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post #16 of 33 (permalink) Old 03-04-2016, 07:45 AM
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Re: Facebook Privacy?

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Originally Posted by GusPolinski View Post
This isn't necessarily true.



Eh... maybe.
I see comments of everyone who is not on my list, if they are commenting on a mutual friend's things. They don't show up in my newsfeed, but their comments show with everyone else's,so not sure how the OP can't see comments of others on things she posts.

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post #17 of 33 (permalink) Old 03-04-2016, 07:54 AM
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Re: Facebook Privacy?

What's been happening in the marriage, other red flags leading up to this ? How is the intimacy? If she's shut you out, allowing this to come between you... there is more at play...she is hiding something....

Is there resentment on her part, that has built over the years ?

I'm not one to find Facebook Evil and the ruination of all marriages.... it's just a medium...sure it allows for easy temptation to cozy up to the opposite sex if one is dissatisfied at home.....

Why it's all the more important to keep the fires burning with our spouses, keep resentments at bay, the communication ongoing...

I wouldn't find this acceptable in my marriage.. Transparency is a beautiful thing.. if it's given "willingly".. the moment one has to force the issue.. SOMETHING IS AMISS... no longer does she want to RUN TO YOU with all her cares, the sharing of her day, what she's feeling.. and to seek this from you...

On that "Facebook comic" thread...

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post #18 of 33 (permalink) Old 03-04-2016, 08:39 AM
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Re: Facebook Privacy?

When you look at her profile do you see the things she has posted that are for friends only? Or just the public things or nothing. If you see public/nothing and are her friend still then she possibly has you on "restricted" access which is in the blocking section. If you see her stuff that's set to private friends only then you see what all her friends see.

I also have my friends list set to only me. Only bc I have family members who get upset if I'm friends with other family members. Hide my friends list, problem solved.
I do want to say there is a way you might be able to pick and choose who can see BUT I'm pretty sure it's just these options- public, friends, friends of friends, only me. I choose only me.

You can only see comments on mutual friends posts based on how her settings are and the friends. Typically anyone who posts a public post and a friend likes/comments on that it will show up on all the friends newsfeeds.

I would think that if she were up to something she would just set a fake fb?!

Ok and last thing- there is an option to set up groups so that when you post things you can have only the people in this group seeing and commenting on the post. It's not called a group it's something else- friends list maybe? Maybe she has that and you aren't included. It's under the friends list and if you ever see someone post a status and next to it shows where it's public of friends instead it will show like * an asterisk or something that means that status was shown to a list of friends not everyone.

What I would do- get in her fb and screenshot her friends list, see if she has people blocked- screenshot that, and see if she has people on restricted and friends lists set up. You need to get in her account and look for those things and well obviously messages and stuff.
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post #19 of 33 (permalink) Old 03-04-2016, 08:58 AM
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Re: Facebook Privacy?

All social media should be completely visible/transparent to both people in a relationship. Now, I don't necessarily believe (unless there has been past issues) this means you should be going in periodically to monitor your SOs activity (a while back someone here posted that as part of relationship "maintenance" this should be done which I completely disagree with). If you have concerns, and your SO is unwilling to budge or make things transparent, that does come across as a red flag.

However, I think it is very important to address @SimplyAmorous questions. Are there any other red flags in your relationship? FB issues are most likely not the cause of relationship issues, but probably the symptom of something else going on, so best to try and sort out what the root cause may be.
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post #20 of 33 (permalink) Old 03-05-2016, 11:02 AM
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Re: Facebook Privacy?

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Originally Posted by EllisRedding View Post
All social media should be completely visible/transparent to both people in a relationship. Now, I don't necessarily believe (unless there has been past issues) this means you should be going in periodically to monitor your SOs activity (a while back someone here posted that as part of relationship "maintenance" this should be done which I completely disagree with). If you have concerns, and your SO is unwilling to budge or make things transparent, that does come across as a red flag.

However, I think it is very important to address @SimplyAmorous questions. Are there any other red flags in your relationship? FB issues are most likely not the cause of relationship issues, but probably the symptom of something else going on, so best to try and sort out what the root cause may be.
Well said! My wife and I have a 100% open policy. She can see anything she wants anytime she wants. Same for me. I just don't understand the "I need my privacy!" argument. If you aren't doing or saying anything wrong, what's the issue?

