A Good Marriage - Page 2 - Talk About Marriage
Long Term Success in Marriage If you've been married 10+ years and consider your marriage a success, post your success story here. Help others by talking about what works for you.

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post #16 of 51 (permalink) Old 06-18-2015, 10:44 AM
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Re: A Good Marriage

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I have heard that regular BJ's on every.single.holiday help...



















Let us know how that works out for you.


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post #17 of 51 (permalink) Old 06-18-2015, 11:52 AM
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Re: A Good Marriage

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Let us know how that works out for you.
Injoke, YWC. You had to have been there.
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post #18 of 51 (permalink) Old 06-18-2015, 12:03 PM
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Re: A Good Marriage

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We do not need you to protect us anymore. This is not the practice or expectation anymore. There is no controversy because most grown women make it throughout their day without a man. Please get an education or hang around grown women or stay completely away from them if you are MRA. Your personal experience is about communication and your disrespect and sexism issues, not gender issues. Thanks.
WTH??? Seriously?

Totally confused by this response.

tech, I appreciate your response.

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post #19 of 51 (permalink) Old 06-18-2015, 12:35 PM
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Re: A Good Marriage

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This is probably going to stir up some controversy, but here goes.

My wife sometimes gets upset about seemingly unimportant issues, usually with contradictory complaints about the same event. For example, we had a guest over this past weekend, and she complained that we didn't include her in our discussions. So I said, "We didn't exclude you", to which she answered "You were discussing things I'm not interested in". So I said "You are interested in cosmology", to which she answered "I didn't have anything to contribute". Then when he suggested interrupting her phone call to her sister, which is something she does every Saturday, I told him not to. She said, "I didn't want to be interrupted but at least he was trying to include me".

So basically, whatever I did was wrong.

I could have said "Yes, dear, whatever you say".

But that would have been the wrong response. I know that women have an instinctual need to test their men to make sure they are strong enough to protect them (the women), and acting wimpy would NOT make her feel any better, but just get her madder.

So instead, I said "That doesn't make sense" and explained why. I refused to accept blame for not being able to read her mind, and pointed out that her criticism was self-contradictory. She didn't like it much, but I stood my ground and there was no negative fallout later.
We do not need you to protect us anymore. This is not the practice or expectation anymore. There is no controversy because most grown women make it throughout their day without a man. Please get an education or hang around grown women or stay completely away from them if you are MRA. Your personal experience is about communication and your disrespect and sexism issues, not gender issues. Thanks.
@Kitt--you completely missed the point of technovelist's comment.

~Happily un-married since December 9, 2013~
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post #20 of 51 (permalink) Old 06-18-2015, 12:48 PM
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I think Kitt was banned??
I agree with her anyway...excluding someone from a conversation talking about things completely alien to them is flat out rude...one doesn t need to read minds but only have manners...I also agree concepts like women want men to protect them is archaic..physical strenght doesn t matter much anymore thanks to machines (weapons are machines)..the old adagio women are irrational is trite and boring...
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post #21 of 51 (permalink) Old 06-18-2015, 02:23 PM
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Re: A Good Marriage

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WTH??? Seriously?

Totally confused by this response.

tech, I appreciate your response.
Thank you.

Always remember the LD motto: "Sex isn't important!!!"
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post #22 of 51 (permalink) Old 06-18-2015, 02:25 PM
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Re: A Good Marriage

Oh, Kitt IS banned, but who knows if it is temporary or not?

The point is that technovelist DIDN'T exclude his wife, she excluded herself; the topic WAS one that his wife was knowledgeable about, and she chose not to participate, but then blamed him for excluding her. He asked their guest NOT to interrupt his wife's call with the sister, out of respect for her, and again she blamed him for excluding her.

The point of technovelist's posts is that he maintains reasonable, firm boundaries with his wife, because he has respect for himself. It's not about showing that he's strong enough to protect her, it's showing that he's a strong, confident person in general, and deserving of respect. It isn't about him showing her that, "Grr! I am the man and I am in charge!" It's about him showing that we are equals and individuals each responsible for themselves.

