Sign of a successful long term marriage. - Talk About Marriage
Long Term Success in Marriage If you've been married 10+ years and consider your marriage a success, post your success story here. Help others by talking about what works for you.

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  • 5 Post By Vinnydee
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post #1 of 12 (permalink) Old 10-22-2016, 12:35 PM Thread Starter
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Sign of a successful long term marriage.

This week will be my 44th wedding anniversary. Although my marriage has not been traditional as far as monogamy and heterosexuality goes, it has been a great marriage. My wife and I met on a train. Three weeks later we were engaged and then married 9 months after that. We have relocated 13 times and lived in 9 different homes. I have travelled to 21 countries during my Army and business career. So I was away from home for as much as 3 months a year during certain periods of time. I also worked 10-12 hour days, at night and on weekends as I did last night and this morning.

My wife put up with all of that without a complaint. My wife is also bisexual and we shared her girlfriend for most of our marriage. In fact, her girlfriend had her own room in our home where she lived full time until she got married to a man who was OK with sharing her with us. After that she spent anywhere from a weekend to two weeks a month with us, even joining us on vacation with her husband going his own way until it was time to go home. We were never told the nature of their relationship and we respected our girlfriends request not to ask questions. Although this must sound complex, it was not or us. It was just our "normal".

Our girlfriend has not been with us for the last 6 years and we are living our remaining years as a couple for the first time. We are even monogamous except we would not mind another women to love in our lives. However too many wrinkles in bed is no a pretty sight and we both have medical issues. I should also mention that we had no kids. We have seen the changes in couples once they have kids and the arguments over them.

We exchanged anniversary cards today and to our great surprise they were the same exact cards. We both picked them because the sentiments written fit how we felt about each other perfectly. This never happened before.


Many prefer to drown in a pool of their own morality rather than seek the safety of a different morality when the choice is monogamy or your marriage.

Last edited by Vinnydee; 10-22-2016 at 12:40 PM.
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post #2 of 12 (permalink) Old 10-22-2016, 01:46 PM
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Re: Sign of a successful long term marriage.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Vinnydee View Post
This week will be my 44th wedding anniversary. Although my marriage has not been traditional as far as monogamy and heterosexuality goes, it has been a great marriage. My wife and I met on a train. Three weeks later we were engaged and then married 9 months after that. We have relocated 13 times and lived in 9 different homes. I have travelled to 21 countries during my Army and business career. So I was away from home for as much as 3 months a year during certain periods of time. I also worked 10-12 hour days, at night and on weekends as I did last night and this morning.

My wife put up with all of that without a complaint. My wife is also bisexual and we shared her girlfriend for most of our marriage. In fact, her girlfriend had her own room in our home where she lived full time until she got married to a man who was OK with sharing her with us. After that she spent anywhere from a weekend to two weeks a month with us, even joining us on vacation with her husband going his own way until it was time to go home. We were never told the nature of their relationship and we respected our girlfriends request not to ask questions. Although this must sound complex, it was not or us. It was just our "normal".

Our girlfriend has not been with us for the last 6 years and we are living our remaining years as a couple for the first time. We are even monogamous except we would not mind another women to love in our lives. However too many wrinkles in bed is no a pretty sight and we both have medical issues. I should also mention that we had no kids. We have seen the changes in couples once they have kids and the arguments over them.

We exchanged anniversary cards today and to our great surprise they were the same exact cards. We both picked them because the sentiments written fit how we felt about each other perfectly. This never happened before.
Great for you, your wife is lucky she found someone who would be willing to share. However it sounds like a gross nightmare to me. To each his own.
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post #3 of 12 (permalink) Old 10-22-2016, 02:47 PM
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Re: Sign of a successful long term marriage.

Happy Anniversary! Getting the same cards is a good sign, may you always be on the same page.

I don't want to not live because of my fear of what could happen. - Laird Hamilton
Listen to your spouse!
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post #4 of 12 (permalink) Old 10-23-2016, 06:56 PM
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Re: Sign of a successful long term marriage.

Life ebbs and flows. It's good that it's working out for you! Happy Anniversary!
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post #5 of 12 (permalink) Old 10-25-2016, 02:44 PM
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Re: Sign of a successful long term marriage.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Vinnydee View Post
We exchanged anniversary cards today and to our great surprise they were the same exact cards. We both picked them because the sentiments written fit how we felt about each other perfectly. This never happened before.

FIRST, CONGRATULATIONS!

