I think we're in trouble, he thinks everything is fine... - Talk About Marriage
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  • 2 Post By crazyworkingmom
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post #1 of 11 (permalink) Old 07-16-2015, 10:14 AM Thread Starter
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I think we're in trouble, he thinks everything is fine...

I've been married over 10 years with 2 kids (5 and 2). Things have generally been fine, though we've had a couple of explosions over the years.
The last 2 years i've felt us growing apart. He doesn't open up to me about anything, he doesn't share his day. The only things he wants to discuss are my work, the house and the kids. Most of the time he acts like a kid. He farts and laughs (like the kids), he gives me wet willies and acts like a 5 year old. We rarely do anything together without the kids, except sex (which is fine actually). Bottom line, i don't feel connected and when i raise it with him, he dismisses it and tells me he loves me.

Last weekend i guess i was on edge. He claimed i was trying to pick fights when he was snappy about everything. Then he decided he didn't want to fight and that i should go upstairs to cool down. He physically restrained me from going in the kitchen! I couldn't believe he would use his hands on me like that! He never has before.

Later that evening, he apologized for "overreacting" but didn't really apologize for restraining me. I told him it was unacceptible and hurtful and he responded that it wasn't a huge deal and i shouldn't overreact.

Since then, i feel my trust in him slipping. I feel less and less of a connection. i think he loves me and I love him, but this lack of connection is poisoning everything and has me on edge and i don't know what to do about it.

And before anyone asks, I'm faithful and I'm sure he is.

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post #2 of 11 (permalink) Old 07-16-2015, 01:36 PM
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Re: I think we're in trouble, he thinks everything is fine...

has his work changed over the past couple years? do the two of you get much time just for the two of you without the kids? has anything else in his life changed over the past couple years, say with his family or elsewhere?

You mentioned this change has been in the last couple years and your youngest is 2. With two young children in the house, energy and focus inevitably are affected. Could this be connected to the change you feel?
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post #3 of 11 (permalink) Old 07-16-2015, 03:10 PM Thread Starter
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Re: I think we're in trouble, he thinks everything is fine...

yes. he has a new job in the last two years where he is working a lot less and is home more. It was supposed to be great - we were going to have all the time together. Instead, i work in the evenings and he abandons me during bedtime routine so he can work-out. I see him more on the weekends, which is nice.
The kids could definitely be contributing. We are often very worn out by them!
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post #4 of 11 (permalink) Old 07-16-2015, 03:23 PM
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Re: I think we're in trouble, he thinks everything is fine...

do the two of you spend any quality time just for the two of you, no kids, no work, no distractions, just husband and wife together?
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post #5 of 11 (permalink) Old 07-16-2015, 03:38 PM Thread Starter
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Re: I think we're in trouble, he thinks everything is fine...

sadly, probably not enough. I bought some games for him for christmas (the clean kind) to play once the kids went to bed. He always wants to watch TV or work out instead. We get sitters about once every 2 months. I know. Not good. I have fun when I'm with him, it's just all the time in between that i feel him slowly slipping away.
I guess we should get more sitters!
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post #6 of 11 (permalink) Old 08-06-2015, 05:45 AM
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Re: I think we're in trouble, he thinks everything is fine...

If the sex is still ongoing and "fine' as you put it, it looks like he is not meeting your need for intimate conversation and affection. His apparent dismissal of your concerns is causing you to be fearful and you will eventually begin to reject his needs for sex and companionship. Then it will be a downward spiral, which must be nipped in the bud now.

You both need to sit down and talk openly but first arm yourself with knowledge of his needs/ your needs so you can be specific. There is a book of this title and you will find info on the internet.
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post #7 of 11 (permalink) Old 08-06-2015, 06:50 AM
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Re: I think we're in trouble, he thinks everything is fine...

It sounds like his new job is the problem. Is the money good. Do you know his co-workers. Why doesnt he want to discuss it with you. Do you tell him constantly that he acts like a kid. Was he always like that.
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post #8 of 11 (permalink) Old 08-06-2015, 07:04 AM
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Re: I think we're in trouble, he thinks everything is fine...

Hi crazyworkingmom Sorry for ur problem. It sounds like its time for some serious talk. perhaps he thinks he is making life entertaining for you and the kids. perhaps there is a bigger issue that you dont know. Good luck
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post #9 of 11 (permalink) Old 11-03-2015, 02:04 PM
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Re: I think we're in trouble, he thinks everything is fine...

Talk to him nip it in the butt now, a sitter every 2 months is more then me, find a TV shows that you can watch together talk about the TV show, record the show so you can watch it later, my hubby and I have lots of alone time but we could use more alone time outside the house we only do that once a year on our anniversary sadly to say, but we enjoy it none the less.
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post #10 of 11 (permalink) Old 11-03-2015, 02:59 PM
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Re: I think we're in trouble, he thinks everything is fine...

Quote:
Originally Posted by afab View Post
It sounds like his new job is the problem. Is the money good. Do you know his co-workers. Why doesnt he want to discuss it with you. Do you tell him constantly that he acts like a kid. Was he always like that.
Many guys don't like to talk about their jobs in a blow-by-blow fashion the way women do. They like to forget work when they aren't at work. I wouldn't assume that work is the problem.

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post #11 of 11 (permalink) Old 11-03-2015, 07:58 PM
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Re: I think we're in trouble, he thinks everything is fine...

Counselling,. The sooner the better IMO.
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