Some may take issue with "women have an instinctual need to test their men to make sure they are strong enough to protect them (the women)." Maybe we don't NEED men to protect US anymore, but if we have offspring, I sure as hell would want to know that he can protect them. I don't want a man who is going to roll over like a dog and let me boss him around all the time, because it sucks having to be the only grown up in a relationship and the only one to take any responsibility, and because I want a PARTNER, not an indentured servant. And sometimes I'm wrong. I need someone to call me on my sh!t--but I'm also gonna call him on his, because nobody's perfect 100% of the time.

~Happily un-married since December 9, 2013~
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post #23 of 51 (permalink) Old 06-18-2015, 04:00 PM
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Re: A Good Marriage

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Injoke, YWC. You had to have been there.
Oh yes I was there, and have a fresh new secondary anal orifice to show for it. I find your baiting of Kitt to be in poor taste, especially as she has to suffer it in imposed silence.

Kitt is a very new member here but she is no blushing teen. She has a unique set of experiences that may prove to be valuable to the group. Something triggered her and she is learning how to better control her temper.
MN
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post #24 of 51 (permalink) Old 06-18-2015, 08:45 PM
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Re: A Good Marriage

........doesn't play well with others.........
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post #25 of 51 (permalink) Old 06-19-2015, 09:26 AM
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Re: A Good Marriage

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@FeministInPink if you can't see how condescending the tone of this post is...You should probably change your username
Ha ha, I was more interested in the point of technovelist's post, not his tone. I can see how the tone might be perceived as condescending.

But I tend to overlook perception of tone when reading posts... most people are not professional writers, and so tone is frequently mis-communicated and mis-read in things like emails and comment thread. So I don't put too much stock into the "tone" of posts here on TAM. After all, how much of that "tone" is the writer, and how much is really a reflection of me and my state of mind at the time of reading?

In regards to technovelist's post, it would be easy for his tone to overshadow the point he was trying to make.


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post #26 of 51 (permalink) Old 06-19-2015, 10:32 AM
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Re: A Good Marriage

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The point he was trying to make is that women are irrational beings and men must have the strenght to put up with their nonsense...
Actually, I don't think that was his point. He certainly portrayed his wife as irrational in this anecdote, so it may have been a poor example to make his point.

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post #27 of 51 (permalink) Old 06-19-2015, 06:25 PM
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Re: A Good Marriage

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Actually, I don't think that was his point. He certainly portrayed his wife as irrational in this anecdote, so it may have been a poor example to make his point.
My wife is usually quite rational; in fact, she is an INTJ, which is one of the most highly rational MBTI types.

But even as rational as she is, she is still a woman, and thus I have to expect silly behavior common to most (if not all) women on occasion. The question is how I deal with such events, and I believe that part of the reason my marriage is good is that I deal with them effectively.

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post #28 of 51 (permalink) Old 06-19-2015, 06:39 PM
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Re: A Good Marriage

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My wife is usually quite rational; in fact, she is an INTJ, which is one of the most highly rational MBTI types.

But even as rational as she is, she is still a woman, and thus I have to expect silly behavior common to most (if not all) women on occasion. The question is how I deal with such events, and I believe that part of the reason my marriage is good is that I deal with them effectively.
FWIW, tech, I didn't see what was so horrible about your post. In fact, while Bugged stressed the "unimportant", I read the "seemingly" as the stressed part... like, it didn't seem important, but she SEEMED to feel it was, even if how she explained it made no sense at all (her reasoning made no sense to me, either).

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post #29 of 51 (permalink) Old 06-19-2015, 06:45 PM
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Re: A Good Marriage

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FWIW, tech, I didn't see what was so horrible about your post. In fact, while Bugged stressed the "unimportant", I read the "seemingly" as the stressed part... like, it didn't seem important, but she SEEMED to feel it was, even if how she explained it made no sense at all (her reasoning made no sense to me, either).
Thank you. I'm happy to see that someone is understanding what I'm trying to convey!

