Getting a similar reaction as a stranger would. possible? - Talk About Marriage
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post #1 of 32 (permalink) Old 08-23-2014, 12:33 AM Thread Starter
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Getting a similar reaction as a stranger would. possible?

Hello all, i just made my first post on a thread that started back in 2013 and decided that because of how much it bothers me i would start a tread about it.

Here is what happened a year or so ago. My wife and i are out on a couples date night. My wife was 37. The waiter (definitely not attractive and the first time we saw him) asks us what we wanted to drink and she says a tequila sunrise. Well he asks her for ID and she just blurted out "thank you i could kiss you". I have said things like how young she looks, you don't age, baby face, and all i get is a smile and a thank you with a "yeah right" facial expression.

So i ask, how are we to make our wives feel young?

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post #2 of 32 (permalink) Old 08-23-2014, 06:02 AM
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Re: Getting a similar reaction as a stranger would. possible?

I think you sound like a very thoughtful husband and are saying the right things already. It is up the her though to make herself FEEL young. She can exercise, reduce stress, wear trendy clothes and most importantly (at least I feel) is her MENTAL attitude. At any age you can teach yourself to be young at heart. I think you can just see it on some people in their face and especially their eyes glow with joy.
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post #3 of 32 (permalink) Old 08-23-2014, 06:07 AM
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Re: Getting a similar reaction as a stranger would. possible?

I personally don't think it means the same when it comes from a partner. I love that my man says nice things about me but it never hits home until someone else says it. Your partner is meant to tell you sweet nothings, so coming from someone else it hits home.
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post #4 of 32 (permalink) Old 08-23-2014, 06:43 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Getting a similar reaction as a stranger would. possible?

Yeah i get that, perhaps if we said it with real intensity and of course mean it?
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post #5 of 32 (permalink) Old 08-23-2014, 08:31 AM
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Re: Getting a similar reaction as a stranger would. possible?

It sounds like you mean it though? right? I have to ask did she apologize to you for saying "I could kiss you" to the waiter? I think that was disrespectful to you.
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post #6 of 32 (permalink) Old 08-23-2014, 08:54 AM
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Re: Getting a similar reaction as a stranger would. possible?

When I compliment my wife I still see she appreciates it. But I do believe it means more to her when she sees someone she hasn't seen in awhile give her a compliment like " I can't believe you have two kids" or things of that nature.

Stop complaining about what you don't have...start enjoying what you do have.
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post #7 of 32 (permalink) Old 08-23-2014, 09:45 AM
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Re: Getting a similar reaction as a stranger would. possible?

Good morning all
While compliments from a long term partner are very nice, there is also something very satisfying about getting an unexpected compliment from a stranger.
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post #8 of 32 (permalink) Old 08-23-2014, 10:33 AM
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Re: Getting a similar reaction as a stranger would. possible?

I see your point Richard, and I have to say you are always sooo polite and friendly with your greetings

On the flip side though, I find my husbands compliments to mean MORE to me because he also knows of my flaws. The stranger doesn't.
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post #9 of 32 (permalink) Old 08-23-2014, 12:50 PM
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Re: Getting a similar reaction as a stranger would. possible?

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Originally Posted by Cleigh View Post
I personally don't think it means the same when it comes from a partner. I love that my man says nice things about me but it never hits home until someone else says it. Your partner is meant to tell you sweet nothings, so coming from someone else it hits home.
Sorry, Cleigh, but I think this is a pretty poor attitude. Really taking your partner for granted. My W used to do the same thing--as a matter of fact she used to say "You don't count" in these situations! Not until I let her know how bad this sounded did she change her tune.
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post #10 of 32 (permalink) Old 08-23-2014, 01:04 PM
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Re: Getting a similar reaction as a stranger would. possible?

I get lots of compliments from my hb and I love them, but when a stranger says something they're not biased. Aren't you guys always telling us that we're attractive to you in part because you love us? So while we love and appreciate that it also makes you a little biased -

A stranger doesn't know me and isn't invested in me so his/her opinion is unbiased.

But it still means a ton coming from you so keep it up!
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post #11 of 32 (permalink) Old 08-23-2014, 01:12 PM
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Re: Getting a similar reaction as a stranger would. possible?

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I get lots of compliments from my hb and I love them, but when a stranger says something they're not biased. Aren't you guys always telling us that we're attractive to you in part because you love us? So while we love and appreciate that it also makes you a little biased -

A stranger doesn't know me and isn't invested in me so his/her opinion is unbiased.
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I'm sorry, but this really does anger me. A stranger's compliment means more than your SO's just because they are a stranger....

And just because the stranger is unbiased in the sense you mean does not mean they do not have an angle: angling for a tip, angling to make a sale, angling to seduce.
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post #12 of 32 (permalink) Old 08-23-2014, 01:15 PM
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I'm sorry, but this really does anger me. A stranger's compliment means more than your SO's just because they are a stranger....

And just because the stranger is unbiased in the sense you mean does not mean they do not have an angle: angling for a tip, angling to make a sale, angling to seduce.


Wow, you read way too much into that. I never said it meant more, I implied it was different. That's all. And I could give a crap what the strangers angle is because I have no investment in him.

I give random compliments to people all the time just to brighten their day; more people should do that.

My dad used to tell me I was smart and awesome all the time, he was my dad after all and a little biased. Does the fact that he was biased mean his compliments didn't mean as much? Of course not, what a ridiculous implication.

You clearly have some anger and i'm sorry for that.
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Last edited by lifeistooshort; 08-23-2014 at 01:21 PM.
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post #13 of 32 (permalink) Old 08-23-2014, 01:21 PM
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Re: Getting a similar reaction as a stranger would. possible?

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Originally Posted by lifeistooshort View Post
Wow, you read way too much into that. I never said it meant more, I implied it was different. That's all. And I could give a crap what the strangers angle is because I have no investment in him.

I give random compliments to people all the time just to brighten their day; more people should do that.



You clearly have some anger and i'm sorry for that.
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OK, my apologies for misinterpreting your meaning.
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post #14 of 32 (permalink) Old 08-23-2014, 01:22 PM
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OK, my apologies for misinterpreting your meaning.
No worries, we're good -
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post #15 of 32 (permalink) Old 08-23-2014, 02:40 PM
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Re: Getting a similar reaction as a stranger would. possible?

When someone feels so compelled to compliment that they forget convention it is probably sincere. They really felt that way. They may even feel embarrassed they blurted it out.

That feels good.

It just does.

If your husband compliments toy all the time our of habit it loses something. If he never does it... If he only does it when he wants something...

The guy who genuinely means it and says it regularly... dunno. Maybe it isn't believed even though it is sincere. Why not? Either she didn't believe because she doesn't feel it reflects reality or you say it too much and it has lost its punch.

The occasional sincere compliment is worth its weight.
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