Successful marriage after period of trouble.
Has anyone here had the experience of building a strong, solid marriage after a a period of marital trouble? I would love to know your story and what steps you took to turn things around.
In my situation, my H and I have suffered emotional disconnect. I think we both knew that something was off in our marriage but the disconnect was really brought to light when H recently engaged in an EA during his current deployment (7 weeks ago at this point and I do feel confidence that it did not progress beyond an EA, no deep connections or sexual contact, and that H and OW no longer contact each other).
After a lot of reflection on my part and some discussion with my H, I feel that our problems started when depression and anxiety began to take hold in my life two years ago. I began to see life in a negative light and, if the book His Needs Her Needs is to be believed, stopped meeting my H's emotional needs.
On the flip side, my H is an optimistic person and my constant state of sadness wore him down. He is more emotionally reserved and does not like talking about emotions and problems. My intense emotions caused him to shut down in his ability to communicate with me. Basically he stopped meeting a very important emotional need for me and then it became a vicious cycle.
And then he deployed, which really doesn't improve a marriage, and the EA happened. I am deeply hurt by the EA but honestly, if it ends up being the thing that woke us both up and saves my marriage, I feel a sense of gratitude that it happened.
My H is still deployed though so, while we are making more progress than backsliding, it is still very hard to fix things properly right now.
Also, what can be done to heal the marriage once H is home in just under five months? How do we heal the damage from the EA and the disconnect that was already there?
The one thing that worries me about us being able to save our marriage is that I am very emotionally expressive and need communication while my H is emotionally reserved and does not like to talk too much about problems.
Our marriage was not all doom and gloom or dead in the water prior to deployment though. We still spent time together, were still playful with each other, still talked and expressed love for each other, still had sex fairly regularly. It was not bad but it was cracked.
If anyone has a success story or positive but realistic advice, I would greatly appreciate it.
Last edited by Lost Lady; 01-02-2016 at 12:59 PM.