Husband Not Communicating Anymore - Talk About Marriage
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post #1 of 7 (permalink) Old 06-18-2015, 12:47 PM Thread Starter
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Husband Not Communicating Anymore

I've been married for 10 years. My husband had several years of depression and anxiety because he couldn't stop worrying about his work. He sought counseling and is now much happier. The catch is, one of his tools is to leave work at work. That means, he won't discuss it. Ever. Unless he's drunk.
Problem is that i feel disconnected from that entire part of his life. Carreer is very important to me. It's always been important to us. Connecting with my husband over career is a bonding experience for me.
Unfortunately, hubby won't talk about anything that happens between 8-6 every day. Nothing. He listens to me, but gives nothing back and i am growing apart from him over it. It sounds silly, but every time i say "how was your day?" i get a brick wall. I miss him. I miss bonding with him over career.
I tell him that I want to communicate more and i get "we communicate fine. can we talk about this later?"
I fear that this could be the beginning of end and I don't know what to do.

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post #2 of 7 (permalink) Old 06-18-2015, 12:57 PM
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Re: Husband Not Communicating Anymore

Let him leave work at work.

Find other things to bond about.
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post #3 of 7 (permalink) Old 06-18-2015, 01:17 PM
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Re: Husband Not Communicating Anymore

I've been like your husband and really not wanted to talk about work. I agree with marduk if he is using this to treat depression then let it be.

The bigger issue here is connecting with your husband. Explore options to bond in different ways. I got involved with Scouts and that gave my wife and I plenty to discuss. I stepped down from being a Scoutmaster and encouraged my wife to take up backpacking. Now we have that whole world to discuss and explore. Another example would be find a book or something he does and talk about it.

My wife reads a lot of stuff that's interesting but I don't really want to read so I will chat with her for 15 or 20 minutes about the story. For instance last year my wife picked up the book Wild and it merged our backpacking interest into the picture. I got a blow by blow of everything but didn't read it. She even watched the movie on an airplane and noticed that it focused on how she delt with loss rather than backpacking.

marduk is right there are other things you can find out to talk about. Another thing to try is to DO things with him. A lot of men value activity over talking. Activity allows one to get to know a different side of someone. Intermission of the activity allows for talking as well. Find something that you and your husband can do together. This is great for combating depression especially if it's physical activity.

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post #4 of 7 (permalink) Old 06-18-2015, 01:33 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Husband Not Communicating Anymore

that's a good idea. Golf has alwyas been on our bucket list. We have small children and don't get out much anymore. I think we need to invet more jointly in picking up new hobbie.
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post #5 of 7 (permalink) Old 06-18-2015, 03:36 PM
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Re: Husband Not Communicating Anymore

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Originally Posted by moonshine View Post
that's a good idea. Golf has alwyas been on our bucket list. We have small children and don't get out much anymore. I think we need to invet more jointly in picking up new hobbie.
My brother in law and sister on law did that and they love it. They also check out new courses when they travel.

I don't want to not live because of my fear of what could happen. - Laird Hamilton
Listen to your spouse!
Fog v. Love
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post #6 of 7 (permalink) Old 06-18-2015, 03:54 PM
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Re: Husband Not Communicating Anymore

Quote:
Originally Posted by moonshine View Post
I've been married for 10 years. My husband had several years of depression and anxiety because he couldn't stop worrying about his work. He sought counseling and is now much happier. The catch is, one of his tools is to leave work at work. That means, he won't discuss it. Ever. Unless he's drunk.
Problem is that i feel disconnected from that entire part of his life. Carreer is very important to me. It's always been important to us. Connecting with my husband over career is a bonding experience for me.
Unfortunately, hubby won't talk about anything that happens between 8-6 every day. Nothing. He listens to me, but gives nothing back and i am growing apart from him over it. It sounds silly, but every time i say "how was your day?" i get a brick wall. I miss him. I miss bonding with him over career.
I tell him that I want to communicate more and i get "we communicate fine. can we talk about this later?"
I fear that this could be the beginning of end and I don't know what to do.
Moonshine, work for me stays at work. I separate the two for a reason. Stress, worry and never seeming to be away from work(as my electronic leash known as a cellphone hangs off my belt that is a direct line to WORK!) Let him leave work at work. My W will ask me how my day was. I usually say long and boring. To which it is. If something interesting happens I talk about it.

What is with this connecting through career? You need to expand your horizons and connect through the arts, travel, day trips and the like. Not a career of your H.

You're painfully alive in a drugged and dying culture.
― Richard Yates, Revolutionary Road
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post #7 of 7 (permalink) Old 09-15-2015, 05:10 AM
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Re: Husband Not Communicating Anymore

I think doctor give a better suggestion for this, basically your husband need good counselling.
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