Always remember the LD motto: "Sex isn't important!!!"
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post #30 of 51 (permalink) Old 06-20-2015, 05:46 PM
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Re: A Good Marriage

Raising my hand to also say.. didn't see anything wrong with your post Technovelist.. she could have jumped into the conversation .... I don't really get it. It didn't sound like you or the guest snubbed her.. did you?

Look ...I am MORE EMOTIONAL over my Husband ..It doesn't offend me when men suggest such things.. I see it play out that way in my own marriage.. (example below)...

On temperament tests... I am more of a THINKER/Logical over a FEELER in comparison to him ...I teeter in the middle... he is always a FEELER ...(just as Technovelist's wife is a INTJ...T for thinking/ logical)

..but I'm still a woman!

When I get out of hand.. one thing good is.. if he calls me out - tells me I am being a bi*ch.. (Oh it's rare but it's happened)...I'll AGREE WITH HIM...on the spot !

We have a funny way.. if I get too pushy, a little bossy (gotta watch that!).. he will throw out the to me.. he knows I HATE THAT.... as I do Care how he feels... I WANT US ON THE SAME PAGE, or I am bothered.. I'll give him a look, then go over...lightly pound on his chest saying ..."NO...NO... don't say that - darn it!"...he'll grab me.. and we'll banter it out a little.. I want him to feel Respected.. he has earned it & then some!!

I think so highly of my husband...that I KNOW if he has an opinion of me PUSHING LIMITS.. well.. I darn well AM ...and I better adjust my attitude!

We have been together since dirt / he taught me to drive at age 16, he's always been there...through it all....he's brightened my life & has had more of a good influence on me & my outlook over any other...

I've always found being with him "easy".. "free flowing"... my comfort... my ROCK.... I love having a man beside me...he's the Best friend I've ever had...

This past week.. we had a "stressed for time" situation .. getting ready for a family Vacation...(9 of us.. 6 hr drive)... could be the last time we all get together with 2nd son going off to college....planned on taking our Suburban (9 seat belts).. we haven't had it too long...been running perfectly...anyway..

He gets up to go to work on Sat morning... NO BRAKES... we are leaving 5 am Monday.... he only had THAT NIGHT to change the brake line.. (he worked Sunday too).... #1 no one is open but the airport to rent a car ... #2 would've had to rent one of those 12 seater vans, very hard to come by.. price for 4 days with collision $1,400! (I called)...

Of course it had to start raining too... then while under there, it seemed we had a bad Transmission leak ... at this point.. I am freaking out.. (ME.. the woman, getting Emotional !)... telling him I am so sorry .... I should have rented a car...da** it ....I was FLUSTERED.. he was having difficulty with the brake line...having to run back to the store, had the wrong size, modifying things.. I just wanted to cancel the trip.. I started to cry.. too nervous about taking our 2 older cars, what if one of those broke down.. a minivan is too small for us......I was feeling so bad for him -all this work.. pressured for time....then we'd loose money...maybe a lot.. bla bla bla....

My dear husband.. I walk in the house, calling the resort .... telling them the "pickle" we're in with this many people & getting there....he comes in after me.. he doesn't want that... we'll make it work...the kids are looking forward to it.. if it takes him all night.. whatever... he just wouldn't let me do that -we were going!

His love for the family, putting us FIRST.. it's ALWAYS ALWAYS been his way.. he worked on that from the moment he got home till 10:30 that night ...rolling out from under the car, had the wrong size line, back to the auto parts store.. mishaps here & there .. I was there with the umbrella..we were a sight... but he got it done ! And we made that trip.. had a wonderful time.

That's my husband ! I felt this overwhelming admiration for him while he was laying under that truck, brake fluid squirting all over him.. for his determination, his attitude....his sheer will...never complained.. BUT I DID ! God bless him for putting up with me !!.... See I am the emotional woman..

I get more stressed /antsy when things go wrong... he is / has always been ...my calm breeze ...he always makes it right..
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