SA, what do you feel we should have shame for?
Totally sincere question, btw. I am not saying I disagree. Just curious as to your view.
I will answer this post with a question... Without a sense of Shame over something we did / said ...is there ever any guilt , leading to remorse, a change in behavior.. some empathy to someone we've wronged...trying to make something RIGHT?
Look at these Presidential candidates.. is there no Shame when Trump has blatantly made fun of the handicapped / his bullying behavior - and we let it go!...we turn a blind eye... is there no shame when Hilary lied - or whatever she did with these dang emails.. I don't follow Politics much at all... it just seems today.. no matter what someone is caught in..... they don't step down any more ...they conveniently deny, LIE, anything to save face, or give half a$$ed apologies, basically "lip service" to the masses & keep going..
Experts say Narcissism is growing among our young people... Narcissists lack empathy.. they do not feel guilt..
I've read that one can feel SHAME and not guilt. I do not understand this.. I can not mentally connect those dots. Shame is NOT a place we should STAY.. it is paralyzing... some get STUCK THERE.. this helps no one...
But it has it's initial purpose...for a healthy individual it will move us to GUILT ...this then motivates us to seek reconciliation, give that sincere apology, seeking to change our behavior.. that is either hurting us or others around us...
But then there is the dilemma of what IS right & wrong.. on this many will bicker & bite & not agree anyway..... as "moral relativism
" has become the norm...
Brene Brown, the "Shame Researcher" has explained it like this... Shame says "I am bad"... Guilt says "I did something Bad"... which is clearly a better motivator.. some people see the 2 the same.. saying it's semantics.. talking to our oldest earlier.. he explained Shame is more related to cultural values/ expectations in any given group, and this group seeks to exclude us -putting shame on us..
We can see how this can humiliate & damage a person ... it's far better to not shame but correct, separate what was done (this being a bad action) from the person who did it..
Remember these from one of your threads I posted..
It's surely a deep subject.. still trying to gain a clearer understanding in my mind to be honest.... basically what I see is many things, such as down right lying, are easily "excused" today (after all everyone does it)....people in the dating world have accepted "ghosting"/ "breaking up" through Text.. and we wonder why Trust is so hard to find... it all comes back to not caring.. no guilt, shame if we hurt another person.. that it doesn't matter if we treat them with dignity....be an example people !
I do miss some of those older fashioned values...