08-28-2011, 04:58 PM
Join Date: Apr 2011
| | Re: Do commuter/ long distance marriages work?
I don't live in the UK, but as a professional (Pro-Marriage) counselor who's worked with hundreds of highly distressed couples, I've been fascinated by the question of what makes a genuine long distance relationship work.
I've worked with couples who start their relationships and even marriages from scratch on a long distance basis and couples separated months and years after living together, because of work changes.
One person gets the dream job in another city, and the other person already has their dream job, in the city where they live.
It turns out that the secret to a healthy, emotionally resilient long distance relationship is the same set of factors that sustain a healthy, emotionally resilient in person relationship.
Successful distance and in person relationships are strongly rooted in:
1) Realistic expectations about what a long term relationship is;
2) Strong relationship maintenance skills (like safe driving skills for driving);
3) The setting up and regular maintenance of protective relationship boundaries;
4) The use of phone and technology to compensate for in person regular contact and emotional intimacy (attachment-based).
Couple who are successful at maintaining a long term, long-distance-based relationship, in my clinical experience, often have more conservative and spiritual values.
For example, Iíve worked with military couples who have maintained strong emotional bonds under conditions of incredible stress.
Sorry for posting without meeting the precise requirements of your original question; but this same topic has fascinated me for years.
Thereís not much in the way of solid research on this topic, but there is lots of poor quality usually pop-psychology type opinion and advice/spam out there, just as there is poor quality relationship and marriage advice.
Iím going to follow this thread. I really look forward to any new insight or information that other posters may have to offer or any further insight that you might share from your own research in preparation for your story.