"You are talking about the nonsensical ravings of a lunatic mind!" Victor Von Frankenstein
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post #21 of 33 (permalink) Old 03-05-2016, 12:12 PM
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Re: Facebook Privacy?

This is why people who are married or in a relationship shouldn't be facebook friends
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post #22 of 33 (permalink) Old 03-05-2016, 12:53 PM
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Re: Facebook Privacy?

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This is why people who are married or in a relationship shouldn't be facebook friends

Whaaaaaaaaaat? This is why they should be!
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post #23 of 33 (permalink) Old 03-05-2016, 12:55 PM
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Re: Facebook Privacy?

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Whaaaaaaaaaat? This is why they should be!
For what reason? Why do I need to announce who I am in a relationship with?
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post #24 of 33 (permalink) Old 03-05-2016, 05:05 PM
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Re: Facebook Privacy?

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For what reason? Why do I need to announce who I am in a relationship with?
Not only should you be friends, but you should check who their "recently" added friends are and FRIEND them.

It is like the spouse showing the wedding band. Warning all who are thinking of making overtures, think twice.

FB is too dangerous to a committed relationship to just leave be.
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post #25 of 33 (permalink) Old 03-05-2016, 06:11 PM
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Re: Facebook Privacy?

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Originally Posted by DoneWithHurting View Post
Not only should you be friends, but you should check who their "recently" added friends are and FRIEND them.

It is like the spouse showing the wedding band. Warning all who are thinking of making overtures, think twice.

FB is too dangerous to a committed relationship to just leave be.

Well I disagree. It's no one's business who I am dating

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post #26 of 33 (permalink) Old 03-06-2016, 01:34 AM
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Re: Facebook Privacy?

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Well I disagree. It's no one's business who I am dating
Is it also none of your wife's business whom you date?
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post #27 of 33 (permalink) Old 03-06-2016, 07:03 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by DoneWithHurting View Post

Not only should you be friends, but you should check who their "recently" added friends are and FRIEND them.

It is like the spouse showing the wedding band. Warning all who are thinking of making overtures, think twice.

FB is too dangerous to a committed relationship to just leave be.

There are people who'd agree with this but I find getting friend requests from spouses of friends, who I have no connection with except knowing the husband, is frankly creepy. As a general rule, I only accept the invitations from people I know personally. If I don't know you, can't remember you as someone I hung out with, and you aren't related, then you're not getting a peek at my Facebook page. I keep that thing on lock down at the highest privacy settings.

Op, if your wife has her facebook settings like mine, then no, you wouldn't see her friends nor would you be able to see certain posts unless she's setup 'groups'. I have a my family group, his family group, high school group, college group, work colleagues group, close friends, and other. Each of those groups has their own privacy settings. For example "my family" has access to all of our family pics. "His family" can only see those I've given permission.

If you want to be able to see her page and posts in their entirety then ask her to create a group just for you with all permissions granted. Simple fix.
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post #28 of 33 (permalink) Old 03-06-2016, 07:12 AM
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Re: Facebook Privacy?

Quote:
Originally Posted by DoneWithHurting View Post
Not only should you be friends, but you should check who their "recently" added friends are and FRIEND them.

It is like the spouse showing the wedding band. Warning all who are thinking of making overtures, think twice.

FB is too dangerous to a committed relationship to just leave be.
IDK, to me this is a bit of an over reaction, but understanding this is coming from my experience with my wife where we have no red flags. We are also both frequent FB users. She can see everything on my FB feed and vice versa.

I honestly think it would be creepy if her friends started friend requesting me, and same thing if I did that to her friends.

Once again, FB is not the issue (as you mention FB is too dangerous). It is solely a tool to use and can be used for wrong when there are other inherent issues with the relationship.
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post #29 of 33 (permalink) Old 03-06-2016, 11:30 AM
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Re: Facebook Privacy?

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Originally Posted by NextTimeAround View Post
Is it also none of your wife's business whom you date?
I don't think married people or people in a relationship should be FB friends
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post #30 of 33 (permalink) Old 03-06-2016, 12:59 PM
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Re: Facebook Privacy?

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I don't think married people or people in a relationship should be FB friends
That could be asking for a world of hurt.
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