Second, wrinkles aren't so bad as long as all involved have them......
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post #6 of 12 (permalink) Old 10-25-2016, 08:30 PM
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Re: Sign of a successful long term marriage.

congrats, while I would love the idea of a live in girlfriend for my wife and I, I just don't think the reality of it is for us. We much prefer variety, thus why we go to clubs and parties to fulfill our nonmonogamous needs.

The key to your long term marriage success is you both are on the same page. You must be open and honest with each other, and thankfully fully understanding of the needs of the other. Which is exactly how my wife and I are. We've had a rough spot when we were monogamous, but none since getting back into the lifestyle.
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post #7 of 12 (permalink) Old 10-27-2016, 10:04 PM
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Re: Sign of a successful long term marriage.

High five my man. A wife that brings home women to share with you? You won the lottery. I've read stories on here where wives wanted a situation like this accept they wanted other dudes. You got the good side. Congrats.
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post #8 of 12 (permalink) Old 10-28-2016, 12:32 AM
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Re: Sign of a successful long term marriage.

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Originally Posted by TexasRocks View Post
High five my man. A wife that brings home women to share with you? You won the lottery. I've read stories on here where wives wanted a situation like this accept they wanted other dudes. You got the good side. Congrats.
So its ok for the guy to have women in the marriage but not the other way around. Why classify as good side and bad side, selfish much!
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post #9 of 12 (permalink) Old 11-02-2016, 05:19 PM
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Re: Sign of a successful long term marriage.

I think this is the greatest quote on love that I've ever come across... This thread is our thoughts on "long term successful marriages"... what defines this:

A feeling of contentment with whom we are with, like we are right where we're meant to be, even after 20+ yrs together... If we still care for the other's happiness - when this brings us happiness too, still reaching for each others hand, still laughing at each others jokes ...... but also this feeling.. like the ending here....that our roots have somehow grown together...

...

When our roots have grown together like this.. it's inconceivable that we'd ever part...a part of us would go with this other person.... it's like what we've shared is so ingrained into our very existence, the memories could never be washed away.....it's like that old Rod Stewart song
Quote:
You're in my heart, you're in my soul
You'll be my breath should I grow old
You are my lover, you're my best friend
You're in my soul...
Me & mine had a spat this morning.. oh it happens.. but still we can't stay mad at each other.. it literally hurts us to do this.. we have to get back to the good...minutes later we are kissing each other, cuddling up...

We come from a purely monogamous perspective... we're a couple who's only been with each other...if my husband wanted to sleep with another woman, to share our bed...I'd be utterly devastated, like someone punched me in the face & knocked me to the ground....our roots would wither & die....wasn't I enough to satisfy him?... what happened to our romance?...can't we rekindle the passion we once had, felt, lived ? Shouldn't we try... and give it our all?

There was a time where he couldn't keep up with my insatiable sex drive, I was antsy.. my fantasies were intense, I was undressing other men even ! .... and ya know what... I wrote him a letter...pouring out my ... what I deeply longed for....oh it was off the charts erotic (funny looking back) but also...I brought up all our years, what we've shared, how he's been the sunshine in my life, how we got through infertility together, he stood beside me holding my hand through every test... how much it all meant to me, and how he's all I wanted...NOW...FOREVER....that I wanted to experience it ALL with him... that we'll get through this together too...like we have everything else...

My enthusiasm here, with our love for each other, it brought us to new heights, many new memories we can look back upon that will last a lifetime... these things only added to our foundation.. those roots tightly wrapped around each other, growing deeper...

Our marriage, what it represents, it means so very much to us... I can't say we have achieved all that much in other areas...success wise we are completely "average", common place.... we don't care...our 1 wish is - we just hope to make it to our rocking chairs together & I'll still be telling him I want his body..
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post #10 of 12 (permalink) Old 11-15-2016, 10:59 AM
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Re: Sign of a successful long term marriage.

Congratulations on your marriage success! I hope you have many more ahead of you.

My wife and I are only on year 21, so we are way behind you.


"You are talking about the nonsensical ravings of a lunatic mind!" Victor Von Frankenstein
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post #11 of 12 (permalink) Old 11-15-2016, 12:12 PM
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Re: Sign of a successful long term marriage.

Congrats!
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post #12 of 12 (permalink) Old 01-28-2017, 03:34 AM
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Re: Sign of a successful long term marriage.

I hope to get there myself... decades of love and trust.

Supporting those who want to divorce or reconcile. Not every relationship is the same.
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