Meaning of Marriage - Page 4 - Talk About Marriage
Long Term Success in Marriage If you've been married 10+ years and consider your marriage a success, post your success story here. Help others by talking about what works for you.

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post #46 of 58 (permalink) Old 11-30-2016, 09:04 PM
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Re: Meaning of Marriage

I'm so happy to be getting married next year, and even though I love my fiance, and he loves me...I wonder if that will ever change. I'm sure it will deepen as time goes on, but in reading some threads on here about the difficulties that sometimes even the best marriages go through, I hope I can be a good wife to him. I want things to be as they are now: we love being together, the chemistry and sex is amazing, and we seem to be in sync with our views on life, and having children, etc. But, life will change as we know it and while I'm excited about it all, I just hope that we take our vows seriously.

I happen to think that many people care more about the meaning of a wedding, than marriage.


Sometimes, you fall in love with the most unexpected person, at the most unexpected time. ~ Unknown
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post #47 of 58 (permalink) Old 11-30-2016, 09:46 PM
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Re: Meaning of Marriage

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What in the heck are you talking about? Where did I ever say any such thing. I swear some people just like to make things up. I guess projecting is easier than thinking critically.
Some people don't read to try and understand, they read just to respond. The lack of emotional discipline clouds objective thinking.
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post #48 of 58 (permalink) Old 12-01-2016, 06:37 AM
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Re: Meaning of Marriage

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Some people don't read to try and understand, they read just to respond. The lack of emotional discipline clouds objective thinking.
Critical thinking tends to get bypassed once religion gets involved.

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post #49 of 58 (permalink) Old 12-01-2016, 08:58 AM
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Re: Meaning of Marriage

To me the most unrealistic parts of romance are that incompatible characters who start out disliking each other end up in love:

He is a Wall street securities trader, she is a kick-boxing champion who just got out of prison for aggravated assault. Yet somehow it all works out. (yes I know it *could* in real life but its not the way to bet).

As far as someone believing in "romances", its one of the models I have for my wife's behavior. She likes young adult stories that generally have a strong romance component (which is fine). But her real life interest in romance seems to match that: she wants flowers, love notes, travel together etc. (all of which is great). She is flirty - but only to the limit of what you might find in a young-adult novel. She used to complain that I wasn't romantic - though she could never describe how. Maybe she was wishing I was a vampire or shadow-hunter....

Again, I think romances are great. Its just that they need to be viewed as a fantasy like spy novels or porn.



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Sure there is the Unrealistic in Romance.... the characters are always model , one is always available, like they fell out of the sky, no baggage, a crazy ex that screwed them up a bit.....then the man is always loaded, he may own a castle or something... Personally...I'd like to see a few "Blue collar" romances now & then... ..Though once it gets under way.. the mounting feelings, whatever challenge they face ..leading up to falling in love, the emotional climax...I love it !

There's only a couple hrs.. I think leaving out the dishes or cleaning toilets is Ok in these movies.. ha ha..

Isn't it what we all long for, ultimately....even if they present MEN, some rugged as steel, being too mushy...(my husband is an expressive sentimental type -he's weird like that) so to me, it's not all that unrealistic..

It's really about the feelings these movies evoke in us...they are mountain top feel good... this is the problem... some can not watch romances, it hurts too much.. they may want to shoot the screen.. I can understand that..

I guess I look at it this way.. we sure have enough killings, true murder brought to life, glamorizing fictional Mistresses / Cheating -on reality Tv too!.... Lifetime movies- they have grown progressively SICKER over the years...to where I am covering my eyes silently screaming to not see the blade plunging into a body/ blood & gore is everywhere...... So yeah.. I'll take the unrealistic romances over some of that..

Always enjoyed the classics.. like Wuthering Heights (so tragic!), Pride & Prejuduce...Watched Sid & Nancy yrs ago.....now that was a dysfunctional drug addicted mess, but it goes to show no matter how f***ed up one is.. there is probably someone out there to share your obsession with you.. until death...it was still a love story.

I never did see The Vow (a true story).. pretty sure I will cry all the way through that one..

We've never had fights, even a spat over picking up or who does what in the house.. that's my role... dirty socks.. toilet rings.. it's all good....

Yes we all get moody, have bad days, stress at work, kids driving us mad... many times just seeing him walk through the door...it's calming... we share our day.. we make each other feel better.. truth is... I've caused more fights (stupid fights) over wanting more sex..worrying he's loosing his sex drive....I had this crazy hormonal surge in mid life... was loving it but also.. it was tormenting at times.. I could hardly concentrate.. I felt like a young man in puberty... how many men could keep up with 3 times a day -my husband couldn't... . .. Even at that, these were some of the best times too...He could think of far worse things for me to be grouchy about.. that I couldn't get enough of his body! ...He'd joke about it..... finally I got it through my thick skull that his desire is fine, he's Ok.. it was me out of whack...

Then turn that upside down & go back 19 yrs.. he was the higher drive.. and I was oblivious.. he was passive.. and well.. we missed each other more than we should have.. We all have some regrets, right... so long as it's not with who we are with...




Have any of you met someone who's living in a bonafide "fantasy world" due to -too many romantic movies, books? ... how does such a woman act ?? It's a serious question..

