Just a given after 20+ years it's more of a "companion" type of love? - Page 4 - Talk About Marriage
Long Term Success in Marriage If you've been married 10+ years and consider your marriage a success, post your success story here. Help others by talking about what works for you.

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post #46 of 61 (permalink) Old 05-04-2016, 12:45 PM
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Re: Just a given after 20+ years it's more of a "companion" type of love?

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If y'all are over 40 you should get full hormone check up. Men feel best when testosterone levels are around 1000 in a range from 450-1100. I started t therapy at around 41. I was tired and could not stay awake in evening. You can become emotional but be emotionally numb to others at the same time if you know what I mean.

Women need to be checked too. After a partial hystorectomy. The ovaries quit working in 2-3 yrs as they are starved for blood because almost half the supply comes from veins from the uterus.
Agreed, I have a painful neuromuscular disease that developed when I was around 35-37. After a couple years of Dr visits and testing I was finally diagnosed with Small Fiber Ganglionapathy. I was otherwise healthy, active, happy...The only way to treat the pain is with opioid narcotics. After a couple years of that I was a zombie! I had my testosterone level checked and it was 91! The narcotics reduce the bodies ability to produce testosterone effectively. After a short period of self-administered injections I felt like a man again and regained the use of my manhood!

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post #47 of 61 (permalink) Old 05-05-2016, 08:58 AM
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For the most part yes but also don't think it's all bad.
There is comfort in familiarity.

Do things together and find common ground. Even a coffee date to Barnes and Noble as long as you both enjoy the activity.

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I won't go into all of my back story, but encourage anyone to click on my user name and read more about my history if you would like. I am wondering if my expectations for a romantic and emotionally connected relationship, along with some physical intimacy is out of whack................things are getting better, but I wonder if I am just not expecting too much for a couple that has been married close to 25 years. Does it always evolve into a 'companion' type of love? I know there aren't going to be sparks and fireworks like in the very beginning, but HOW MUCH OF THAT should still be there at all 25 years later??? I may be disillusioned and need to change my thought processes................anyone have thoughts on this???
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post #48 of 61 (permalink) Old 06-10-2016, 04:40 PM
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Re: Just a given after 20+ years it's more of a "companion" type of love?

Same as how I answered in the General Discussion.... Married 36 years and we are still passionately in love. Sure the passion was a bit stale raising kids, but now that we are empty nesters look out! Constantly hugging, kissing, and basking in a glorious union. The sex is way better now and way more frequent than when we were in our 20's, 30's and 40's. You have to work on your marriage to not let it get stale and complacent.
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post #49 of 61 (permalink) Old 10-21-2016, 04:16 PM
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Re: Just a given after 20+ years it's more of a "companion" type of love?

Not really. I am married 44 years this next week and it is much more than a companion type marriage. We are still deeply in love with each other and always find ways to spice up our sex life. My wife says that her girlfriends do not have sex with their husbands anymore and we are the only ones still doing it.

I have always kept our marriage fresh. We moved 13 times and lived in 9 different houses. We are sexually adventurous and have indulged in some group sex and a long term threesome with my wife's best friend. May sound horrible but we are still together and still feel the same as we felt when we first met. We met on a train and got engaged 3 weeks later. It really was love at first sight for both of us. I also attribute our current status to the fact that we never had kids. That enabled us to have complete freedom in our lives and plenty of time and money to keep things fresh and exciting.

I know what you mean though. I see that with our friends. I still touch my wife or give her a quick kiss when with others. I am the only guy who talks about his wife in a good way when I am with the "guys". At one time there was a woman trying to seduce me at a bar and after awhile she told me to shut up about my wife. We are still intimate on a regular basis and much more than companions. My wife had a girlfriend as her companion, but I was her lover, her husband and the person she put above all else in her life.

The grass isn't always greener on the other side. The grass is greener where you water it.

Many prefer to drown in a pool of their own morality rather than seek the safety of a different morality.
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post #50 of 61 (permalink) Old 12-24-2016, 12:33 PM
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Re: Just a given after 20+ years it's more of a "companion" type of love?

Let me echo what Karole said, except we have been married for 39 years, and together for 41. We, as well have just become empty nesters. We have always been romantic, but it is truthfully off the scale these days. For people in their 60's the sex is beyond incredible. We have difficulty keeping our hands off one another. If someone had told me in my 20's, 30's or even 40's that sex, love and passion would be a large component of our lives in our 60's, I would have called them a liar. It, however is true, and there are days where I feel like a teenaged schoolboy. It is fabulous, but wow!!

The kids used to be embarrassed by us, you know gross old folks necking in public. As they have gotten older, the attitude changed, where both stated that we wrecked them for casual relationships, and both have actively sought what we have. I am pleased that both have found love. That is all I can wish for them.
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post #51 of 61 (permalink) Old 12-28-2016, 11:38 AM
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Re: Just a given after 20+ years it's more of a "companion" type of love?

Concerning empty nesters, my W and I are approaching that stage. Our kids are more out and about than at home. To be honest, it is very freeing when it comes to sex around the house. And I mean...AROUND the house. Not to mention the "hold it down the kids will hear" ordeal is no longer. We are free to be as vocal as we like. As a result of this new found freedom our inhibitions are off the charts.

