Long Term Success in MarriageIf you've been married 10+ years and consider your marriage a success, post your success story here. Help others by talking about what works for you.
Re: What year in your marriage did you REALLY start getting along?
I imagine it would be when you both learn to communicate with each other effectively...that's an area my husband and I are struggling with/working on currently
Re: What year in your marriage did you REALLY start getting along?
We have been together for about eight years, married for about six!
My husband and I had to go through a rough phase.
I had insecurity issues, impatience issues, anger issues,
We come from two different cultures, he is Western, I am Eastern. He grew up in democracy, I grew up in a communist country! He liked to spend money, I liked to save money..........................
But love bonded us together, love strengthened our relationship!
At the beginning of our relationship, I think we were fighting once a month regularly.
After we got married, we fought less and less, I think my insecurity issue was solved!
Now we hardly fight or argue anymore, we still disagree sometimes, but it is nothing important!
Both of us are giving people, we have a lot of respect for each other! Making the other one happy is our goal! If you see two people are trying to compete to give more, then you really feel the sweetness!
Re: What year in your marriage did you REALLY start getting along?
My husband and I will be celebrating our 12th anniversary in July. The past two have been the best, by far. Somewhere between our 9th and 10th year, we started to appreciate each other instead of fighting all the time. I hate that it seems like we wasted so much time. Seeing this thread makes me feel better about it. Atleast I know we're not the only ones who took a long time to get things right. Posted via Mobile Device
Re: What year in your marriage did you REALLY start getting along?
My wife and I will be celebrating our 7th anniversary in 6 days and though our living situation is at it's poorest, our marriage relationship is at its zenith. We are getting a long, communicating better, understanding our needs and expectations better. I say that for us, year six, leading up to year seven has been the best so far.
Re: What year in your marriage did you REALLY start getting along?
Ok. I forgot to mention the year that led up to year six in which we were at the zenith in our prosperity. That was a good year too. In the blink of an eye, I lost my job and we lost our dream of living in the mountains of North Carolina. It is just that our personal relationship has only become better and better.
Re: What year in your marriage did you REALLY start getting along?
While unfortunate that it sometimes took so long for a married couple to really start getting along, at the same time it is very encouraging. My own marriage (#2 for me, #1 for my wife) has had its struggles but after 2.5 years of marriage, we are finally starting to get along more often than we fight. The first 6 months seemed pretty smooth but for the next 18 months or more, the gloves really came off and there were some very nasty fights with lots of very hurtful things said, a few nights here and there of sleeping separately, a few things around the house broken and quite a few tears.
Only in the last couple months are we getting along much better and, obviously, I hope it only continues to improve.
A question to those who said it took quite a few years before you were getting along...early in the marriage when you were NOT getting along, did you intentionally have children, and, if so, what was the thought process behind that? I mean I would think if you're not getting along that the last thing you'd be thinking of would be to bring a child into a rocky marriage.
I ask because my own wife is dying to start a family and I, too, would like to start a family, although I believe I am more cautious and level headed and don't want to start a family before our communication has improved and we are not constantly fighting. The last couple months have been very good for us, yet, I do wonder if that is because the communication has really improved and we are being more respectful of each other's feelings or if it is just that she wants to start a family now rather than later.
Re: What year in your marriage did you REALLY start getting along?
Very different situation for us I guess. The early years were the easiest. It felt kindof like "Us Against the World", newly married, very little money, and two small children. We had the common goals of taking care of the littles and keeping the bills paid. I'd say years 1-10 were the best for us. Years 11-17 were a little more difficult but still good as we each became more successful in our careers, worked more, made more money but communicated less and spent less time together and fought a little bit more. Years 18-20 just about did us in. The kids were around less to buffer the fights, we started to take each other for granted, and some career boredom set in. It took us a little over 2 years and a near affair on my husband's part to get us back on track.
Re: What year in your marriage did you REALLY start getting along?
Our relationship became much happier after we married. No more fights about my rude and manipulative mother or wedding drama. My husband finally found employment after a year of searching; the recession kicked both of us in the backside.
We lived together for our engagment of two years, so we had time to adjust to each other, before we walked down the aisle. I love the way family strife and financial difficulties tested us prior to becoming Mr and Mrs. Our relationship is stronger than most young marrieds, because we have already survived some hard times. There is much less of a honeymoon period when the couple has cohabited.
Now that my husband's vasectomy is only two weeks away, we are excited about our childfreedom being cemented by a permanent procedure.
We started getting along during our first year, after a tumultuous engagement. I am excited for the rest of our lives together.
Re: What year in your marriage did you REALLY start getting along?
For us...
first 2 years - we fought at least 2x a month mostly small matters and resolved within that day
next 3 years-at least once a month but have had bad ones that kept us angry for nearly a week
5-7th not much and we easily resolved the problems
8th year was the worst for us as we became parents of twins and lots of demand on each other
9th year till now (13th year)-no quarrels we know each other well and know how to express ourselves without hurting one another.
Generally I think when a couple will stop quarrelling depends on how fast they learn from their problems. Guess I am a slow learner or kids slowed us down. Hoping the understanding gets better with each year.
Re: What year in your marriage did you REALLY start getting along?
Me & mine were together for 8 long years before we married, we never had drag down nasty fights, anytime we did argue/fight, it was resolved the same day with no lasting effects, we strived to live by that old saying ..."To never let the sun go down on our anger"...My Grandma taught me that when I was growing up to use that in my marriage. We have pretty much, always gotten along very well.
I was definitely the more difficult of the 2 of us though-if one had to compare- He is more passive than me, so most things started was by my hand, he likely didn't even deserve the majority of it -but we always seemed to learn "something" about ourselves -from each conflict, I wouldn't count it a bad thing at all.
It helps when you are on the same page in so many vital areas... although our temperments are complete opposites..... we had near everything else in common.... we shared the same dreams/goals , both on the old fashioned side, where we wanted to live, how to spend our money (both savers), how many kids (big family), how to raise/discipline them , our love languages are in the same order, down to us both being "home buddies", and what we enjoyed together..... we do have our own personal hobbies but that is well & good, we still can appeciate each others gifts .
The only 2 issues we had in our past.... I was more religious than him, and he wanted more sex than me for many years, but even that we didn't fight about -but it did hurt us in silent ways. Now both of us are on the same page there -which has been a real blessing. Mid life has been the best of all. We can look back and see all we have accomplished together , and things we have grown in .
What year in your marriage did you REALLY start getting along? 
