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post #46 of 149 (permalink) Old 08-15-2016, 08:57 PM
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Re: The Love Busting "Independent behavior" attitude & how it can hurt our marriages.

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Originally Posted by notmyrealname4 View Post
Most of my hobbies are done alone. Like 90% of them.

My husband is fine with that.

So, although I am personally very independent; I don't do things without considering the effect on our marriage, or my husband's feelings.
What you wrote here about having consideration caught my attention. I learned from my husband what inclusion meant, while still having our own interests and path. There's a beautiful balance to be found and shared. He has demonstrated support and shown interest in what's important to me. And it was simply a matter of sharing with him and having consideration to him and us.

He's a volunteer firefighter. Before he started, I was fearful about this. As way of reassurance to me, he shared aspects of his learning and the support available. I see the team camaraderie and personal growth he's experienced. It's a small but heart-warming thing to have members of the brigade already know who I am, introduce themselves and make me feel welcome. It's his path that, thanks to his actions, I very much feel a part of and support where possible.


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post #47 of 149 (permalink) Old 08-15-2016, 09:34 PM
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Re: The Love Busting "Independent behavior" attitude & how it can hurt our marriages.

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He's a volunteer firefighter. Before he started, I was fearful about this. As way of reassurance to me, he shared aspects of his learning and the support available. I see the team camaraderie and personal growth he's experienced. It's a small but heart-warming thing to have members of the brigade already know who I am, introduce themselves and make me feel welcome. It's his path that, thanks to his actions, I very much feel a part of and support where possible.
That would be scary.

I guess we do have to let our spouses be themselves as much as possible. If we love them, we want them to flourish.

But if it is something potentially life-threatening that they enjoy; then I think it is very understanding of you to be so supportive.
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post #48 of 149 (permalink) Old 08-15-2016, 10:29 PM Thread Starter
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Re: The Love Busting "Independent behavior" attitude & how it can hurt our marriages.

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Originally Posted by Scannerguard View Post
Hey SA,

Thank you so much for you reply; I did listen to every word.

TO answer your husbands rhetorical question: "What's wrong with a clinger?"

If you are both clingers: Nothing. Not one damn thing other than maybe some people (not me) may do the "gag me with a spoon" gesture.
Yes.. why compatibility is so important.. never to be overlooked or felt we can change anyone....this may come off a cute little diddy by Dr Seuss .. but it's true !



Quote:
If one of you isn't, it's freaky and unnerving to the one being clung to. And frustrating to the clinger. You start to worry about them and it becomes dysfunctional immediately. . .you sort of hope it will get better but you usually realize one is expecting a level of intimacy that you just can't give. And then you feel like the bad guy. The clinger conversely feels disappointed all the time.

I feel this was a parallel topic, close enough to "Independence"/"Interdependence" that it deserved discussion. I hope that was okay with you.
It does deserve Opened up... Here is the BAD, the Weak, the Needy....the Clingy (in a negative light)...

I don't feel spending 15 hrs of emotionally invested "one on one" in a week's time , as Harley recommends would be considered Clingy in any way though.. but a minimal balance for the majority... there will be @EllisRedding marriages that are OK with far less..

What you describe here could be called "THE SPONGE" taken from this book High Maintenance Relationships:

Quote:
The Anatomy of a Sponge

* Constantly in need; gives nothing back
* Clingy
* Stifling
* Needy
* Guilt-inducing
* Fearful
* Egocentric
* Smothering
* Crisis-oriented

Understanding a Sponge

Sponges suffer from terribly low self-esteem.
Sponges are desperately trying to merge with another person in a vain attempt to feel better about themselves.

Sponges don’t posess enough self worth to stand on their own two feet, so they try to stand on yours.

Sponges, more than most other high-maintenance relationships, are crying out, strangely enough, to be needed.

The avaricious man is like the barren sandy ground of the desert which sucks in all the rain and dew with greediness, but yields no fruitful herbs or plants for the benefit of others.

Do you know a Sponge?

If you can answer yes to at least 10 of these questions then you are in a relationship with a Sponge.

