Attempted WS Story/Recovery - Talk About Marriage
Long Term Success in Marriage If you've been married 10+ years and consider your marriage a success, post your success story here. Help others by talking about what works for you.

View Poll Results: Did I do the right thing by trying to provide advice to this young military wife?
Yes, she benefited from your advice/counsel. 7 87.50%
No, she will forget all about and remember you as some old guy trying to pick her up. 1 12.50%
Multiple Choice Poll. Voters: 8. You may not vote on this poll

User Tag List

 17Likes
Reply
 
LinkBack Thread Tools Search this Thread
post #1 of 20 (permalink) Old 07-24-2016, 04:22 PM Thread Starter
Member
 
MAJDEATH's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2015
Location: USA
Posts: 1,022
Attempted WS Story/Recovery

Last night I went out with an old friend. He is divorced and looking, I was acting as a wing-man. He meets a lady and starts talking to her, I tried to help by talking him up to her girlfriend standing close-by. Turns out the girlfriend is actually a younger sister, and she is a military spouse with a husband who is deployed.

She tries to open our conversation by flirting with me, but being the old married guy (20 yrs), I quickly notice her ring and ask how long she has been married: to show her I have no interest in trying to pick her up. She is obviously drunk and looking to have fun with whatever guy wants to, while continuing to pound drinks.

So I engage in conversation and let her know I am an old married guy, and that I too was in the military and I know how hard it is for the wives to deal with the deployments. She shows me pictures of her husband and their 2 kids and I thank her for the sacrifice and that it will get better with time. They have been married 7 yrs. Apparently they also are having some marriage difficulties with finance and parenting. I show her some internet support sites to help with that.

Her older sister has never been married, no kids, and doesn't understand the difficulties of being married into the military. She just wanted them to go out and have fun.

Our discussion eventually gets back around to what she is doing out at a bar/nightclub. I get her to stop the alcoholic drinks, start drinking some water to hydrate, and think about her husband and family until her sister is ready to go. It's alright to have fun but maintain the big perspective. I told her she should tell her husband that she met a really nice married former military officer and he gave her some positive and uplifting advice, and kept her from making a mistake with some Jody.

She started happy crying and big sister tried to give me some grief about that, but I tried to explain that based on what I've learned on my life's journey, I was trying to help her sister. It did remind me of my own story and the difficulties of how my wife dealt with my own deployment absences. I think in the end it made her feel better to know that she wasn't alone and that others were understanding and supportive. I also told her quit telling strange guys you meet that your husband is gone! She agreed. We talked for about 2 hours total, and at the end she started asking me personal questions about where I work, my family, etc. I was careful not to reveal too much because I wasn't sure of her motivations because I was only trying to help and didn't want her drunk mind to get the wrong idea.

My friend did get a phone number from the sister so I guess the night was successful for him, and for me. Let's hope she pays-it-forward to the next military couple in 20 years.


The success of marriage comes not in finding the “right” person, but in the ability of both partners to adjust to the real person they inevitably realize they married - John Fischer
MAJDEATH is offline  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
post #2 of 20 (permalink) Old 07-24-2016, 04:49 PM
Forum Supporter
 
MarriedDude's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2014
Location: ORYGUN
Posts: 1,848
Re: Attempted WS Story/Recovery

Quote:
Originally Posted by MAJDEATH View Post
Last night I went out with an old friend. He is divorced and looking, I was acting as a wing-man. He meets a lady and starts talking to her, I tried to help by talking him up to her girlfriend standing close-by. Turns out the girlfriend is actually a younger sister, and she is a military spouse with a husband who is deployed.

She tries to open our conversation by flirting with me, but being the old married guy (20 yrs), I quickly notice her ring and ask how long she has been married: to show her I have no interest in trying to pick her up. She is obviously drunk and looking to have fun with whatever guy wants to, while continuing to pound drinks.

So I engage in conversation and let her know I am an old married guy, and that I too was in the military and I know how hard it is for the wives to deal with the deployments. She shows me pictures of her husband and their 2 kids and I thank her for the sacrifice and that it will get better with time. They have been married 7 yrs. Apparently they also are having some marriage difficulties with finance and parenting. I show her some internet support sites to help with that.

Her older sister has never been married, no kids, and doesn't understand the difficulties of being married into the military. She just wanted them to go out and have fun.

