Advice for a young couple - Page 3 - Talk About Marriage
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post #31 of 36 (permalink) Old 09-01-2016, 02:39 PM
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Re: Advice for a young couple

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Originally Posted by Legend View Post
Radical honesty (no secrets past or present) and absolutely no masturbation unless the spouse gives permission each time. Priorities: God, spouse, children... in that order. Go out on a date once per week. Talk openly and be affectionate.
There are some of us here who relate to this...but maybe in a slightly different way..

It' not about a "rule" or we need permission ... BUT... in years past.. I didn't even realize this...here my husband always waited for me, I was more guilty to doing some solo (this sure sounds backwards , doesn't it!).. anyway.. today.. both of us wait.. this is so easy to do...as we both love the intimacy.. and it's just better if there is some build up.. we don't even like to wait that long..

I think many may get hung up on the "permission" part.. we've never looked at it this way...it's just mutual pleasure sharing & we much prefer waiting for each other.

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post #32 of 36 (permalink) Old 09-01-2016, 03:34 PM
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Re: Advice for a young couple

1. Always be each others best friend, but don't ever become just friends or "like brother and sister".

2. Learn how to argue without falling out. A person who always agrees with you is not necessarily a friend and sometimes the one who loves you the most will be the one telling you you're making a big mistake. Respect each other even when you differ. You can disagree all you like behind doors but in public you are united.

3. It's not about getting it your way, it's about making the best decision for the two of you at that time.

4. If it's important to your partner then it's important to you.

5. You know how you used to sneak around in high school finding any moment to jump on each others body? Keep that going, even when the orderlies in the old folks home are trying to stop you!!

6. When you have kids, don't hide the affection and intimacy between you. They need to see that and know that it's a regular part of a committed relationship so they know what to expect from their own future partner. After saying that they don't actually need to see the live performance, just the dressed rehearsals!!

7. Don't ever belittle your partner.

8. The post above with the "4 horsemen" info. Go back and read that again.

9. Your partners family is just as important in your children's lives as your own are, you need to stick up for them.

10. Sometimes you really need to do something stupid just for the sake of it.

11. Memories and experiences are more important than stuff. If the thought of a new granite counter top is more exiting than the thought of a trip somewhere together, you have a problem.

12. As you get older you will regret things you didn't do more than things you did. Opportunities you didn't take can never be changed, you can always lie in bed with your arms round each other saying "Yeah, doing that wasn't such a good idea." and often the big mistakes you make become really funny stories at a dinner party.
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post #33 of 36 (permalink) Old 09-03-2016, 05:46 AM
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Re: Advice for a young couple

keep it simple: be true to yourself and what happens, happens.

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post #34 of 36 (permalink) Old 09-04-2016, 07:12 PM
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Re: Advice for a young couple

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Divorce rates don't really matter. What matters is what spouses put into marriage.
Of course it matters. It shows that people really aren't designed to be with each other long term. Sure, some might go the distance, others won't, but if you want odds based on historical records, then you need to cite the statistics which are based on studies of real people.

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I stated the fact that most marriage don't end in divorce to help encourage ym96 and others that really the odds are in favor of marriage.
The odds are about 50/50. Those are not favorable odds. If I told you that you had a 1 in 2 chance of dying from cancer I'm sure I'd ruin your day.

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Here is where I get my info:

What is the Actual US Divorce Rate and Risk? | Public Discourse

The article discusses different measures of divorce.
Good article, good source and it can be summarized in this following lines taken directly from that article:

The cohort measure rate provides a sophisticated estimation of the general risk of divorce for those marrying today. Currently, the cohort measure is typically calculated as being in the 40-50 percent range for couples entering their first marriage.

Enough said.
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post #35 of 36 (permalink) Old 09-05-2016, 11:00 AM
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Re: Advice for a young couple

Regardless of what the statistics say, almost all marriages have a chance to go the distance if both partners put in the effort. And, the effort in this instance is fun (not backbreaking work). Just always remember that you are both human and will make mistakes.

"You are talking about the nonsensical ravings of a lunatic mind!" Victor Von Frankenstein
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post #36 of 36 (permalink) Old 09-05-2016, 12:08 PM
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Re: Advice for a young couple

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Originally Posted by Yosemite View Post
Of course it matters. It shows that people really aren't designed to be with each other long term. Sure, some might go the distance, others won't, but if you want odds based on historical records, then you need to cite the statistics which are based on studies of real people.



The odds are about 50/50. Those are not favorable odds. If I told you that you had a 1 in 2 chance of dying from cancer I'm sure I'd ruin your day.



Good article, good source and it can be summarized in this following lines taken directly from that article:

The cohort measure rate provides a sophisticated estimation of the general risk of divorce for those marrying today. Currently, the cohort measure is typically calculated as being in the 40-50 percent range for couples entering their first marriage.

Enough said.
The fact that it doesn't matter what the divorce rate is due to the nature of statistical distributions. The result of any one measurement does not depend upon the previous measurements or the distribution itself. See this:

Binomial Distribution Formula: What is it and How to use it

Quote:
Each observation or trial is independent. In other words, none of your trials have an effect on the probability of the next trial.
Statistical distributions do not imply causality.

Furthermore the cohort measure is a fiction based on thing not related to marriage. See the link in my other pist as it discusses this fiction. And the divorcee rates it uses are older ones that do not reflect the recent downward trend. So it over estimates the percentage. Actually they quoted 40-50% not 50/50.

The fact remains that most marriages last and this seems to be the the trend for the past 30 years. There is nothing here that supports your contention that people weren't meant to be married. Rather I suspect this claim is due to the rationalization of anecdotal experience transferred to the entire population which in itself is a statistical and logical fallacy.

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