1. Sometimes I feel that this person is attached to my side.
2. Rarely does this person explore my needs and concerns.
3. Sometimes it feels as if this person is literally soaking up my time and resources.
4. This relationship may be close in some respects, but it is stagnant.
5. This person almost always appears to be needy.
6. When I say no to this person, I often feel guilty.
7. This person is clingy and needy.
8. I often feel smothered by this person.
9. It sometimes feels as if this person is simply moving from one crisis to another.
10. At times I feel as if this person is pulling me under.
11. This person has a fear of missing out or being left out.
12. I have difficulty setting boundaries with this person.
13. I spend a disproportionate amount of time working on this person’s problems and concerns compared to my own.
14. This person is not afraid to ask for a favor.
15. This person often drains my energy.
None of these would apply in how husband sees me or how I see him.. not in the smallest way..

I did a post not too long ago on a thread here > If you are in a good marriage, ...I believe I hit on something about myself, my childhood & how it shaped me...(we all have our stories right)...

A while back @jld suggested I get this book... The Good Marriage: How and Why Love Lasts ... so I bought it.. skimmed through it.. it spoke & explained 5 different types of Marriages...

1. Romantic Marriage

2. Rescue Marriage

3. Companionate Marriage

4. Traditional Marriage

5. Renegotiating Marriage

When I read the chapter on "the Romantic Marriage"... it was like ...WOW.. that is so US !!...but also what I learned in that chapter was how many in these type marriages speak of a "hole" in their childhoods.. a severe loss... it spoke of one woman who never had a Mother, she was deprived of maternal affection & love, how her mother didn't touch her..

In my life.. my mother loved me.. but she left me.. she had a nervous breakdown & ran off with an alcoholic.. she was my best friend before that.. my world so to speak, and that was ripped from me..

I will copy a few parts from that particular chapter...

Quote:
All Courtship begins with a fantasy - a fervent desire, bordering on delusion, that another person can step in & magically undo all of life's hurts and disappointments . The new loved one will adore you forever, protect you, drive away wicked people, make you feel whole, valued, beautiful, worthy, and honorable - forever...

then a few more paragraphs & it says this...

"Every child experiences some hurts & losses while growing up, no matter how loving the parents. Of the people in Romantic marriages, a high proportion had sustained severe losses during childhood, including the death or physical or mental illness of a parent, Sara & to a lessor extent Matt, did not feel loved by their Mothers. Both spoke of having a "hole' in their childhoods. The sense of magic and of a relationship that extends beyond time and space may rest on the unconscious connection between the adult lover and the lost beloved person from childhood"


....down further.. it spoke of men..

" Several of the men in romantic marriages had lonely, isolated childhoods in which fantasy probably played an important role. Others had sustained losses as children, the mothers of 2 were hospitalized for many years. These men came to adulthood with intense, long post poned needs for love & closeness.

These men's sense of making up for early losses may help explain why they felt almost physically connected to their wives. The couples in romantic marriages often seemed to have an unusual unity, not only on an emotional level, but on a physical level as well.."I've never not felt in love with her. I've never even had dreams in which I was with someone else. She is very much a part of me, a soul mate".. said one man.. His wife said .."I feel whole when he's in the house".

In fact, each partner's central identity was defined by the marital bond, as it they were halves of a whole.


It went on to speak of a man who described the early losses & the love for his wife..he was an only child who lost his father in an airplane crash when he was 10, then his Mom became a falling down drunk...family life was non -existent.. growing up he watched "Father knows Best"...he would think "I wish I had a family like that...I knew I was missing something...it was a stable family, they respected each other, they dealt with the little foibles of life, nothing could destroy that stability"..

That television show kept his hope alive.. it was the church of his childhood..and in his marriage his passionate love for his wife reflected his joy, his sense of having been granted a miracle, and his sheer incredulity at finding her....
When I read all of that.. I can relate to feeling LIKE THIS...(I was an only child too).... I enjoyed watching shows like the Waltons , Little House on the Prairie .... loved that Larger family stability ...

or listening to my Beloved Grandmother next door speak of her Courtship with my Grandfather...they had a very loving marriage... these things surely influenced me and gave me hope for my own future.

But I so wanted to GIVE In a relationship , I felt I had much to share with another to enhance their life too.....I am a hard worker (even if not a career woman, work ethic is high on the bar)... honest to a fault, responsible...but also very Romantic...what can I say... I love intimacy... I am passionate about it!....

It wasn't about taking.. blood sucking someone....ya know...in this way.. I surely feel I was healthy -even if a little beaten down by my childhood back then. I dreamed of a much better life for myself & that special man ...what we could create together...
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post #49 of 149 (permalink) Old 08-15-2016, 10:56 PM
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Re: The Love Busting "Independent behavior" attitude & how it can hurt our marriages.