Our discussion eventually gets back around to what she is doing out at a bar/nightclub. I get her to stop the alcoholic drinks, start drinking some water to hydrate, and think about her husband and family until her sister is ready to go. It's alright to have fun but maintain the big perspective. I told her she should tell her husband that she met a really nice married former military officer and he gave her some positive and uplifting advice, and kept her from making a mistake with some Jody.

She started happy crying and big sister tried to give me some grief about that, but I tried to explain that based on what I've learned on my life's journey, I was trying to help her sister. It did remind me of my own story and the difficulties of how my wife dealt with my own deployment absences. I think in the end it made her feel better to know that she wasn't alone and that others were understanding and supportive. I also told her quit telling strange guys you meet that your husband is gone! She agreed. We talked for about 2 hours total, and at the end she started asking me personal questions about where I work, my family, etc. I was careful not to reveal too much because I wasn't sure of her motivations because I was only trying to help and didn't want her drunk mind to get the wrong idea.

My friend did get a phone number from the sister so I guess the night was successful for him, and for me. Let's hope she pays-it-forward to the next military couple in 20 years.
Whatever your intentions were....it was a waste of time given the circumstances. She probably won't remember....OR if she does and describes this to her husband...it's not gonna turn out good.

Holes burn deep in your chest,
Raked by machine gun fire.
Screaming soul sent out to die,
Living mandatory suicide.
MarriedDude is offline  
post #3 of 20 (permalink) Old 07-25-2016, 08:58 PM Thread Starter
Member
 
MAJDEATH's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2015
Location: USA
Posts: 1,022
Well I did my part to try and help, but who knows what the results will be. She'll probably be back out there this weekend, doing the same thing.
MAJDEATH is offline  
 
post #4 of 20 (permalink) Old 07-25-2016, 09:21 PM
Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2016
Posts: 4,000
Re: Attempted WS Story/Recovery

Quote:
Originally Posted by MAJDEATH View Post
Last night I went out with an old friend. He is divorced and looking, I was acting as a wing-man. He meets a lady and starts talking to her, I tried to help by talking him up to her girlfriend standing close-by. Turns out the girlfriend is actually a younger sister, and she is a military spouse with a husband who is deployed.

She tries to open our conversation by flirting with me, but being the old married guy (20 yrs), I quickly notice her ring and ask how long she has been married: to show her I have no interest in trying to pick her up. She is obviously drunk and looking to have fun with whatever guy wants to, while continuing to pound drinks.

So I engage in conversation and let her know I am an old married guy, and that I too was in the military and I know how hard it is for the wives to deal with the deployments. She shows me pictures of her husband and their 2 kids and I thank her for the sacrifice and that it will get better with time. They have been married 7 yrs. Apparently they also are having some marriage difficulties with finance and parenting. I show her some internet support sites to help with that.

Her older sister has never been married, no kids, and doesn't understand the difficulties of being married into the military. She just wanted them to go out and have fun.

Our discussion eventually gets back around to what she is doing out at a bar/nightclub. I get her to stop the alcoholic drinks, start drinking some water to hydrate, and think about her husband and family until her sister is ready to go. It's alright to have fun but maintain the big perspective. I told her she should tell her husband that she met a really nice married former military officer and he gave her some positive and uplifting advice, and kept her from making a mistake with some Jody.

She started happy crying and big sister tried to give me some grief about that, but I tried to explain that based on what I've learned on my life's journey, I was trying to help her sister. It did remind me of my own story and the difficulties of how my wife dealt with my own deployment absences. I think in the end it made her feel better to know that she wasn't alone and that others were understanding and supportive. I also told her quit telling strange guys you meet that your husband is gone! She agreed. We talked for about 2 hours total, and at the end she started asking me personal questions about where I work, my family, etc. I was careful not to reveal too much because I wasn't sure of her motivations because I was only trying to help and didn't want her drunk mind to get the wrong idea.

