If you had it to do all over again... - Page 2 - Talk About Marriage
Long Term Success in Marriage If you've been married 10+ years and consider your marriage a success, post your success story here. Help others by talking about what works for you.

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post #16 of 45 (permalink) Old 07-06-2015, 12:54 AM
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Re: If you had it to do all over again...

Quite literally a question I have been asking myself for the last few months.

Yes.

But I would change quite a few things (what did I know of relationships? dumb kid) and prime among them would be a long talk about physical intimacy at the beginning.

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post #17 of 45 (permalink) Old 07-06-2015, 04:35 PM
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Re: If you had it to do all over again...

I am thinking about her as I write this...she crosses my mind a lot during the day. Has for the almost 30 years we have been together.
She no longer has a job outside of the home, but she has been busy all day.

She will be waiting for me when I get home. Warm smile, hug, kiss...

She knows that she is the special gift I received in my life. Not because I deserve her but because I love and need her.

The loves of my life are God, my wife, and my kids. In that order.

My only regret is that I could not have married her sooner. The years that we have left hardly seem like enough.
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post #18 of 45 (permalink) Old 07-06-2015, 04:43 PM
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Re: If you had it to do all over again...

In a heartbeat, wouldn't even think twice about it.
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post #19 of 45 (permalink) Old 07-06-2015, 10:15 PM
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Re: If you had it to do all over again...

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Originally Posted by Fozzy View Post
To answer your initial question--Yes I'd marry her again, but I'd do a lot of things different and avoid a lot of mistakes.

To answer the question you're really asking--No, I don't think you should stay married to a guy like your husband. He knows damned well that it's not ok to keep naked pictures of exes on his phone.
Ditto! What we did right was to test each other for real compatibility. Without that we would have never had the common basis to overcome the issues we had and which I would handle differently today.

It sounds like you don't have the fundamental compatibility that you should have in the first place.

I don't want to not live because of my fear of what could happen. - Laird Hamilton
Listen to your spouse!
Fog v. Love
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post #20 of 45 (permalink) Old 07-07-2015, 09:36 AM
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Re: If you had it to do all over again...

Good evening
My wife and I have a wonderful marriage - we enjoy each other's company, we don all sorts of things together, share so many quirky interests. We are in love and have been for 30 years.

But - our sex life has never been good, and frequently has been terrible. There is no way to know if I could have had a good life and a good sex life with someone else. I have many friends in unhappy marriages so I know I'm lucky.

I think though that unless things are otherwise wonderful, if there are problems early in a relationship it is better to leave.
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post #21 of 45 (permalink) Old 07-07-2015, 10:00 AM
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Re: If you had it to do all over again...

Wrong question.

Would I marry my wife again if I knew now what I didn't know then? Absolutely.

Would I have married her if I knew she had done what your SO has done? Absolutely not.
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post #22 of 45 (permalink) Old 07-07-2015, 10:06 AM
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Re: If you had it to do all over again...

No (and that also means that my kids won't be here). My kids are my world and I love being around them, but I don't like spending time with their almost 50-going on 13 year old, lazy mother.
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post #23 of 45 (permalink) Old 07-07-2015, 02:33 PM
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Re: If you had it to do all over again...

Yeah - what the hell...

Practice makes perfect.

"If you can keep your head while all those about you are losing theirs, then perhaps you have misunderstood the situation." - Daniel Keys Moran - from The Long Run

You don't really own anything you can't hold onto at a dead run... -Anonymous-
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post #24 of 45 (permalink) Old 07-07-2015, 04:01 PM
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Re: If you had it to do all over again...

If I had to do it all over again, I would have said yes to my hubby's first proposal 2.5 years in. That way I don't have to explain that we've been together since 1989, but didn't marry until last year. People always ask "Why did it take you two so long?" and we tell them we just wanted to "make sure: after almost 25 years. That either stuns them into silence, or invites more awkward questioning.

Long term relationship of 25 years.
Finally made it legal 10/3/14
Three children 23, 21 and 15.
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post #25 of 45 (permalink) Old 07-07-2015, 04:06 PM
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Re: If you had it to do all over again...

Why yes I would do it all again. Not to say some of it hasn't been the hardest things I have ever been through, but on the flip side there have been some really great things too. We didn't have very good role models from our parents marriages so it took us a while to figure out "our" marriage. Apparently we are slow learners because it took us the first 25 years to learn how to treat each other with respect. Since then it's been a walk in the park.

In your case I would run, run as fast as I could in the other direction. Sorry but he just isn't that into you or he has a strange mental image of what a relationship should be....you know two people only. And I agree your feelings are yours and they are valid. You can change the way you react to him but you really can't change your feelings about core values.

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post #26 of 45 (permalink) Old 07-07-2015, 05:05 PM
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Re: If you had it to do all over again...

for the thread question, Yes I would do it over again and with both the wonderful women I've been married to.

However, i think the thrust of this thread has more to do with what the OP will do. We never have the full story on these forums nor can we ever fully understand the dynamics of some real life situation we only glimpse through a few words open to many interpretations.

That being said, based on what has been shared by the OP, If it were me in that situation I think I'd not be moving into marriage and contemplating exiting altogether would be an option to consider.

How to recapture the feelings previously felt? Can you resolve the issues that broke those feelings and rebuild the trust once shared? What do you need? You clearly haven't been able to close the door on some past actions. Can you ever do so and, if so, once again the question, what do you need to do that?
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post #27 of 45 (permalink) Old 07-13-2015, 08:35 PM
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Re: If you had it to do all over again...

Do it again? Yes, without question every day again. Never been any regrets since the day we got married, at the time my wife was only 20 and I was 22. We had been exclusively together since she was 16. We have now been married over 40 years.

Not many wives would have allowed me to lead the life that my career brought me. She never once complained or put any undue family stress on me. At the same time I don't believe that I ever disrespected her and I am sure that she never went to sleep wondering if she was really deeply loved by her husband. Fortunately neither of us was afflicted by the "green monster" of jealousy. We never went to bed mad, so there were not any "lost" days in our relationship. What is often referred on this web site as a "rough patch" was never experienced in our marriage. Unless otherwise committed, we still go out for a nice dinner on date night every Saturday, a practice we started in our courtship days.

She has always been my best friend and if I am not working you will rarely see without her, as I still love doing things with her. To me, she is truly a gift from God
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post #28 of 45 (permalink) Old 07-20-2015, 03:31 PM
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Re: If you had it to do all over again...

Absolutely would do it all over again. Been married more than 50 years. Though now the sex life has gone by the wayside because of illness and age, she is still my one and only love and i'm jut happy to be with her and cuddle and still kiss a little.
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post #29 of 45 (permalink) Old 07-20-2015, 03:37 PM
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Re: If you had it to do all over again...

Quote:
Originally Posted by nomorebeans View Post
i'm sorry, but i just have one word: Run.
bumping for emphasis, run!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!
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post #30 of 45 (permalink) Old 07-20-2015, 04:32 PM
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Re: If you had it to do all over again...

Yes.

Since my wife's affair 6 years ago, we have grown together and are stronger than ever. We have 3 more kids and really have a great relationship. I wouldn't trade her off for anything. I really should be packing for our camping trip that we are leaving on tomorrow morning but instead, I am here. LOL!

Remember that strong relationships are built on shared experience. Go do things together and enjoy each others' company.
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