Do we expect too much of our spouse in this day and age? - Talk About Marriage
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post #1 of 30 (permalink) Old 05-26-2016, 07:23 PM Thread Starter
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Do we expect too much of our spouse in this day and age?

I am in my forties and spent a lot of time with my grandparents as my parents both worked. Both sets of grandparents treated me well but were strict and fun to be around. I had little jobs to do at each house such as setting the table, feeding the chickens , drying dishes and watering plants. My grandfathers both worked out of the home at average paying jobs.

They seemed happy with what they had and there was not this pressure to lhave new things or look perfect for one another all the time.


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post #2 of 30 (permalink) Old 05-26-2016, 08:20 PM
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Re: Do we expect too much of our spouse in this day and age?

The simple life is always a happier life. The problem is greed, and trying to keep up with the jones.
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post #3 of 30 (permalink) Old 05-26-2016, 08:47 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Do we expect too much of our spouse in this day and age?

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Originally Posted by katiecrna View Post
The simple life is always a happier life. The problem is greed, and trying to keep up with the jones.
Yes that is true.

Never forget the three powerful resources you always have available to you: love, prayer, and forgiveness.
H. Jackson Brown, Jr.

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post #4 of 30 (permalink) Old 05-26-2016, 09:29 PM
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Re: Do we expect too much of our spouse in this day and age?

Quote:
Originally Posted by btterflykisses View Post
I am in my forties and spent a lot of time with my grandparents as my parents both worked. Both sets of grandparents treated me well but were strict and fun to be around. I had little jobs to do at each house such as setting the table, feeding the chickens , drying dishes and watering plants. My grandfathers both worked out of the home at average paying jobs.

They seemed happy with what they had and there was not this pressure to lhave new things or look perfect for one another all the time.
Yes, the good old days..........really?

People, most people are what? Small minded? They worry about stupid stuff?

This has always been the case. Most folks see the paint job, not the underpinnings, not the foundations in life.

You don't do glitter? You see value where others do not?

Be happy with that.

Live your life to the Fullest.

The others? I assure you...do the same.

Oh yeah! That FULLEST is always up for interpretation.

Live and let live.

This....This is the nub of the stick that pokes me in the eye when the light of day energizes my optic nerve....SunCMars.... The Allegory of the Cave--> On this, I did a '180' and stepped out.

The Lion in Winter. Invictus..By Will, Shall... Saved from harm by my friends.
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post #5 of 30 (permalink) Old 05-26-2016, 09:48 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Do we expect too much of our spouse in this day and age?

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Yes, the good old days..........really?

People, most people are what? Small minded? They worry about stupid stuff?

This has always been the case. Most folks see the paint job, not the underpinnings, not the foundations in life.

You don't do glitter? You see value where others do not?

Be happy with that.

Live your life to the Fullest.

The others? I assure you...do the same.

Oh yeah! That FULLEST is always up for interpretation.

Live and let live.
That is true. We need so little to be truly happy. I just thiink we have too many things we think we need too making life more complicated and expensive than it needs to be.

Never forget the three powerful resources you always have available to you: love, prayer, and forgiveness.
H. Jackson Brown, Jr.

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post #6 of 30 (permalink) Old 05-26-2016, 09:51 PM
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Re: Do we expect too much of our spouse in this day and age?

I think social media has definitely caused this to happen. Never has it been so easy to see what you don't have and ignore what you do.

To expect your spouse to exhibit all the best traits of everyone else's spouse.

And never has it been so easy to complain about your spouse with so many, so quickly.
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post #7 of 30 (permalink) Old 05-26-2016, 10:43 PM
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Re: Do we expect too much of our spouse in this day and age?

I'm in my 40s as well (47). When I married my wife in 1996, there were no smart phones, and texting was a pain in the butt. The internet existed but it was nothing like today. Any predisposed notions I had about marriage came from what I saw in my family and my friends' families, or what I saw on TV and in movies.

I suspect that has been the case for several generations. Heck, Leave it to Beaver and Andy Griffith among others set a pretty high bar for how to act in marriage and with children. Then we had the Cosby Show and Full House to guide the way.

I don't think the internet and newer technology has made marriage harder or put more pressure on spouses. What it has done is open up new ways to cheat and introduced more dialogue about open marriages, polyandry, and cheating. But, TAM and other boards, as well as marriage resource sites, can actually help marriages too.