By birth, by Nature, by God.....I am Independent.

And by loneliness, I do suffer that Rock.

This....This is the nub of the stick that pokes me in the eye when the light of day energizes my optic nerve....SunCMars.... The Allegory of the Cave--> On this, I did a '180' and stepped out.

The Lion in Winter. Invictus..By Will, Shall... Saved from harm by my friends.
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post #50 of 149 (permalink) Old 08-16-2016, 02:24 AM
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Re: The Love Busting "Independent behavior" attitude & how it can hurt our marriages.

Reason number 55 why Heartsbeating - melts mine.


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Originally Posted by heartsbeating View Post
What you wrote here about having consideration caught my attention. I learned from my husband what inclusion meant, while still having our own interests and path. There's a beautiful balance to be found and shared. He has demonstrated support and shown interest in what's important to me. And it was simply a matter of sharing with him and having consideration to him and us.

He's a volunteer firefighter. Before he started, I was fearful about this. As way of reassurance to me, he shared aspects of his learning and the support available. I see the team camaraderie and personal growth he's experienced. It's a small but heart-warming thing to have members of the brigade already know who I am, introduce themselves and make me feel welcome. It's his path that, thanks to his actions, I very much feel a part of and support where possible.
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post #51 of 149 (permalink) Old 08-16-2016, 03:49 AM
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Re: The Love Busting "Independent behavior" attitude & how it can hurt our marriages.

Great Topic!

I heard Dr. Harley give this explanation about IB on his radio show once and it really helped me understand it even better. He has a wife who was upset by things her husband did that he didn't see why it mattered or didn't want to stop doing.

I can't stand IB but even I was kind of thinking "chill out, woman..." over some of the things she didn't like him doing.

But Dr. Harley told the husband to imagine he is driving a truck, and his wife is outside, tethered to the truck with a rope, jogging along side. Everything he does - every stop, every turn, every acceleration affects her whether he intends for it to or not.

I'm not sure it was the same couple but there was one where the H made dresser drawers for their child. His wife didn't want him to make them and had a different idea than him of what "finished" meant. (In her world finished involved sanding and stain, in his world, apparently not so much."

At first I thought - why on earth would she not love that he's making this? But then I realized - the fact that it was taking him so long and she wanted the wood stained and he didn't see the importance in that, really did affect her too.

Interesting.

My H is getting much better but he would do IB things that were super little, but just drove me crazy and really hurt my feelings because they conveyed the message "I'm don't care what you want/you're right here but I'm oblivious to you." and that would be he would 1) just flip the channel on the TV or change the radio station when I was right there, never asking "Do you mind if I change this?" and 2) Turn the bedroom light off the second he got into bed while I was still doing things like undressing or straightening the blankets. It was like ...WTF? Do you not see that I am right here using the light?

I think that's IB. Anything like that is crazy making because even if it's small it reminds you that you have no control over that part of your life. The other person just does whatever the hell they want and you are dragged along.

Now that I know about IB I try very hard to always ask him "do you mind if I" "how would you feel about me..." before I do anything that affects him.

Except I am not going to stop eating potato chips. Sorry. But until I start to get fat - he'll just have to deal with that one. (I do eat them in the other room where the crunching won't bother him.)
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post #52 of 149 (permalink) Old 08-16-2016, 03:49 AM
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Re: The Love Busting "Independent behavior" attitude & how it can hurt our marriages.

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Originally Posted by SimplyAmorous View Post
Y

I don't feel spending 15 hrs of emotionally invested "one on one" in a week's time , as Harley recommends would be considered Clingy in any way though.. but a minimal balance for the majority... there will be @EllisRedding marriages that are OK with far less..
I don't think there is anything wrong with 15hrs a week, ideally that would be great, I just don't think it is realistic for many with a family (not just my situation but many others I know). 15hrs just seems arbitrary, would rather focus on making the most on the time you have when you do have it.
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post #53 of 149 (permalink) Old 08-16-2016, 08:26 AM
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Re: The Love Busting "Independent behavior" attitude & how it can hurt our marriages.

Now see, speaking to the travel aspect of a relationship and independence, I would like my second career to be a traveling job M-F and I would like to meet a partner who was cool with that. Essentially I would travel Monday through Friday and spend my time teaching healthcare professionals and in my off time, during the week, I hope to exercise and write. I would be well paid for this with benefits.