My friend did get a phone number from the sister so I guess the night was successful for him, and for me. Let's hope she pays-it-forward to the next military couple in 20 years.
Tell your friend birds of a feather.
sokillme is offline  
post #5 of 20 (permalink) Old 07-25-2016, 09:36 PM
Moderator
 
MattMatt's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2012
Location: England
Posts: 19,212
Re: Attempted WS Story/Recovery

You did what you could. No shame in that.
Posted via Mobile Device

http://mygeneralblog1.blogspot.co.uk
http://mygeneralblog1.blogspot.co.uk...-cheaters.html (Be afraid UK cheaters! CheaterVille has come to the UK!
MattMatt is online now  
post #6 of 20 (permalink) Old 07-25-2016, 09:57 PM Thread Starter
Member
 
MAJDEATH's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2015
Location: USA
Posts: 1,022
Quote:
Originally Posted by sokillme View Post
Quote:
Originally Posted by MAJDEATH View Post
Last night I went out with an old friend. He is divorced and looking, I was acting as a wing-man. He meets a lady and starts talking to her, I tried to help by talking him up to her girlfriend standing close-by. Turns out the girlfriend is actually a younger sister, and she is a military spouse with a husband who is deployed.

She tries to open our conversation by flirting with me, but being the old married guy (20 yrs), I quickly notice her ring and ask how long she has been married: to show her I have no interest in trying to pick her up. She is obviously drunk and looking to have fun with whatever guy wants to, while continuing to pound drinks.

So I engage in conversation and let her know I am an old married guy, and that I too was in the military and I know how hard it is for the wives to deal with the deployments. She shows me pictures of her husband and their 2 kids and I thank her for the sacrifice and that it will get better with time. They have been married 7 yrs. Apparently they also are having some marriage difficulties with finance and parenting. I show her some internet support sites to help with that.

Her older sister has never been married, no kids, and doesn't understand the difficulties of being married into the military. She just wanted them to go out and have fun.

Our discussion eventually gets back around to what she is doing out at a bar/nightclub. I get her to stop the alcoholic drinks, start drinking some water to hydrate, and think about her husband and family until her sister is ready to go. It's alright to have fun but maintain the big perspective. I told her she should tell her husband that she met a really nice married former military officer and he gave her some positive and uplifting advice, and kept her from making a mistake with some Jody.

She started happy crying and big sister tried to give me some grief about that, but I tried to explain that based on what I've learned on my life's journey, I was trying to help her sister. It did remind me of my own story and the difficulties of how my wife dealt with my own deployment absences. I think in the end it made her feel better to know that she wasn't alone and that others were understanding and supportive. I also told her quit telling strange guys you meet that your husband is gone! She agreed. We talked for about 2 hours total, and at the end she started asking me personal questions about where I work, my family, etc. I was careful not to reveal too much because I wasn't sure of her motivations because I was only trying to help and didn't want her drunk mind to get the wrong idea.

My friend did get a phone number from the sister so I guess the night was successful for him, and for me. Let's hope she pays-it-forward to the next military couple in 20 years.
Tell your friend birds of a feather.
???
MAJDEATH is offline  
post #7 of 20 (permalink) Old 07-25-2016, 09:57 PM
Forum Supporter
 
Emerging Buddhist's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2016
Location: World-wide
Posts: 1,370
Re: Attempted WS Story/Recovery

At that moment, you were the right guy at the right time.

Whether she takes the lesson to heart the next time will not be known, but that night the difference was made.

Sometimes that's all it takes...

Last edited by Emerging Buddhist; 07-25-2016 at 10:08 PM.
Emerging Buddhist is offline  
post #8 of 20 (permalink) Old 07-25-2016, 10:03 PM
Moderator
 
MattMatt's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2012
Location: England
Posts: 19,212
Re: Attempted WS Story/Recovery

Quote:
Originally Posted by MAJDEATH View Post
???
Apparently sisters aren't supposed to socialise.
Posted via Mobile Device

http://mygeneralblog1.blogspot.co.uk
http://mygeneralblog1.blogspot.co.uk...-cheaters.html (Be afraid UK cheaters! CheaterVille has come to the UK!
MattMatt is online now  
post #9 of 20 (permalink) Old 07-25-2016, 10:09 PM
Banned
 
Join Date: Jul 2016
Posts: 38
Re: Attempted WS Story/Recovery

This poll is sort of after the fact and you'll never get an unanimous answer so what do you possibly hope to gain other than escape from boredom.
Whirlpool is offline  
post #10 of 20 (permalink) Old 07-25-2016, 10:16 PM Thread Starter
Member
 
MAJDEATH's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2015
Location: USA
Posts: 1,022
I don't know which is a worse feeling: wishing that someone would have encouraged my fWW to straighten up when she had a deployed hubby and was cheating so many years ago, or knowing that a few friends did ask her to straighten up and she either ignored them or tried to sleep with them too.

