Re: Aging and keeping the passion after 40+ years
My Mum is an artist. When I was a young teen I was snooping at one of her old portfolios. There were beautiful scetches & paintings of different parts of a mans anatomy. They were beautiful & a little titillating. As I carried on looking through the pages it became VERY graphic...then I saw the full body pictures! OMG!!! It was my Dad!!!!! Hahaha ;-) (I've recovered!)
So...my parents weren't the average. They embrassed the 60's! They were never really open with me about things though. When my Mum was approaching 70 she went on a 'girls' weekend away. They did wine tasting & got a little tipsy & started talking about intimate things. My Mum came home a little worried & had a bit of an embarrassing conversation with me. ALL of the women said they rarely, if ever had sex anymore & seemed very relieved that 'that stage' of their marriages were over. My Mum was genuinely concerned that her & my Dad were a little 'perverted' because they still had sex "or did stuff" (no details thankfully) most nights & she really liked it. I found it amusing but a little sad that all these women had made her feel insecure.
Anyway... From experience & conversations with friends hormonal changes have become a bit of a soap box subject for me. These days women use medical contraceptives & eat 'altered' food etc. many things that mess with hormonal balances. It's shocking the difference that the slightest hormonal or depression (& depression meds) can have on women's libidos. As a woman if you're not 'feeling it' a trip to a hormone SPECIALIST (not just regular GP screening) can make all the difference.
I've also had the unfortunate experience of infidelity. All the lies made a HUGE difference to how I felt about myself. I always loved just hanging out in bed naked, making love, chatting, laughing, listening to music, making love some more. I'd never been self conscious about myself before. For me, it wasn't about the OW it was about the lack of trust. Suddenly I feel like I'm being judged. Not loved unconditionally. It hasn't killed my libido. It's killed my confidence, my comfort, my freedom within my M.
Obviously my body has changed since my 20's & 30's but so has my husbands. Before the A's it never mattered. I don't know if it's my 'arty' upbringing but I've always found the human body (of any age) attractive. I've lost that. I'm a hapless romantic who believed that love is blind. Infidelity has killed that stone dead!! For the first time I've lost my innocence. I honestly never knew that men analysed & judged sexually the woman they loved. Naive I know!! But I loved my fantasy life. The TRUTH has imprisoned me not set me free.
Back to the start of what I was saying.... My parents have always slept naked. They have changed & grown together. They appreciate eachothers bodies & how they can make eachother feel even now, well into their 70's. I truly believe its so much harder to get the 'spark' back than it is to keep it going. My parents have photo albums full of my Mum pregnant. My Dad obviously found her pregnant body VERY attractive. He mentions in everyday conversation now how lucky he is that she's aged so beautifully & voluptuously.
I think what I'm saying is...it's a combination of medical factors that effect libido & most importantly MENTAL factors. When I believed that my H loved me unconditionally & a had blind faith in him it never crossed my mind that I could be judged & found lacking. For me, as a woman feeling safe, secure, adored gave me a comfort. Sex can be making love, it can be playing, it can be everything & anything but once the 'comfort & security' has gone I have no idea how to get the everyday magic back. Once it's 'sex' something you do, think about, it's different...almost a chore. I wish I knew how you get the naked comfort back. :-(