Unemployed and unambitious husband - Page 7 - Talk About Marriage
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post #91 of 95 (permalink) Old 10-10-2016, 01:34 PM
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Re: Unemployed and unambitious husband

I can only speak for myself. I'd say that its only a couple percent of the time that I would turn down sex, even if I had an active sex life.

If I'm sick (like the flu or something), or worried about getting my wife sick.

If i'm extremely tired. (like when I was working 20 hour shifts as a grad student).

If I've had sex earlier that day, I might not be up fro a second time, but would always be happy to take care of my wife.

I don't know quite what "bloated" is in this context but I have mild chronic digestive issues, but never enough to be a problem for sex.


In 30 years, I think I have turned my wife down for sex less than 10s time total for any reason. Of course she rarely asks, so that isn't really a fair comparison.



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Originally Posted by FustratedinCA View Post
Wait..what???? being bloated is not a good excuse for not having sex? To the men in the room, is this true???


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post #92 of 95 (permalink) Old 10-10-2016, 01:42 PM
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Re: Unemployed and unambitious husband

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Somewhere there is a standard evidence thread, but I am not on my laptop and my tablet sucks, so I'm not going to try to link it. I'm sure some kind soul will.
Standard Evidence Post
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post #93 of 95 (permalink) Old 10-10-2016, 01:49 PM
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Re: Unemployed and unambitious husband

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Originally Posted by FustratedinCA View Post
Wait..what???? being bloated is not a good excuse for not having sex? To the men in the room, is this true???
Not a man, but DH has been a bit bloated when I wanted sex and he'd just compensate by using a position that didn't put pressure on his stomach.
Besides, it's one thing to say he's bloated and maybe in pain from gas bubbles once in a while after eating chili or going loco on tacos and burritos, but the way you've presented it he uses the excuse regularly.

Follow the evidence where it leads and question everything.
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post #94 of 95 (permalink) Old 10-10-2016, 01:56 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Unemployed and unambitious husband

@uhtred All your suggests seems to further support that maybe he's just not interested in having sex with me. Thanks.
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post #95 of 95 (permalink) Old 10-10-2016, 04:03 PM
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Re: Unemployed and unambitious husband

FrustratedCA..... Karl Marx noted in Communist Manifesto a man is tied to his work. A man without work has no connection with his self. I was unemployed too for a year. I can tell you firsthand it will send a man into a severe state of depression. I always worked... always. When I signed up for unemployment, I almost broke down and cried. There may be depression somewhere in his psyche, genders are wired differently for a reason. He has a BS degree.... what is it in? There are a number of jobs which now require a 4 year degree. Of course the pay sucks because more and more are getting 4 year degrees. Wages go down, student loans rise..... sad... (I taught FT at a university, saw this WAY too often.)

In your situation... financially you are doing okay, but it could be better. Give him three months... to find a job, ANY job, full time. He may not get benefits, many jobs today are through temps to hire. If you are in a large populated area, have him apply for at least five jobs per day. chart it down and if you need to, make sure they are jobs he is qualified for. A BS degree should not be applying for positions which require a masters or higher. Yes this sounds childish but you will get your answer. I am termed "disabled" due to limitations with my right arm and I live in a factory town. Could I work factory jobs, yes but my disability would prevent me from making production.

Present this to him.... with two incomes, we could vacation much more, pay the home off faster, drive nicer cars, invest for something in our retirement years. When I lectured at the univ. at under and grad level, it helped with my student loan and paid me as well, not much but it helped. I have a 1980s-like mortgage payment, rental properties, and land. I could afford to do it. While I was with my post-D gf... I had more extra time than she did. I cooked 67%, did the clothes 80% (delicates.... I left those to her LOL), all yard work, all car upkeep, most of food shopping, and for the first year a very active sex life. I even sold vintage baseball cards as a hobby and that alone would average out to a nice paycheck in my town.

100k in CA west of I-5 is nothing. 100k in my part of the country, you are living "very high on the hog," or as pop would say, "schitting in tall cotton." Even if I won the Powerball, I would have to do something. Maybe open up a card shop or a job I loved as long as it had health insurance..... pay could be minimum wage... wouldn't matter. A man who does nothing with his life.... is a wasted life.

Where I live, the South, you still see a lot of SAHMs. Rough job, I don't think I could do it. But you also see SAHMs while they have yet to have children. Blows my mind......... why not work, save $, then when the kids come, you have $ to fall back on?

A-Every single thing that has ever happened in your life is preparing you for a moment that is yet to come.
B-We know what we are, but know not what we may be
C-Never make the person in your present pay for the sins committed by people from your past
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