MArried/together long time - surely its not all perfect? - Page 2 - Talk About Marriage
Long Term Success in Marriage If you've been married 10+ years and consider your marriage a success, post your success story here. Help others by talking about what works for you.

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post #16 of 25 (permalink) Old 06-03-2015, 06:30 PM
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Re: MArried/together long time - surely its not all perfect?

Listen...you are only human, and you are right to be worried about that 5% if it is something that bugs you to death. One thing that use to drive me nuts is clutter. I absolutely couldn't stand it, and my ex had no intentions of even trying to curb this.....this was not the reason I ended the relationship, but it was one issue that bugged me.

In relation to this story, here is someone that was married for 30yrs and I guess it just goes to show that duration is not an indication of happiness. How else do you explain the failure after 30yrs?

http://www.ctvnews.ca/business/rise-...ors_picks=true


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Together 25+ years. MArried almost 20.

Its obviously not like it was all those years ago. Generally we get on great 95% of the time but those 5%.

The rest of you who've been married a long time. Whats it like? Is this normal? Do you learn to live with your partners 5% things that annoy you?

At times my wife is a complete nightmare but hey 25 years. Am I just looking for perfection which is not realistic?

We've been through ups and downs over the years but always stayed together. Should I just ride out the downs now knowing that it's likely to be up again soon like in the past?

My problem is I cant help dwelling and expecting it all to be perfect.


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post #17 of 25 (permalink) Old 06-03-2015, 06:40 PM
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Re: MArried/together long time - surely its not all perfect?

I find that letting go of things I can't change evens up my thoughts on my marriage. It is always good, but can be improved through compassion and equanimity.
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post #18 of 25 (permalink) Old 06-03-2015, 06:59 PM
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Re: MArried/together long time - surely its not all perfect?

95% is pretty damned good.

That there is the 5% is really proof of the fragility of Marriage and the 95% is the proof of its resilience and what makes it beautiful.

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post #19 of 25 (permalink) Old 06-06-2015, 11:24 PM
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Unhappy Re: MArried/together long time - surely its not all perfect?

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95% is pretty damned good.

That there is the 5% is really proof of the fragility of Marriage and the 95% is the proof of its resilience and what makes it beautiful.
Nice...well said! Like poetry, only practical....

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post #20 of 25 (permalink) Old 08-11-2015, 11:56 AM
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Re: MArried/together long time - surely its not all perfect?

It depends on what the 5% is.
In other words, certain things can be annoying, but acceptable. Other things may be deal breakers.

For myself, I can put up with quite a bit of shiit if I'm getting enthusiastic regular sex. On the other hand, my wife could be Mother Teresa in all aspects of our interaction 99.99999% of the time, but if I ain't getting any, it would be intolerable.
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post #21 of 25 (permalink) Old 08-11-2015, 12:01 PM
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Re: MArried/together long time - surely its not all perfect?

PLEASE CLARIFY. WHAT IS THE "OTHER" 5%???

It's all good, UNLESS the other 5% is sexual problems.

Like they say, when sex is good it's only 10% of the problem. When sex is bad, it's 90% of the problem...

We need more info...
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post #22 of 25 (permalink) Old 10-10-2015, 10:36 AM
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Re: MArried/together long time - surely its not all perfect?

That argument about dirty dishes left in the sink you had with your roommate back in college? It was about dirty dishes.

That argument about dirty dishes left in the sink you had with your wife last night? Not so much.
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post #23 of 25 (permalink) Old 12-10-2015, 03:04 AM Thread Starter
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Sorry I haven't replied. Sort of lost this post somehow.

Thanks for all the advice. Some great ideas too.
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post #24 of 25 (permalink) Old 12-10-2015, 03:08 AM Thread Starter
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The other 5% is mainly her general moodiness and temper mainly. Sometimes it's so bad I think she's nuts.

Also we do tend to irritate each other at times.

But saying that most of the time we are soul mates. Prob would both admit we could not be without each other.

Although sex life is not great ?
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post #25 of 25 (permalink) Old 12-21-2015, 09:02 PM
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Re: MArried/together long time - surely its not all perfect?

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The other 5% is mainly her general moodiness and temper mainly. Sometimes it's so bad I think she's nuts.

Also we do tend to irritate each other at times.

But saying that most of the time we are soul mates. Prob would both admit we could not be without each other.

Although sex life is not great ?
You might look into a Gottman Institute couples weekend workshop or one of their videos. One of the things it taught me was that my wife will "emotionally flood" on some topics. When that happens her fight or flight instinct kicks in and the part of her brain that can reason and discuss things just shuts down. It stays shut down for at least half an hour.

When that happens we need to take a time out and further discussion is pointless as I am in a discussion with someone who isn't listening.

There is science behind emotional flooding and it is sometime hard to recognize. You might do some introspection to see if this might be part of your 5% problems.

Good luck

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