Long Term Success in MarriageIf you've been married 10+ years and consider your marriage a success, post your success story here. Help others by talking about what works for you.
Re: What year in your marriage did you REALLY start getting along?
If anything, I think the missus worries that we dont fight enough.
We lived together for 5 years, and have been married now for almost 19.
Typically we get along very well. Occasionally, something happens and one of us blows up and it gets very upsetting since we frankly dont have much experience fighting. I'd also say that she is more volatile and will blow up and come down relatvely quickly... me, it take a long time before I even get close to boiling over and it can take me DAYS before I come back down... so when we get into a fight she will want to play kissy face or at least nice an hour later and I dont want any part of it. I hear alot about 'makeup sex', but Im not always able to let it all go that quick. (sigh)
The 'dont go to bed angry' advice is good I guess, but it happens. For me, I am usually much better off in the morning and we are both morning sex people. Funny how that helps take the edge off and everyone gets out of bed all sunny. ('what were we fighting about again?')
As the years march on, I think we get more in tune with what buttons should and should not be pushed, and can see the warning signs more in advance, so I dont think it was a 'how many years before it gets better. For us, I suppose every year is maybe a little bit better... it adds up.
Re: What year in your marriage did you REALLY start getting along?
I was married for 18 years when my wife asked for a divorce because she was no longer happy. I guess it's odd, but we had a great marriage from day one. It seemed like a dream relationship. We never had huge fights. As a matter of fact, we rarely argued at all. Some suggest that some fighting is good; I may have to agree at this point. After about 18 years, she had a lot of nit picks and was done.
Re: What year in your marriage did you REALLY start getting along?
We were extremely strong at the start. Him and I against the world. Truly had each others back. There were a few minor "moments" between us after about the third year, just part of growing up together and being in our 20s really, but nothing dramatic or long-lasting. Then I'd say around our 11th year, looking back, a disconnect slowly began. We both understand the reasons why. No arguing but a slight disconnect nonetheless. We stepped up and corrected this. We became stronger again, with a few ebbs and flows. Then from years 15-16 together (including last year), there were some big life changes and the implications affected us both on various levels. The cracks started to show. Communication - really honest, open communication helped us. I think the last year was the most "work" we've ever had to do in our relationship. It likely surprised both of us. Heartbreaking to go through, for the first time we really questioned our relationship. Your world feels upside down. We had been so used to the "you and me against the world" feeling for so long, but wake-up calls can be a good thing. I'm proud of us for having the will to embrace this part of our journey. And no doubt there's going to be other big moments to deal with but hopefully now we're more equipped with how to handle things.
Expressing openly isn't a bad thing. The way the message is delivered should be considered though. And listen, truly LISTEN, put your ego aside and listen.
Re: What year in your marriage did you REALLY start getting along?
it took us 3 years after living together to get right fighting. 7 whole years later, resentments were talked about, and we started up that mountain.
by this point we have been together 15 years....we should have been ok, but it still took another 5 years to figure out triggers, and are just starting to put two and two together during a fight, that it might be a trigger.
we have been together 21 years, married 11..we have always wanted to be together.....we both just kept trying to make it work.
we did have some rough, and rocky times, he is just finally understanding my body language, and i have to be a lot more direct with my words.
gee..ya think we would have mastered talking a long time ago...
Re: What year in your marriage did you REALLY start getting along?
Quote:
Originally Posted by Unhappy2011
Wow.....
Is this thread really asking this question and are people really responding as if this is normal?
I mean people actually get married even though they don't really get along?
Why did you do it?
I know it's so weird, right?!? And those people that get divorced, what is their deal? Why would you get married if you're just gonna get divorced. SO WEIRD.
Re: What year in your marriage did you REALLY start getting along?
Quote:
Originally Posted by Blanca
I know it's so weird, right?!? And those people that get divorced, what is their deal? Why would you get married if you're just gonna get divorced. SO WEIRD.
Re: What year in your marriage did you REALLY start getting along? 
thanks for that B. I needed it 
