No, neither of us has cheated. I read the infidelity stories here and I'm appalled at the way married people treat their spouses. And I'm not just talking about the ones that cheat. Even the BS will often say that they never treated their spouse well, but didn't deserve to be cheated on. I agree with that, but why would any person treat their spouse poorly or ignore them???
I read the stories here and I go find my wife, give her a huge hug, look her in the eyes and tell her how much she means to me. Could she still cheat? Sure. But if she does she won't be able to ever say that I didn't give her my time, emotional security, or love. She KNOWS she is well loved.
Why? For so many reasons - I rejected her, I remember not wanting to be around her. It comes back more and more that fact. It wasn't just the snide remarks and the depression and weight gain and cynicism - we were raising 2 young children, she was earning all the bucks, I was Mr Mum and working part time and still I grew to resent her
Why? She drank, every night, she watched US Medical dramas and other trash TV. Sex stopped. I was bored and stuck - mortgage and children and depression (which I did not realise at the time). I had not stood up and faced reality - I wasn't able to because I was sick, my energy was gone.
Neither of us faced up to this - there were many arguments; bad arguments. Anyone else would have quit but we kept going. We were rolling along the bottom of the barrel but hanging in there - ignoring the deep problems.
She chose to have an affair - she responded to the attention, she took the bait. It made her feel good. I have always owned up to my contribution to the environment where an affair could flourish but I didn't deserve to be subjected to it.
Is anyone unclear as to the quality of many relationships out there? Surely not. In any case an affair is not justified. The fallout is terrible. We are still under the same roof and not a day passes where I do not see her and think about and wonder about what she did. And that's after more than three years.