Fly back in on Friday and be with her/family. Vacations, holidays. . .all in there. . .being self-employed I never had any of this. I"m single now so I can choose this lifestyle unencumbered.

But, I have had women scold me saying "Well, you'll never have a relationship that way!!!"

So maybe this is too unrealistic on how people are wired (wired, to well, "cling". . .darn. . .there goes that negative word). I can't be shaking a Simplyamorous-like SO loose at the airport every week, holding my ankle as I try to board .

I am not sure I can handle these dramatic partings every week. (what an ego, lol - yes I'm teasing you SA)

A guy has gotta roam dear.

And maybe I seem a bit confused. . .but maybe, I got you pegged! Ha! Don't know what to do about those tossed salad and scrambled eggs. . .they're posting again. Scannerguard has left the building.

Last edited by Scannerguard; 08-16-2016 at 08:34 AM.
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post #54 of 149 (permalink) Old 08-16-2016, 08:39 AM
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Re: The Love Busting "Independent behavior" attitude & how it can hurt our marriages.

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Originally Posted by SimplyAmorous View Post
What you describe here could be called "THE SPONGE" taken from this book High Maintenance Relationships:



None of these would apply in how husband sees me or how I see him.. not in the smallest way..

I did a post not too long ago on a thread here > If you are in a good marriage, ...I believe I hit on something about myself, my childhood & how it shaped me...(we all have our stories right)...


In my life.. my mother loved me.. but she left me.. she had a nervous breakdown & ran off with an alcoholic.. she was my best friend before that.. my world so to speak, and that was ripped from me..



or listening to my Beloved Grandmother next door speak of her Courtship with my Grandfather...they had a very loving marriage... these things surely influenced me and gave me hope for my own future.

But I so wanted to GIVE In a relationship , I felt I had much to share with another to enhance their life too.....I am a hard worker (even if not a career woman, work ethic is high on the bar)... honest to a fault, responsible...but also very Romantic...what can I say... I love intimacy... I am passionate about it!....

It wasn't about taking.. blood sucking someone....ya know...in this way.. I surely feel I was healthy -even if a little beaten down by my childhood back then. I dreamed of a much better life for myself & that special man ...what we could create together...


No, SA, I do not think you would be mistaken for a sponge. I think you have added to your husband's life in nothing but a positive sense.

And that said, if one member of a couple is a "sponge", and the other one is okay with it; who would anyone else be to judge?


I think you rose from the ashes of your childhood, and created something so much better than what you had.


I loved those shows too. I thought Jim-Bob on the Walton's was so cute.
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post #55 of 149 (permalink) Old 08-16-2016, 08:42 AM
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Re: The Love Busting "Independent behavior" attitude & how it can hurt our marriages.

I would love to see the folder on @SimplyAmorous computer where she keeps all these images she posts

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post #56 of 149 (permalink) Old 08-16-2016, 09:20 AM
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Re: The Love Busting "Independent behavior" attitude & how it can hurt our marriages.

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Originally Posted by Scannerguard View Post
Now see, speaking to the travel aspect of a relationship and independence, I would like my second career to be a traveling job M-F and I would like to meet a partner who was cool with that. Essentially I would travel Monday through Friday and spend my time teaching healthcare professionals and in my off time, during the week, I hope to exercise and write. I would be well paid for this with benefits.

Fly back in on Friday and be with her/family. Vacations, holidays. . .all in there. . .being self-employed I never had any of this. I"m single now so I can choose this lifestyle unencumbered.

But, I have had women scold me saying "Well, you'll never have a relationship that way!!!"

So maybe this is too unrealistic on how people are wired (wired, to well, "cling". . .darn. . .there goes that negative word). I can't be shaking a Simplyamorous-like SO loose at the airport every week, holding my ankle as I try to board .

I am not sure I can handle these dramatic partings every week. (what an ego, lol - yes I'm teasing you SA)

A guy has gotta roam dear.
A few of us on TAM have this sort of set up. It has its advantages.

The key for Dug and me is keeping a strong emotional connection going. You have to make her feel like she is still a priority, no matter what. And she has to see the advantages to her of your having your freedom.

