07-19-2011, 01:19 PM
Join Date: Jul 2011
| | Second Marriage Guilt
I got married when I was 25 to a man I thought the world of and whom I was deeply in love with.
Shortly after we were married, he became abusive and very neglectful. I put up with it (making all the usual excuses) until one very bad incident of physical abuse (after two years of marriage) when I realized very quickly I had to get out.
The divorce is done and I'm free of him. However, the guilt and shame follow me like a disease. I thought these feelings would go away after a while. I tried everything I could to save that marriage, but it was doomed. I gave up on ever being valued or loved, I gave up on children because I couldn't bring them into that lifestyle, travelling, everything and I would've stayed if he hadn't become violent - that's how much I valued my marriage and vows. I'm angry with myself for not seeing the signs and getting away from him before we got married.
Now, I've met a fabulous man, who loves me and treats me well. He knows of my past, and he has never been married. He wants to propose to me - even wanted me to look at rings so that he knew what I liked. I love him so much, but I'm so scared of making a mistake again. I can't be twice divorced.
I also feel like a big fraud - how can I have a wedding and wear a wedding dress and profess my love to someone when I've already done it and it failed so miserably?