Success with passive aggressive spouse - Page 2 - Talk About Marriage
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post #16 of 21 (permalink) Old 05-25-2016, 09:22 AM
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Re: Success with passive aggressive spouse

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Originally Posted by marduk View Post
To be honest you sound really clingy and insecure.
And a little controlling. From your story it sounds like there is an expectation for him to justify and explain everything he does.


Passive aggressive and emotionally unavailable (whatever that means)
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post #17 of 21 (permalink) Old 05-25-2016, 09:36 AM
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Re: Success with passive aggressive spouse

Many husbands do not feel like talking. I would not think twice about not answering my wife's phone call, and here he was courteous in sending you a text.

You indicate you are insecure and others suggest somewhat controlling. I hope you would agree that as long as it does not involve infidelity or unlawful conduct, he is entitled to go where he wants and can decide to get a donut and leave if there is a line without a detailed explanation. Rather than being passive aggressive, I think he was being disciplined and as pleasant as he could in not screaming when you asked for a detailed explanation without real cause.



"I'm at work and I know he's home. I get out early and I call him and he doesn't answer his phone. (I have trust issues and I hate when he does this Bc I know he had his phone on him). He doesn't answer the phone but he texts me right away. He eventually calls me and we talk. He tells me he has a big case to prepare for and he has to go get back to studying. In my gut I feel he is being shady. I ask him where are you? And he hesitates and tells me he's on route 30. So obviously he lied Bc he's not home he's driving. He tells me he is driving to Duncan donuts to get coffee. We hang up. I get home, and I see him studying at the table with a cup of coffee he made at home."
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post #18 of 21 (permalink) Old 05-25-2016, 09:56 AM
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Re: Success with passive aggressive spouse

To Blue Clues, you have a sadly accurate understanding of your ex-husband and were probably smart to get out when you could. You are a caring person not to slam your ex-husband on the honyemoon despite more than a little justification.

While ex and new wife is a strange relationship, you might do better working out childcare directly with her since she probably has better organization skills.
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post #19 of 21 (permalink) Old 05-25-2016, 10:18 AM
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Re: Success with passive aggressive spouse

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Originally Posted by Joey2k View Post
And a little controlling. From your story it sounds like there is an expectation for him to justify and explain everything he does.
that was my reaction to reading this too.

overly controlling wife with husband who reacts by being passive aggressive about it.

OP might want to make a log of how often she is checking in on her husband. if it's more than 1-2x per day, it's excessive. if she's giving him the 3rd degree every check in too, that is extreme.

if she wants to resolve things, she can kick it off in the right direction by saying,

"I get the feeling you don't like when I check in on you, so I'm going to back off from doing that a bit. I feel like you haven't always responded honestly to me in the past when I've done this, but that might be because you didn't like the fact that I was checking in with you at all. So I'm going to back off on this, but I'd appreciate it when I do reach out to you if you would try to indulge me and let me know what is really going on with you. I don't need to know every detail, just want to know how you're doing. It's the connection to you that is important to me."
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post #20 of 21 (permalink) Old 05-30-2016, 03:07 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Success with passive aggressive spouse

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Originally Posted by Anon1111 View Post
that was my reaction to reading this too.



overly controlling wife with husband who reacts by being passive aggressive about it.



OP might want to make a log of how often she is checking in on her husband. if it's more than 1-2x per day, it's excessive. if she's giving him the 3rd degree every check in too, that is extreme.



if she wants to resolve things, she can kick it off in the right direction by saying,



"I get the feeling you don't like when I check in on you, so I'm going to back off from doing that a bit. I feel like you haven't always responded honestly to me in the past when I've done this, but that might be because you didn't like the fact that I was checking in with you at all. So I'm going to back off on this, but I'd appreciate it when I do reach out to you if you would try to indulge me and let me know what is really going on with you. I don't need to know every detail, just want to know how you're doing. It's the connection to you that is important to me."

He likes to constantly check in. Way more than me. He is very sensitive when I don't respond to his texts when I cant Bc I'm at work. But he admits fully he trusts me 100% I haven't given him any reason not to trust me and I am always honest with him. We both can get a little upset when we check in and don't get a response. However I have trust issues. He does weird sketchy stuff all the time that doesn't always match up to his explanations. He always tells weird white lies, he always has. Especially to his parents which I see all the time.

He doesn't care if I check up on him. He cares if I Insinuate that he is doing something sketchy. And I understand that. But I only do it when I feel like something sketchy is going on. Like when he says he has to get back to studying and I can tell he's acting weird. I'm not saying he was doing anything wrong, but why lie? It doesn't help someone who has trust issues.
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post #21 of 21 (permalink) Old 05-30-2016, 03:14 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Success with passive aggressive spouse

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Originally Posted by Joey2k View Post
And a little controlling. From your story it sounds like there is an expectation for him to justify and explain everything he does.


Shouldn't there be? If he tells me he has to get back to studying and I find out he isn't studying he is driving... I think he owes me an explanation as to why he lied. Doesn't mean I'm going to crucify him. But it would be nice to know.

He has a bad track record of doing sketchy things. What happens if he is cheating on me? And I never find out Bc I don't questions when he acts sketchy. His behavior makes me not trust him. This can be considered controlling to some but I'm trying to also protect myself. A Girls an idiot if her husband cheats and drops small clues and she doesn't pick up on it or she ignores it. But if she questions him she's controlling?
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