One of the deepest feminine pleasures is when a man stands full, present, and unreactive in the midst of his woman's emotional storms. When he stays present with her, and loves her through the layers of wildness and closure, then she feels his trustability, and she can relax. -- David Deida, The Way of the Superior Man
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post #57 of 149 (permalink) Old 08-16-2016, 09:23 AM
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Re: The Love Busting "Independent behavior" attitude & how it can hurt our marriages.

I think we were all shaped by the TV writers of the time if you are Generation X. Little House on the Prairie you have to admire. . .it could be very melodramatic (Oh pa!!!!) and yet, it worked.

Of course, Baywatch is the pinnacle of TV shows. . .the Hoff is my hero. A career beach lifeguard, who is a good father and cooks, who has a series of bad relationships - what more could a guy want? The melodramatic writing, the cinematography, the music. I aspire to BE the Hoff.

Just wait til driverless cars get here. . .I'm naming mine CITT. . .Chris Industries Two Thousand. . .I plan to be a rogue police officer with nothing more than a capable car who can talk to me.

If we all don't blaspheme the Hoff here, we can all get along. And any future relationships, she'll just have to deal with that oil painting of him above the fireplace. My new girl knows not to blaspheme the Hoff.

And maybe I seem a bit confused. . .but maybe, I got you pegged! Ha! Don't know what to do about those tossed salad and scrambled eggs. . .they're posting again. Scannerguard has left the building.
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post #58 of 149 (permalink) Old 08-16-2016, 09:23 AM
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Re: The Love Busting "Independent behavior" attitude & how it can hurt our marriages.

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Originally Posted by notmyrealname4 View Post
No, SA, I do not think you would be mistaken for a sponge. I think you have added to your husband's life in nothing but a positive sense.

And that said, if one member of a couple is a "sponge", and the other one is okay with it; who would anyone else be to judge?


I think you rose from the ashes of your childhood, and created something so much better than what you had.


I loved those shows too. I thought Jim-Bob on the Walton's was so cute.
I know SA and her husband IRL, and believe me, she is anything but a sponge! My goodness, she is the rock in that family!

Mr SA is very lucky to have you, SA. And fortunately, he knows it.

One of the deepest feminine pleasures is when a man stands full, present, and unreactive in the midst of his woman's emotional storms. When he stays present with her, and loves her through the layers of wildness and closure, then she feels his trustability, and she can relax. -- David Deida, The Way of the Superior Man
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post #59 of 149 (permalink) Old 08-16-2016, 01:22 PM Thread Starter
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Re: The Love Busting "Independent behavior" attitude & how it can hurt our marriages.

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Originally Posted by Scannerguard View Post
Now see, speaking to the travel aspect of a relationship and independence, I would like my second career to be a traveling job M-F and I would like to meet a partner who was cool with that. Essentially I would travel Monday through Friday and spend my time teaching healthcare professionals and in my off time, during the week, I hope to exercise and write. I would be well paid for this with benefits.

Fly back in on Friday and be with her/family. Vacations, holidays. . .all in there. . .being self-employed I never had any of this. I"m single now so I can choose this lifestyle unencumbered.

But, I have had women scold me saying "Well, you'll never have a relationship that way!!!"

So maybe this is too unrealistic on how people are wired (wired, to well, "cling". . .darn. . .there goes that negative word). I can't be shaking a Simplyamorous-like SO loose at the airport every week, holding my ankle as I try to board .

I am not sure I can handle these dramatic partings every week. (what an ego, lol - yes I'm teasing you SA)

A guy has gotta roam dear.
You can tease me all want.. I'm not unrealistic.. I'd estimate far more men are wired LIKE YOU over those geared like my husband.....they do want to Roam... they want freedom, time with the guys, variety.. they aim for success at sometimes any cost even...

I married a very simple man, he's an introverted Homebody and he's utterly devoted to family... I think we were both guilty of putting the kids before ourselves during a pretty long phase in our marriage even....I was so "over the moon" to be having children after 6+ yrs of trying.... all our dreams suddenly coming true, heck WE could have been more Lovey dovey even, I was putting babies in bed with us ..what the hell was I thinking !@#

There was a time where he wanted more affection from me!!.. Imagine that Scanner - clingy SA... though he was never one to complain.. I learn this after the fact...opening all that up...

It has enhanced our union since I became more clingy SEXUALLY ...as one could imagine... Without the sex drive increase... well.. I wouldn't be here yakking about all of this...
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post #60 of 149 (permalink) Old 08-16-2016, 03:13 PM Thread Starter
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Re: The Love Busting "Independent behavior" attitude & how it can hurt our marriages.