"You are talking about the nonsensical ravings of a lunatic mind!" Victor Von Frankenstein
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post #8 of 30 (permalink) Old 05-26-2016, 11:18 PM
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Re: Do we expect too much of our spouse in this day and age?

The more I remove non-essential desires from my life, the better my life becomes.

I have way more than I need, I am resolving that month by month... soon I am taking a step down to surround myself with the things I have raced by,

The more I give, the more I appreciate what is offered.

“Man surprised me most about humanity. Because he sacrifices his health in order to make money. Then he sacrifices money to recuperate his health. And then he is so anxious about the future that he does not enjoy the present; the result being that he does not live in the present or the future; he lives as if he is never going to die, and then dies having never really lived.”

the Dalai Lama
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post #9 of 30 (permalink) Old 05-30-2016, 06:41 PM
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Re: Do we expect too much of our spouse in this day and age?

Quote:
Originally Posted by btterflykisses View Post
I am in my forties and spent a lot of time with my grandparents as my parents both worked. Both sets of grandparents treated me well but were strict and fun to be around. I had little jobs to do at each house such as setting the table, feeding the chickens , drying dishes and watering plants. My grandfathers both worked out of the home at average paying jobs.

They seemed happy with what they had and there was not this pressure to lhave new things or look perfect for one another all the time.
I've used my grandparents way of life as a point of reference many times. Like others, when i was a kid there was no internet, texting, etc. Sure, we had movies and tv, but I viewed that as entertainment and their lives as reality.

Somehow, I turned out to be a guy who truly does enjoy the simple things in life free of the rat race. I discovered later in life that women today aren't looking for the same things my grandparents sought in a spouse.
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post #10 of 30 (permalink) Old 05-30-2016, 10:21 PM
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Re: Do we expect too much of our spouse in this day and age?

Do we expect too much of our spouse in this day and age?

Yes, and too little of ourselves.

http://www.nytimes.com/2016/05/29/op...av=MostEmailed

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post #11 of 30 (permalink) Old 05-31-2016, 04:59 PM
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Re: Do we expect too much of our spouse in this day and age?

Some professions require that people look the part. This may call for fancy clothes & shoes, a top of the line car and house on the right side of the tracks. Just as long as people remember that it's just a little dog & pony show they won't get caught up in the materialism mindset.

I think that some spouses expect the spouse to be their be all and end all. Their best friend as well as husband and lover and father to their children. People need to allow for differences between spouses and the freedom to enjoy those differences. Just look at an infidelity forum and you'll see (primarily women) bemoaning the fact that they've lost their best friend. Husband trumps best friend all day long.
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post #12 of 30 (permalink) Old 06-23-2016, 11:57 AM
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Re: Do we expect too much of our spouse in this day and age?

I think that it is dependent on personal backgrounds, but I agree that appreciating the simple pleasures in live will often times leave one more fulfilled than being concerned constantly by having the next best thing.

I agree with what some have said about the ease of comparison in modern life. It's very easy for me to look at hundreds or thousands of images on pinterest and find so many things that I think would make my home perfect and make me happy, but ultimately I know that is probably not the case.
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post #13 of 30 (permalink) Old 06-28-2016, 08:40 AM
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Re: Do we expect too much of our spouse in this day and age?

If you are looking for a single person to fulfill you and all your wants and needs, you are going to be disappointed.
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post #14 of 30 (permalink) Old 06-28-2016, 02:10 PM
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Re: Do we expect too much of our spouse in this day and age?

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Originally Posted by btterflykisses View Post
I am in my forties and spent a lot of time with my grandparents as my parents both worked. Both sets of grandparents treated me well but were strict and fun to be around. I had little jobs to do at each house such as setting the table, feeding the chickens , drying dishes and watering plants. My grandfathers both worked out of the home at average paying jobs.

They seemed happy with what they had and there was not this pressure to lhave new things or look perfect for one another all the time.
Your perception of your grandparents is a perception of that of a little kid. Because that is who you were at the time. People look back fondly at the generation of their youth because their perception of it was that of a child, they had not realization about what it was like to be an adult during that time.

Last edited by sokillme; 06-28-2016 at 04:24 PM.
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post #15 of 30 (permalink) Old 06-28-2016, 02:20 PM
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Re: Do we expect too much of our spouse in this day and age?

You have to be happy within yourself. If you don't have that inner happiness, peace, or whatever term you want to call it, you won't be happy, no matter your spouse, money situation, life. It is so cliche but so true...happiness does come from within.
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