MJjean-your summary of the current situtation is true. He say that he would apply for more than 1 job a week but there isn't much available that is a fit. I see "for hire" signs during our outtings but he said that those jobs doesn't fit his personality.
If I lost my job, I would have to go pickup a temporary job to make ends meet for us. This has happened during the past. I had forgotten that I had to waitress at night to help us finance a car purchase while he stayed at home. This memory makes me sad as everyone here is making it apparent that I am the dumb one here.
I have been a SAHM since our we married. When we started having financial trouble, I got a job at a fast food restaurant. Flexible hours and close to home. Minimum wage, but the job wasn't that difficult and just like what I was doing at home for free (cooking and cleaning). I worked there for about 6 months, part time after DH got off work so he could take the kids, and then I was able to quit. Years later, things got tight and I got a job cleaning offices at night for minimum wage. Again, basically the same thing I was doing at home for free, lol. You do what you gotta do.
Unless we had a child with special needs or that was very ill I HAD to be at home 24/7, I couldn't imagine letting my husband work TWO jobs to pay for a car.
I know you've been with him all of your adult life and the idea of him cheating would be devastating, but many of the signs are there and I think you should investigate the possibility.
Don't rule out cheating with men. I know it is a shocking idea, but the human brain isn't even fully developed until about age 25. If you are the same age or close, perhaps he didn't know or accept his true sexuality until AFTER it was too late and he'd made a life with you. It happens. Could be he lights up around female friends because he's sexually attracted to them or it could be he lights up because he's found his tribe.
Honestly, you never found not wearing his ring, spending a lot of time at the gym, and being near sexless with you suspicious?
Maybe you've been accepting the situation because he is all you've known and you don't understand how a fully functioning romantic life partnership is so much more than what you're getting.