Maintaining Boundaries - Page 4 - Talk About Marriage
Long Term Success in Marriage If you've been married 10+ years and consider your marriage a success, post your success story here. Help others by talking about what works for you.

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post #46 of 91 (permalink) Old 11-16-2016, 05:16 PM
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Re: Maintaining Boundaries

I was married 43 years when my husband died. First and only marriage for us both.


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post #47 of 91 (permalink) Old 11-16-2016, 05:21 PM
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Re: Maintaining Boundaries

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Originally Posted by MAJDEATH View Post
I have read the responses and I have to ask: how many of the posters on this thread have enjoyed a longterm marriage with their covenant spouse (i.e. not ever divorced)?
I have noticed in casual conversation that divorced people tend to recommend D very quickly when trouble arises in a marriage. Perhaps so they don't feel so bad about their decision?
As someone who recommends you end your relationship with your wife, I can relate that I have been married twice and divorced once.

My first short lived and rather tempestuous circa 2½ year marriage, ended in divorce as a consequence of my ex-wife's infidelity (I have never felt bad about ending that marriage).

Whereas my second happy marriage, has so far lasted over 17½ years, through a 20+ year sexual relationship (with 19½ years of living together).
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post #48 of 91 (permalink) Old 11-16-2016, 05:24 PM
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Re: Maintaining Boundaries

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Originally Posted by MAJDEATH View Post
I have read the responses and I have to ask: how many of the posters on this thread have enjoyed a longterm marriage with their covenant spouse (i.e. not ever divorced)?
I have noticed in casual conversation that divorced people tend to recommend D very quickly when trouble arises in a marriage. Perhaps so they don't feel so bad about their decision?
You have your nerve! You started a thread saying you should have listened to the folks here and then detailed your wife's latest transgressions. Now, that your codependency has kicked in and you're clinging to her ankles, you imply that your respondents' advice may be questionable because they may be divorced? You are actually questioning their motives? You and your wife deserve each other!
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post #49 of 91 (permalink) Old 11-16-2016, 05:32 PM
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Re: Maintaining Boundaries

^^^

Indeed.
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post #50 of 91 (permalink) Old 11-16-2016, 05:51 PM
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Re: Maintaining Boundaries

Go ahead and keep living a life where you have to sit and watch surveillance cameras and spy on your wife's every move, worry every time she leaves the house if she is cheating.

But don't bash those of us who are more honest with you then you or your spouse is to each other.



You do matter!
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post #51 of 91 (permalink) Old 11-16-2016, 06:36 PM
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Re: Maintaining Boundaries

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You have your nerve! You started a thread saying you should have listened to the folks here and then detailed your wife's latest transgressions. Now, that your codependency has kicked in and you're clinging to her ankles, you imply that your respondents' advice may be questionable because they may be divorced? You are actually questioning their motives? You and your wife deserve each other!
I can't like this post enough.

The Major might want to invest in a drone. I'm just sayin'.
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post #52 of 91 (permalink) Old 11-17-2016, 02:41 AM
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Re: Maintaining Boundaries

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I realize that this situation/dynamic is unique to us. She was not aware that it was a problem for me, and I was wrong in not communicating my concerns clearly to her sooner.
That's why she did it when you were at work.

And never told you.

She said this with a straight face? And you believe her?

“The time's gone by for sentiment and all that foolery. Mercy's all very well but after all it's justice that clinches the bargain.”


“The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.”
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post #53 of 91 (permalink) Old 11-17-2016, 03:32 AM
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Re: Maintaining Boundaries

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Originally Posted by Blondilocks View Post
You have your nerve! You started a thread saying you should have listened to the folks here and then detailed your wife's latest transgressions. Now, that your codependency has kicked in and you're clinging to her ankles, you imply that your respondents' advice may be questionable because they may be divorced? You are actually questioning their motives? You and your wife deserve each other!
It's could be his wife posting with his account.
I've noticed a veritable shift in tone of his posts.

Either that or perhps she is over his shoulder, dictating.

Regardles, we are all going to be considered sh17lords now for our helpful advice.

Maj, I sincerely wish you all the best.

"If you deliberately plan on being less than you are capable of being, then I warn you that you'll be unhappy for the rest of your life."

~ Abraham Maslow
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post #54 of 91 (permalink) Old 11-17-2016, 05:09 AM
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Re: Maintaining Boundaries

Guys, I don't blame Maj nor his wife for going dark. We have all said our piece on his other threads, the same stuff is here, nothing new.
Would it be so difficult to restrain yourselves for a few days and wait to see what Maj's wife might write, she aint gonna write now, that is for sure. So in short there is no point to this whole thread.
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post #55 of 91 (permalink) Old 11-17-2016, 06:43 AM
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Re: Maintaining Boundaries

Aine, I think the thread is still helpful.

It's true - only they can go on this journey together and decide what's best.

I personally get a bit disappointed when the combined efforts of posters here amounts to literally thousands of dollars worth of free advice/therapy/experience... and not applied/absorbed? .... Need a better word that doesn't sound too assuming.

I hope his wife does write here, but if not, there are other forums out there.

But to your point, yes. They don't owe us anything.


"If you deliberately plan on being less than you are capable of being, then I warn you that you'll be unhappy for the rest of your life."

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post #56 of 91 (permalink) Old 11-17-2016, 07:05 AM
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Re: Maintaining Boundaries

If his wife is here, it's not to participate in open discussion. It's to monitor what he says about her and more importantly, to be able to counter any input from the chuckle patch that could possibly lead him to changing the status quo.

Just look at how twisted this poor fellow's mind is. By his own words, he has become convinced that his wife's intentions were benign and she simply was unaware that such behavior was unacceptable. She can't have him wising up, now can she?

For his part, he sounds like someone with very low self esteem. I doubt that he in any way enjoys this as has been suggested by others. Most likely he simply thinks he doesn't deserve any better. Posting on this board is of little value to him. He should be in intensive counseling to overcome these feelings. The escape from his situation is inside him. He needs help finding it and this ain't the place.

I hope he finds his way.
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post #57 of 91 (permalink) Old 11-17-2016, 07:51 AM Thread Starter
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And here I thought there would be such a difference between posting in the "long term success in marriage" section and the "coping with infidelity" section. It seems the tone is the same.
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post #58 of 91 (permalink) Old 11-17-2016, 08:01 AM
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Re: Maintaining Boundaries

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Originally Posted by MAJDEATH View Post
And here I thought there would be such a difference between posting in the "long term success in marriage" section and the "coping with infidelity" section. It seems the tone is the same.
LOL.

Not bad as far as cop outs go.

I suppose we could ask the admins to spin up a "Successfully Coping With Long Term Infidelity in Marriage" forum, though.



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post #59 of 91 (permalink) Old 11-17-2016, 08:03 AM
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Re: Maintaining Boundaries

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And here I thought there would be such a difference between posting in the "long term success in marriage" section and the "coping with infidelity" section. It seems the tone is the same.
So you were just "audience shopping" hoping to be told you're doing great? Maybe you should state upfront that you only want to hear from people who agree with you instead of writing, "Either way, I welcome all responses..."

That way people like me won't mistake you for someone who actually wants help.

Good luck.
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post #60 of 91 (permalink) Old 11-17-2016, 10:05 AM
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Re: Maintaining Boundaries

You've posted on many of the forums on TAM in the time you've been here and have gotten the same advice each time. It just isn't what you want to hear. Have you tried some of the other forums that are out there? I can't think of the names right now but they are occasionally recommended to posters who don't find what they are looking for on TAM.
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