.

draconis

You are so right about communication. I am glad to see you made it all these years.

draconis

__________________
www.myspace.com/draconis1973

Triton

Good read - Keep it up. Remember it is not over until -Death do you part . It is a marathon and you are at mile 12. Keep on communicating . Rock On !

guardianangel

Thanks for the wonderful comments. I really appreciate them!

See you around!

jennyc

That was a great post...thank you for sharing that with us!

guardianangel

You're welcome. It is my pleasure to inspire others and to find out that someone was eager to read it after almost a month of posting.

kiran23

Yes It's Long Post, But When we write from our Heart that time we wrote 100% True.........
Same like you...........


Thanks for True Thread........

guardianangel

I never realized that after more than a month of my last reply someone could still find this and leave inspiring comments.

Thanks a lot!

mark11

Talking about communication ! I find this a bit hard to swallow. Before my wife and i married, i thought everything was fine in terms of communication. Only that i introduced most of the topics and often thought from time to time that she evaded some arguements remaining silent. I thought this was due to her not knowing what to say and swallowed it. It was after our marriage for the first time that i got a clue that she stammered, when i friend came visiting and put it to her. The stammering became obvious to me 2yrs later after our marriage after carefully understudying her behaviour in public. She never mentioned to me that she stammered even though she alluded to it talking about her childhood (but not presently as an adult). It has now come to my knowledge that before we married, she was carefully avoiding discussion/arguments that could bring out her stammering. She mentioned to me once after i discovered how she would use alternative words other than those that could get her stuck. My challenge now is that should i not have been told all these before marriage? Could i not be put in a position of deciding whether or not i will be able to develop a relationship with someone who stuttered (especially as i never met anyone priviously?). I need views on how to proceed with this relationship without feeling robbed or decieved in a relationship that should mean so much. We are both Christians and are not considering the divorce path.