It is this new found freedom that has made my W and I feel like we are dating like we did over 20 years ago.

“You're painfully alive in a drugged and dying culture.”
― Richard Yates, Revolutionary Road
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post #52 of 61 (permalink) Old 01-01-2017, 03:52 PM
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Re: Just a given after 20+ years it's more of a "companion" type of love?

Quote:
Originally Posted by LilMissSunshine View Post
I won't go into all of my back story, but encourage anyone to click on my user name and read more about my history if you would like. I am wondering if my expectations for a romantic and emotionally connected relationship, along with some physical intimacy is out of whack................things are getting better, but I wonder if I am just not expecting too much for a couple that has been married close to 25 years. Does it always evolve into a 'companion' type of love? I know there aren't going to be sparks and fireworks like in the very beginning, but HOW MUCH OF THAT should still be there at all 25 years later??? I may be disillusioned and need to change my thought processes................anyone have thoughts on this???


Mrs.CuddleBug is a great wife, smart, hard worker, caring, trustworthy, generous, etc. woman.She is everything a guy would want in a wife and marriage, EXCEPT.....

She still doesn't take care of her body, is bigger now than at any time in our 17+ year marriage, still talks about it, sex is 1x month and that's it, never dresses sexy or does anything sexually adventurous ever.

At times we are room mates, yet she still wants cuddles, talking and everything to resume.

So to summarize, she is everything you want in a wife / marriage except sexual and physical.

Maybe one day she will change and maybe she never will. What scares me is she could be 250+ lbs when she hits her 40's menopause. I'll still be weight training, eating okay and taking care of myself.

Strength and Honor. What we do in life echo's in eternity.
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post #53 of 61 (permalink) Old 01-01-2017, 07:34 PM
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Re: Just a given after 20+ years it's more of a "companion" type of love?

Quote:
Originally Posted by LilMissSunshine View Post
I won't go into all of my back story, but encourage anyone to click on my user name and read more about my history if you would like. I am wondering if my expectations for a romantic and emotionally connected relationship, along with some physical intimacy is out of whack................things are getting better, but I wonder if I am just not expecting too much for a couple that has been married close to 25 years. Does it always evolve into a 'companion' type of love? I know there aren't going to be sparks and fireworks like in the very beginning, but HOW MUCH OF THAT should still be there at all 25 years later??? I may be disillusioned and need to change my thought processes................anyone have thoughts on this???
Accepting what might be considered "normal" is a mistake in my opinion.

What you desire is I important and sounds reasonable.

Mrs. Conan and I have over 25 years since our first date and sex and over. 21 years officially married.

We have not ceased pursuing each other sexually /romantically or working hard on our relationship.

We have just come out of the toughest year of our relationship yet with increased sexual passion, intimacy and romance as well as an improved companionship.

A relationship can wither or atrophy if not purposefully cared for.

It is only natural for something to grow stale or atrophy when not being cared for and preserved like something incredibly precious and beautiful.

There really is no normal. Only what we each achieve and work towards.

To put it bluntly. My heart still stops sometimes when I look at her.

When I hold her in my arms, peace and warmth flood both of us.

We are both each others hot fvcktoys more than ever before with the best blow jobs and pvssy eating than ever before.

It is hard work but the payoff is amazing.

It is very easy to drift and let things lay. Improvement has a cost attached to it.

We have had to endure pain and discomfort to get stronger.

But that is life, isn't it?
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post #54 of 61 (permalink) Old 01-01-2017, 09:24 PM
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Re: Just a given after 20+ years it's more of a "companion" type of love?

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Mrs.CuddleBug is a great wife, smart, hard worker, caring, trustworthy, generous, etc. woman.She is everything a guy would want in a wife and marriage, EXCEPT.....

She still doesn't take care of her body, is bigger now than at any time in our 17+ year marriage, still talks about it, sex is 1x month and that's it, never dresses sexy or does anything sexually adventurous ever.

At times we are room mates, yet she still wants cuddles, talking and everything to resume.

So to summarize, she is everything you want in a wife / marriage except sexual and physical.

Maybe one day she will change and maybe she never will. What scares me is she could be 250+ lbs when she hits her 40's menopause. I'll still be weight training, eating okay and taking care of myself.
Why do you feel (if you had to guess) she isn't taking care of her body?

Sometimes, you fall in love with the most unexpected person, at the most unexpected time. ~ Unknown
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post #55 of 61 (permalink) Old 01-01-2017, 09:48 PM
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Re: Just a given after 20+ years it's more of a "companion" type of love?

I married a Tigress 46 years ago and only now is she slowing down.

Fate waits to steam roll us. I hear the whoosha, whoosha of the slide-valve action of that steam machine. I fear no power.

I was going to open up about 2016's health set-back events but I feel that I am but a minor cog in the great wheel. All suffering laid at my feet is to be taken in stride. I am blessed.

I do not handle sympathy well and refuse to give Father Time his due. Besides, I ran/walked 8 miles today. It is a New Year, a renewed challenge. Invictus.

