Am I being unreasonable? - Page 2 - Talk About Marriage
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post #16 of 19 (permalink) Old 03-28-2016, 12:00 PM
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Re: Am I being unreasonable?

Not unreasonable at all. My ex had a male "friend" she would text. It turned out to be more than a friendship. Not saying something is going on with your husband, but I would be concerned.

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post #17 of 19 (permalink) Old 03-29-2016, 09:29 PM
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Re: Am I being unreasonable?

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Originally Posted by RoseAglow View Post
There are many reasons that people get into affairs. Most are accidental, like in your coffee example. Others go out looking for affairs. Some are exit affairs, some are revenge.

But every affair, accidental or intentional, starts with a boundary being lowered. Someone allows another person to meet an emotional need.

I think most affairs are accidental, in general people are unaware of emotional needs, boundaries, etc. They have no idea what is happening really when they begin to get intoxicated with the feeling of another meeting their emotional needs. They would never think of it that way; to them, the other person just gets them, and makes them feel like they've never felt before. They just think they are falling for the other person and it means that something special is happening.

So no, OP, I don't think you're being unreasonable.
Great Post !! The original poster hasn't come back to update what is happening... but NO.. @chichi0225 ...you have every right to be VERY CONCERNED ..... there is no reason on God's green earth why he needs to be texting this "other woman" throughout the day, 1, 3 & 5 am ... he is clearly putting his emotional energies, how he is feeling...playing with that -sharing with another... this is your place, where your husband should be coming to drink.. and get refreshed...you are his wife..

With all this speaking of unmet emotional needs.. what do you feel has been missing or slipped away before this started??
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post #18 of 19 (permalink) Old 04-01-2016, 02:41 PM
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Re: Am I being unreasonable?

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Originally Posted by chichi0225 View Post
Hello,

My husband and I have been married for 3 years, dated for 8. He is quite a popular guy. He has many friends both male and female and I don't have a problem with that. I think he can be friends with whomever he wants.

However, I noticed recently he has been talking to 1 particular female back and forth throughout the day, every day. I feel that he confides in her more than he does with me. He would send her private messages and pictures about what he is eating/hobbies/jokes more than he does with me. They are actively talking to each other via private messages, twitter, facebook, instagram, even online games. Sometimes I would see messages at 1 am, 3 am, 5 am in the morning.

When I tried to talk with my husband that I feel uneasy about this, he shrugged it off and said they are just friends and that I am overeacting. Not only does he continue to talk with her as much as he does, he also hides his phone. Am I being unreasonable? What should I do?
I would have concerns too if my husband was developing a pretty strong bond with another woman.

I can understand having similar interests, but I would have a problem with the after hour messages and hiding the phone.

If you don't mind me asking, since you dated for so long, (my husband and I dated since HS; we've been married for 15 years) did he have overly friendly relationships with women before you married him? Is he the type of guy that is more interested in what his friends think of him rather than his wife?

Before you overwhelm yourself with the "what ifs?" Take some time to assess whether you really trust your husband because only you can answer that. If he has ever in the course of your relationship given you a reason to doubt him, then you may have some things to think about. If he hasn't and you have already shared your thoughts on the situation to which he said, "it's nothing to worry about" then you need to redirect that time and energy towards yourself and the things that make you happy because maybe you are too available.

Either he is going to notice your absence or not. Regardless, his reaction would be some good information to have.
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post #19 of 19 (permalink) Old 04-01-2016, 11:36 PM
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Re: Am I being unreasonable?

Why would a female talk to a married man in the wee hours of the morning?
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