MAJDEATH is offline  
post #11 of 20 (permalink) Old 07-25-2016, 10:17 PM
Banned
 
Join Date: Jul 2016
Posts: 38
Re: Attempted WS Story/Recovery

You're still with this woman who tried to sleep with all your friends?
Whirlpool is offline  
post #12 of 20 (permalink) Old 07-25-2016, 11:16 PM Thread Starter
Member
 
MAJDEATH's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2015
Location: USA
Posts: 1,022
Quote:
Originally Posted by Whirlpool View Post
You're still with this woman who tried to sleep with all your friends?
I am still with her, and they were her friends and co-workers.
MAJDEATH is offline  
post #13 of 20 (permalink) Old 07-26-2016, 12:17 AM
Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2016
Posts: 4,000
Re: Attempted WS Story/Recovery

Quote:
Originally Posted by MAJDEATH View Post
???
Here sister is probably a lot like here married sister. You know birds of a feather flock together. In fact her sister is actively encouraging her married sister to go out and meet guys. Not a good choice, actually a very bad choice. He should run away from her as fast as he can.
sokillme is offline  
post #14 of 20 (permalink) Old 07-26-2016, 01:53 PM
Member
 
Maricha75's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Michigan
Posts: 7,290
Re: Attempted WS Story/Recovery

Quote:
Originally Posted by sokillme View Post
Here sister is probably a lot like here married sister. You know birds of a feather flock together. In fact her sister is actively encouraging her married sister to go out and meet guys. Not a good choice, actually a very bad choice. He should run away from her as fast as he can.
Not necessarily. I have friends who do a lot of things I don't... like drinking, smoking (both tobacco and marijuana)... and some of my friends liked to party. I, however, never did any of that. The only time I ever had alcohol, other than a couple sips around the age of my first communion, was as an adult... and even then, it was still sips, and I was in my 30s. And my sisters... one drank and smoked for years. The sister could have brought her sister along just for companionship, or to get her out of the house. You may be right about the sisters, but it is equally likely you are wrong.

Sent from my SAMSUNG-SM-G930A using Tapatalk

You can use the 2x4 without adding nails to it.
Maricha75 is online now  
post #15 of 20 (permalink) Old 07-28-2016, 05:04 AM
Moderator
 
MattMatt's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2012
Location: England
Posts: 19,212
Re: Attempted WS Story/Recovery

Quote:
Originally Posted by Maricha75 View Post
Not necessarily. I have friends who do a lot of things I don't... like drinking, smoking (both tobacco and marijuana)... and some of my friends liked to party. I, however, never did any of that. The only time I ever had alcohol, other than a couple sips around the age of my first communion, was as an adult... and even then, it was still sips, and I was in my 30s. And my sisters... one drank and smoked for years. The sister could have brought her sister along just for companionship, or to get her out of the house. You may be right about the sisters, but it is equally likely you are wrong.

Sent from my SAMSUNG-SM-G930A using Tapatalk
Banned, huh? Sooo.... What's the likelihood of him being wrong, I wonder?
Posted via Mobile Device

http://mygeneralblog1.blogspot.co.uk
http://mygeneralblog1.blogspot.co.uk...-cheaters.html (Be afraid UK cheaters! CheaterVille has come to the UK!
MattMatt is online now  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
Reply

Quick Reply
Message:
Options

Register Now



In order to be able to post messages on Talk About Marriage, you must first register. Please enter your desired user name, your email address and other required details in the form below.

Important! Your username will be visible to the public next to anything you post and could show up in search engines like Google. If you are concerned about anonymity, PLEASE choose a username that will not be recognizable to anyone you know.

User Name:
Password
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.

Password:


Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address for yourself.

Email Address:
OR

Log-in









Human Verification

In order to verify that you are a human and not a spam bot, please enter the answer into the following box below based on the instructions contained in the graphic.



Thread Tools Search this Thread
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search



Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Admins, can we start a WS Stories forum section? MAJDEATH Coping with Infidelity 368 07-24-2016 11:10 PM
My WS is mad at me... Uno Coping with Infidelity 73 05-25-2016 05:56 AM
WS goes with AP - think it happens more than we think? CantBelieveThis Coping with Infidelity 69 03-16-2016 02:47 PM
To BS who's WS had a long term affair... badmemory Coping with Infidelity 35 02-10-2016 04:08 PM

Posting Rules  
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off

 
For the best viewing experience please update your browser to Google Chrome