Hineni, Hineni.


This....This is the nub of the stick that pokes me in the eye when the light of day energizes my optic nerve....SunCMars.... The Allegory of the Cave--> On this, I did a '180' and stepped out.

The Lion in Winter. Invictus..By Will, Shall... Saved from harm by my friends.
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post #56 of 61 (permalink) Old 01-01-2017, 09:54 PM
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Re: Just a given after 20+ years it's more of a "companion" type of love?

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Why do you feel (if you had to guess) she isn't taking care of her body?
To avoid unwarranted advances?
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post #57 of 61 (permalink) Old 01-02-2017, 10:25 AM
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Re: Just a given after 20+ years it's more of a "companion" type of love?

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Mrs.CuddleBug is a great wife, smart, hard worker, caring, trustworthy, generous, etc. woman.She is everything a guy would want in a wife and marriage, EXCEPT.....

She still doesn't take care of her body, is bigger now than at any time in our 17+ year marriage, still talks about it, sex is 1x month and that's it, never dresses sexy or does anything sexually adventurous ever.

At times we are room mates, yet she still wants cuddles, talking and everything to resume.

So to summarize, she is everything you want in a wife / marriage except sexual and physical.

Maybe one day she will change and maybe she never will. What scares me is she could be 250+ lbs when she hits her 40's menopause. I'll still be weight training, eating okay and taking care of myself.
125 lbs. -------------->250 lbs. she still has the equipment.

If she still participates in lovemaking. She isn't.... My concern would be her health, endurance and chance of getting diabetes or a sudden heart attack.

It sounds like she has given up. These are the actions of one who is depressed. She has given up. Talk to her. Find out what it is that bothers her so much. Ask her why she has given up on life.

Why she has turned to food for comfort...and not you.

This....This is the nub of the stick that pokes me in the eye when the light of day energizes my optic nerve....SunCMars.... The Allegory of the Cave--> On this, I did a '180' and stepped out.

The Lion in Winter. Invictus..By Will, Shall... Saved from harm by my friends.
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post #58 of 61 (permalink) Old 01-06-2017, 11:39 AM
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Re: Just a given after 20+ years it's more of a "companion" type of love?

From my perspective getting the weight off is tantamount. I struggled with my weight my entire life. It did not help that in High School, I was big enough and in relative enough shape to qualify for both the Football and Wrestling squads. That made my nearly 225 back then completely acceptable for a 16 year-old. Problematically, the eating habits I gained, took years to un-learn. It is difficult to lose weight when you still eat as if you are 18, and your work is sedentary, and the gym is something you struggle to make time for. It took two heart attacks before I got religion. I watched helplessly as my Mom, who had the same struggles as me, died of, now get this, a clot which killed a large piece of her colon. Yup, a heart attack in your bowel. I was totally unaware that thing could happen. She died in immense pain (Think of your worst stomach ache that will NOT EVER go away). We could not even say goodbye because four strokes took her speech, ability to walk, arm mobility and finally the ability to swallow. She died loaded with morphine, it was the only thing that kept her from screaming. She also died with a full set of marbles. It would have been kinder had she developed dementia and did not know what was happening to her.

That was in 2004. I was over 300, and was scared into looking at my own health. I began to slowly change my eating. I joined a gym. I could not go for a walk longer than 5 minutes. I wore size 46 pants. I had, by that time developed type 2 diabetes, and was having immense problems with blood sugar levels. More diet, more exercise. By 2010, I was down to 250, I had crossed the pant size barrier and was a 38. The smaller you get the easier the exercise. In 2017, I am down to 198, my diabetes is under control, and I had to apologize to my wife, as that 100+ that I was carrying around since forever, actually robbed her of 2" of c**k.
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post #59 of 61 (permalink) Old 01-07-2017, 08:26 PM
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Re: Just a given after 20+ years it's more of a "companion" type of love?

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125 lbs. -------------->250 lbs. she still has the equipment.

If she still participates in lovemaking. She isn't.... My concern would be her health, endurance and chance of getting diabetes or a sudden heart attack.

It sounds like she has given up. These are the actions of one who is depressed. She has given up. Talk to her. Find out what it is that bothers her so much. Ask her why she has given up on life.

Why she has turned to food for comfort...and not you.


Been there and done that. I've learned that talk is cheap and actions speak louder than words....

Mrs.CuddleBug is physically lazy and unmotivated. She would rather be on her laptop, on her cell, talking with her parents and sister and watch tv, eating snacks.

Why?

Because all this requires zero effort and maintenance.

That's all it is.....some ladies take care of their bodies while others do everything but physically do anything. Just lazy I guess.

Strength and Honor. What we do in life echo's in eternity.
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post #60 of 61 (permalink) Old 01-10-2017, 02:05 PM
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Re: Just a given after 20+ years it's more of a "companion" type of love?

I have found that physical fitness and elevated libido do go hand in hand. My wife struggled with her weight early on, but found weight watchers and is absolutely stunning, her sexual appetite has increased post weight loss and post menopause. As I have said, it ain't over until its over. We are having the best second act, and a lot of it has to do with our physicality. By all means, discuss this from the heart.
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