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Originally Posted by notmyrealname4 View Post
Most of my hobbies are done alone. Like 90% of them.

My husband is fine with that.

So, although I am personally very independent; I don't do things without considering the effect on our marriage, or my husband's feelings.
-----------------------------------------------------------------
The 15 hour a week thing ( the amount of time you're supposed to spend together doing "us" stuff?)

We might get 6 tops. Going to the grocery store is one. We have a lot of fun doing that; I know it sounds stupid. But even then, we'll wander around separately a bit too.

We like to watch vintage TV and classic movies together. Not much talking during the show; but we usually share our opinions about it afterwards.


But I don't think we're "independent" of one another. Even though it might sound like it from my description.
I was wondering what Harley would consider that "one on one" Undivided attention he speaks of -to qualify for these 15 hrs he speaks of...so I looked it up...

Right now.. my husband & me is side by side on our laptops.. he is sitting on the bed.. I am on the floor...3 ft from each other.. we're not focused on each other.. we may have words here & there.. but he's enjoying some personal laptop time & I am on here doing a post.. (this would not be qualifying)... I know how to shake that up though.... just flash him my boobs!...then suddenly he'd be right over....ha ha

Harley's write up on this >>

Quote:
The Policy of Unidivided Attention

Give your spouse your undivided attention a minimum of 15 hours each week, using the time to meet the emotional needs of affection, sexual fulfillment, intimate conversation, and recreational companionship.
He speaks of 3 things to qualify.. Privacy, Objectives and Amount...

Privacy = not with kids, friends.. but with each other...that alone time...he says this:

"When children are present, they interfere with affection and intimate conversation, two very vital needs in marriage. Besides, affection and intimate conversation usually lead to lovemaking, and without them, you will find that your lovemaking suffers." (yep was true for us.. we used to let them all crash on our bedroom floor over night... we had an open door policy... STUPID !@#

He spoke of what giving undivided attention means, it's like when a couple is dating...how you wouldn't have married if you'd ignored each other on dates.... Like finding that awesome place to park where you'd be completely alone.. not even the cops will come upon you...to rid yourselves of all distractions. That's the quality of undivided attention -he is speaking of...

He went on to say -watching a movie together doesn't generally count towards this time, but mentioned a couple where it would have !! He didn't go into detail ...but I'm thinking -they displayed much physical affection - hint hint, going down in the movie theater -there ya go...very qualifying , personal & pleasurable...

We lock the kids out & watch movies together... we very much enjoy the "hands on"...can't do all that with our "family night" movies.....

Under Objectives...he says...

After marriage, women often try to get their husband to meet their emotional needs for conversation and affection, without meeting their husband's needs for sex and recreational companionship. Men, on the other hand, want their wives to meet their needs for sex fulfillment and recreational companionship, without meeting their wives needs for affection and conversation.

Neither strategy works very well. Women often resent having sex without affection and conversation first, and men resent being conversant and affectionate with no hope for sex or recreation. By combining the fulfillment of all four needs into a single event, however, both spouses have their needs met, and enjoy the entire time together. (of course he is "generally speaking" there)...

As for Amount, he says:

How much time do you need to sustain the feeling of love for each other? Believe it or not, there really is an answer to this question, and it depends on the health of a marriage. If a couple is deeply in love with each other and find that their marital needs are being met, I have found that about 15 hours each week of undivided attention is usually enough to sustain their love.

When I apply the 15 hour principle to marriages, I usually recommend that the time be evenly distributed throughout the week, 2 to 3 hours each day. When time must be bunched up -- all hours only on the weekend -- good results are not as predictable. Spouses need to be emotionally reconnected almost on a daily basis to meet each other's most important emotional needs.

The reason I have so much difficulty getting couples to spend time alone together is that when I first see them for counseling, they are no longer in love... Their relationship does not do anything for them, and the time spent with each other seems like a total waste at first. But when they spend time together, they learn to re-create the romantic experiences that first nurtured their love relationship. Without that time, they have little hope of restoring the love they once had for each other.

To help them jump-start their relationship, I usually suggest 25 to 30 hours a week of undivided attention until they are both in love with each other again.

2 other articles he mentions...

Not Enough Time Together #1 and Why Women Leave Men
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