Getting a similar reaction as a stranger would. possible? - Page 2 - Talk About Marriage
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post #16 of 32 (permalink) Old 08-23-2014, 08:43 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Getting a similar reaction as a stranger would. possible?

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It sounds like you mean it though? right? I have to ask did she apologize to you for saying "I could kiss you" to the waiter? I think that was disrespectful to you.
Yeah i mentioned that it hurt and she said sorry. In our discussion about it she said its' nice to hear it from me but it's different from someone else. I guess it is......

I guess i am wanting to be something i never could, the ultimate fantasy man to my wife. Oh well, i know she loves me to death.

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post #17 of 32 (permalink) Old 08-23-2014, 09:02 PM
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Re: Getting a similar reaction as a stranger would. possible?

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Yeah i mentioned that it hurt and she said sorry. In our discussion about it she said its' nice to hear it from me but it's different from someone else. I guess it is......

I guess i am wanting to be something i never could, the ultimate fantasy man to my wife. Oh well, i know she loves me to death.
We ALL make mistakes with our spouses, sometimes we talk first before acting honorably.....Is there something else going on?
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post #18 of 32 (permalink) Old 08-23-2014, 09:07 PM
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Re: Getting a similar reaction as a stranger would. possible?

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When someone feels so compelled to compliment that they forget convention it is probably sincere. They really felt that way. They may even feel embarrassed they blurted it out.

That feels good.

It just does.

If your husband compliments toy all the time our of habit it loses something. If he never does it... If he only does it when he wants something...

The guy who genuinely means it and says it regularly... dunno. Maybe it isn't believed even though it is sincere. Why not? Either she didn't believe because she doesn't feel it reflects reality or you say it too much and it has lost its punch.

The occasional sincere compliment is worth its weight.


A spouse can give to MANY compliments? I respectfully disagree. One is married to another for ideally a lifetime, why not feed and shower them with compliments, especially if the receiving spouses love language is "talk/acts of service?".....giving regular compliments to one IS an ACT of service...
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post #19 of 32 (permalink) Old 08-23-2014, 09:53 PM
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Re: Getting a similar reaction as a stranger would. possible?

Yes a spouse can give too many compliments.

Do you feed and shower your spouse with them?
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post #20 of 32 (permalink) Old 08-24-2014, 03:09 PM
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Re: Getting a similar reaction as a stranger would. possible?

Good evening over20
At least for me its a different sort of effect. When your partner says something nice, especially if you have been together a long time it means something very special and important.

If a stranger tosses you a compliment it provides a quick but short lasting thrill. A chocolate, rather than a meal.

It helps support that feeling that you are with your partner because you WANT to be with them, not have any creeping doubt that maybe no one else would have you. (I think in an ideal relationship, each partner feels that they have their pick of a huge number of people - but have chosen the person they are with).

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I see your point Richard, and I have to say you are always sooo polite and friendly with your greetings

On the flip side though, I find my husbands compliments to mean MORE to me because he also knows of my flaws. The stranger doesn't.
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post #21 of 32 (permalink) Old 08-25-2014, 10:55 AM
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Re: Getting a similar reaction as a stranger would. possible?

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Yes a spouse can give too many compliments.

Do you feed and shower your spouse with them?
Yes, I do! I tell him how proud I am of him for providing for me and our children. I tell him how good looking he is as an older man and that I still find him sexy...(i.e. nice arzz, sexy eyes, great shoulders). I thank him for remaining sexually pure in a very tempting profession. I tell him how smart he is for knowing how to fix our cars and home on top of knowing medicine.....

I adore him and never want him to be starved for affection or words of praise....


In turn he thanks me for being his "number one fan and blonde angel"
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post #22 of 32 (permalink) Old 08-25-2014, 02:14 PM
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Re: Getting a similar reaction as a stranger would. possible?

