Just a given after 20+ years it's more of a "companion" type of love? - Page 5 - Talk About Marriage
Long Term Success in Marriage If you've been married 10+ years and consider your marriage a success, post your success story here. Help others by talking about what works for you.

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post #61 of 64 (permalink) Old 01-10-2017, 03:21 PM
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Re: Just a given after 20+ years it's more of a "companion" type of love?

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Originally Posted by *Deidre* View Post
Why do you feel (if you had to guess) she isn't taking care of her body?
'Cause she's married to the biggest bore this side of the Mississippi.

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post #62 of 64 (permalink) Old 03-14-2017, 12:32 PM
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Re: Just a given after 20+ years it's more of a "companion" type of love?

My wife and I have been married for 43 years. December 15th, 1973.

Our marriage certainly has lots of spark. Some not so useful, but most of them are great.

Even now we still have sex nearly every day. Aging does make it so I have orgasms only every other day now, but we still make sure my wife has several orgasms every day.

I also make sure to do something else every day to make her smile. I just try to find something small and fun.
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post #63 of 64 (permalink) Old 03-27-2017, 03:50 PM
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Re: Just a given after 20+ years it's more of a "companion" type of love?

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I won't go into all of my back story, but encourage anyone to click on my user name and read more about my history if you would like. I am wondering if my expectations for a romantic and emotionally connected relationship, along with some physical intimacy is out of whack................things are getting better, but I wonder if I am just not expecting too much for a couple that has been married close to 25 years. Does it always evolve into a 'companion' type of love? I know there aren't going to be sparks and fireworks like in the very beginning, but HOW MUCH OF THAT should still be there at all 25 years later??? I may be disillusioned and need to change my thought processes................anyone have thoughts on this???
My 2 cents, married to my college sweetheart for over 46 years. I like the David Schnarch concept of marriage. It is the hardest thing that two people can do if done correctly. Marriage (especially if you have children) forces you to each grow emotionally and to mature. People don't grow at the same rate, so there is a constant pushing/pulling tension as on partner grows and their spouse is pulled along for the ride in the marriage.

My marriage has been wonderful at times, horrible at times and in between at times. In a Gottmans Art & Science of love weekend workshop we learned how much we shared each others moral and ethical values, how much we truly cared about each other, how much we shared a vision of where we wanted to be in 10 years, 20 years, etc. We also learned how much we trust each other and what a great financial, social, and marital team we are.

In marriage counseling with a Sex Therapist we learned how to visualize what we wanted our marriage to be. The ST also helped save our marriage when it was a sex starved marriage, because sex also involves emotional intimacy. The ST had to help us "un-learn some of our toxic habits" and re-learn new habits on how to touch, how to cherish each other.

You are not expecting too much after a short 25 years. Get some help from a marriage counselor or sex therapist, depending on what the issues are in your marriage.

I am looking forward to retirement in a while. My wife and I have agreed that prior to retiring we are going to take our marriage in for a tune-up with a marriage counselor to make sure we are headed where we want to with the additional free time.

Good luck.
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post #64 of 64 (permalink) Old 03-27-2017, 04:47 PM
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Originally Posted by LilMissSunshine View Post
I won't go into all of my back story, but encourage anyone to click on my user name and read more about my history if you would like. I am wondering if my expectations for a romantic and emotionally connected relationship, along with some physical intimacy is out of whack................things are getting better, but I wonder if I am just not expecting too much for a couple that has been married close to 25 years. Does it always evolve into a 'companion' type of love? I know there aren't going to be sparks and fireworks like in the very beginning, but HOW MUCH OF THAT should still be there at all 25 years later??? I may be disillusioned and need to change my thought processes................anyone have thoughts on this???
We're nearing the 15-yr mark so not quite there yet, but IMO, no, you don't have to settle for just companionship in marriage. There are intimate needs that can only be met by our romantic partner/spouse and we should not have to sacrifice romantic love because we've been married long-term.

However, I do believe that it takes effort by BOTH spouses to make the time, attention, and real work it requires to sustain an interdependent marriage. And based on what I'm seeing around me, many people simply don't know how to do this and turn towards new partners to meet those needs instead of trying to rekindle the romance in their LTR.
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