What to do when your wife is blatently fantasizing in bed
I have been married for 27 yrs. I always thought my wife and I had a pretty good relationship. The sex was fun, we do a lot of things together. We usually spend our free time together. Overall, I thought she was generally happy.
During lovemaking we always had a lot of eye contact, even during the times she wasn't totally in the mood.
Over the last 5 or 6 weeks, I have noticed a lack of eye contact. Even during a change of position, she will have her eyes locked shut. I have started watching for it and her eyes are closed almost the entire time now. I brought it up a couple of times and she just gets very defensive and angry.
To me, it feels like I'm watching her make love to someone else. I feel totally disconnected from her. She doesn't admit it, but I seriously think she is fantasizing about someone else, and it is happening every time, now. I'm almost to the point I don't want sex with her anymore.
We have been under a lot of financial stress paying for two kids in college and her job is very stressful, lately. She also blames me totally for our financial problems. I work in the building trades and was out of work for 2 years when this recession hit back in 2008. I had never been out of work the entire time we have been married until then, and she was a stay at home mom, working 2 days a week so she could spend more time with our 3 children. She went back fulltime when I was layed off. She told me she blamed me after the first time I asked her what is going on with her eyes closed. She also said she was thinking about a separation, and that she has never been so unhappy. I don't understand how we can spend time together laughing and having fun with numerous activities and then she tells me she has been thinking of a separation. I feel like I just got hit by a truck. Since our argument, we seemingly get along again. We spend our free together and I feel close to her, but I felt that way before, too.
I honestly don't think she has had an affair, but I do think there might be someone she knows that she is fantasizing about. After valentines day I will bring it up again if I notice her in her little dream world while having sex with me. Also, while we do get along well, and seem to enjoy each others company, I have been feeling like we are just roommates, not lovers. There has been very little, if any, physical contact outside of the bedroom the last couple years. I can understand this if she is so unhappy.
I guess I feel as if she has just fallen out of love with me but can't go through with leaving me just yet. I don't really know what to think. I am fairly confident there is no one else, at least so far. Who knows, maybe she isn't fantasizing? But, it sure feels like it.
I should also mention that she said part of the problem was that I don't do enough to help out at home with cooking, cleaning, laundry, etc. I have stepped up my game in that area and I don't believe she would leave me now. The big thing is paying for tuition and that will be easier in 3 months when only one is still in school.
Maybe her frustration with my lack of helping has caused her loss of feeling close to me and the lack of non-sexual intimacy.