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I see your point Richard, and I have to say you are always sooo polite and friendly with your greetings

On the flip side though, I find my husbands compliments to mean MORE to me because he also knows of my flaws. The stranger doesn't.
You are the right kind of wife. You know in a bar environment people are going to be hit on, it means no big deal and they will do it to the next woman if you weren't there. Your husbands remarks and actions carry much more weight, when like your seeing to some in the world, the strangers remarks and actions carry much more weight and power.
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post #23 of 32 (permalink) Old 08-25-2014, 05:46 PM
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Re: Getting a similar reaction as a stranger would. possible?

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You are the right kind of wife. You know in a bar environment people are going to be hit on, it means no big deal and they will do it to the next woman if you weren't there. Your husbands remarks and actions carry much more weight, when like your seeing to some in the world, the strangers remarks and actions carry much more weight and power.
Exactly....to my husband I am "the" one in a million...to other men I am one "of" a million.
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post #24 of 32 (permalink) Old 08-25-2014, 05:51 PM
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Re: Getting a similar reaction as a stranger would. possible?

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Originally Posted by richardsharpe View Post
Good evening over20
At least for me its a different sort of effect. When your partner says something nice, especially if you have been together a long time it means something very special and important.

If a stranger tosses you a compliment it provides a quick but short lasting thrill. A chocolate, rather than a meal.

It helps support that feeling that you are with your partner because you WANT to be with them, not have any creeping doubt that maybe no one else would have you. (I think in an ideal relationship, each partner feels that they have their pick of a huge number of people - but have chosen the person they are with).
Well we need regular meals to be in optimal health. But what kind of life would we have without a little chocolate? Now if you're eating chocolate all the time that not good for you but a little here and there is lovely.
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post #25 of 32 (permalink) Old 08-25-2014, 06:27 PM
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Re: Getting a similar reaction as a stranger would. possible?

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Exactly....to my husband I am "the" one in a million...to other men I am one "of" a million.
They don't have easy access to you, the hubs does. Also you don't blindly trust them or their motives or intentions, because they are NOT your man. I know the mindset.

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post #26 of 32 (permalink) Old 08-25-2014, 06:53 PM
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Re: Getting a similar reaction as a stranger would. possible?

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They don't have easy access to you, the hubs does. Also you don't blindly trust them or their motives or intentions, because they are NOT your man. I know the mindset.



I think that's how it's suppose to be though.
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post #27 of 32 (permalink) Old 08-25-2014, 06:56 PM
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Re: Getting a similar reaction as a stranger would. possible?

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Well we need regular meals to be in optimal health. But what kind of life would we have without a little chocolate? Now if you're eating chocolate all the time that not good for you but a little here and there is lovely.
I think the difference is between SEEKING chocolate or CHOCOLATE seeking you.........the latter, one can not help.
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post #28 of 32 (permalink) Old 08-25-2014, 08:16 PM
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Re: Getting a similar reaction as a stranger would. possible?

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I think that's how it's suppose to be though.
Well we know from TAM that there are a lot of situations, and sometimes the situation our spouse desired was not something e would have signed up for.

IE: the husband or wife may have been a literal manniguan stand-in to their life. Not your life, their life. So all that damage and bumps you should have been gracious to accept.

My preferred relationship format is more of your style.
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post #29 of 32 (permalink) Old 08-25-2014, 09:00 PM
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Re: Getting a similar reaction as a stranger would. possible?

by comparison it doesn't seem like your husband is showering you with the same sort of compliments. his compliments to you are to say thank you for making him feel good.
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post #30 of 32 (permalink) Old 08-26-2014, 12:23 AM
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Re: Getting a similar reaction as a stranger would. possible?

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by comparison it doesn't seem like your husband is showering you with the same sort of compliments. his compliments to you are to say thank you for making him feel good.
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I don't understand? Do you really, want to know how else he compliments me?. I only shared a few examples for arguments sake.

Last edited by over20; 08-26-2014 at 07:20 AM.
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