We caught a movie on this once... I forget the name.. but this young woman literally entertained all this BLISS inside her head against the obvious of how the man (who was married ) was treating her...oh it was tender at 1st ...but basically HE WAS USING HER for sex.. she was pathetically deluded..it was sad... wouldn't believe him when he wanted rid of her even...she was still entertaining them getting married, living happily ever after... it was a fictional movie.. but as deluded as she was.. I never met anyone that nuts -or they would have mental issues..
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post #50 of 58 (permalink) Old 12-01-2016, 09:29 AM
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Re: Meaning of Marriage

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Critical thinking tends to get bypassed once religion gets involved.
Yes. Religion too comes from the same source as fantasy. They are from men who committed stories to paper, then to books (27 of them in the New Testament)
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post #51 of 58 (permalink) Old 12-01-2016, 11:57 AM
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Re: Meaning of Marriage

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Yes. Religion too comes from the same source as fantasy. They are from men who committed stories to paper, then to books (27 of them in the New Testament)
I have never understood why people choose to attempt to live a fantasy when real life is so much more interesting.

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post #52 of 58 (permalink) Old 12-01-2016, 12:08 PM
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Re: Meaning of Marriage

What a philosophical bunch we have here! The definition of marriage is always cultural. To say that marriage was always this or that is just simply wrong. You just can't say that marriage up until 100 years ago was never about love, but about other things. That is just so far off base. Plus, you do realize there are literally thousands of cultures around the world, most of which have marriage. Many of them are traditional in their own way but do not match our own traditions.

Globalization and the ability to interact in so many ways with so many people has led to the evolution of marriage as an institution. Though, there are many who still view it as a lifetime commitment to one person. I personally see it that way. Will my children? Probably, since their parents are still married and never divorced. But there is no guarantee.

"You are talking about the nonsensical ravings of a lunatic mind!" Victor Von Frankenstein
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post #53 of 58 (permalink) Old 12-01-2016, 12:09 PM
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Re: Meaning of Marriage

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I have never understood why people choose to attempt to live a fantasy when real life is so much more interesting.
Books and movies about vampires and zombies are similarly popular. Real life can be much more interesting, but for many people it is clearly not.

Love is an ideal thing; marriage is a real thing; a confusion of the real with the ideal never goes unpunished. - Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

CELIBACY IS NOT HEREDITARY.
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post #54 of 58 (permalink) Old 12-01-2016, 08:43 PM
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Re: Meaning of Marriage

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What a philosophical bunch we have here! The definition of marriage is always cultural. To say that marriage was always this or that is just simply wrong. You just can't say that marriage up until 100 years ago was never about love, but about other things. That is just so far off base. Plus, you do realize there are literally thousands of cultures around the world, most of which have marriage. Many of them are traditional in their own way but do not match our own traditions.

Globalization and the ability to interact in so many ways with so many people has led to the evolution of marriage as an institution. Though, there are many who still view it as a lifetime commitment to one person. I personally see it that way. Will my children? Probably, since their parents are still married and never divorced. But there is no guarantee.
Here is the way Eskimos and Aluets consider marriage:

http://www.uaf.edu/files/apua/Rubel1961.pdf

Interesting read, I doubt many in the US would consider that "traditional" though.

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post #55 of 58 (permalink) Old 12-01-2016, 09:53 PM
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Re: Meaning of Marriage

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Here is the way Eskimos and Aluets consider marriage:

http://www.uaf.edu/files/apua/Rubel1961.pdf

Interesting read, I doubt many in the US would consider that "traditional" though.
It isn't bad, it's just different. But I'm sure we'll see someone here start attacking eskimos because of thier "lifestyle".

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post #56 of 58 (permalink) Old 12-01-2016, 09:57 PM
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Re: Meaning of Marriage

Marriage should be about love, IMO - it's not just a business arrangement, sex is involved. I wouldn't want to be in a loveless marriage that was just based on an ''arrangement'' or out of convenience. Marriage actually started as a pagan ritual, mainly to give children stability. Maybe people ''grew'' to love one another centuries ago, and the initial arrangement didn't need to have love.

Sometimes, you fall in love with the most unexpected person, at the most unexpected time. ~ Unknown
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post #57 of 58 (permalink) Old 12-01-2016, 10:07 PM
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Re: Meaning of Marriage

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It isn't bad, it's just different. But I'm sure we'll see someone here start attacking eskimos because of thier "lifestyle".
I know, I was just responding to this:
"The definition of marriage is always cultural. To say that marriage was always this or that is just simply wrong. You just can't say that marriage up until 100 years ago was never about love, but about other things. That is just so far off base. Plus, you do realize there are literally thousands of cultures around the world, most of which have marriage. Many of them are traditional in their own way but do not match our own traditions. "

Something that is very different about it vs our culture is that no where is there any indication of what the wife wants. Is it because that is what the wife wants or is it because the wife has no say in the matter?

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post #58 of 58 (permalink) Old 12-03-2016, 06:49 AM
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Re: Meaning of Marriage

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I don't get your point really. Why does it matter if you call it traditional or not. The bottom line is as you state the modern version of a marriage, one based on love, equality, shared responsibilities, monogamy, and life-long commitment, this is what most people expect out of marriage in our world today. There can be no doubt that this is the commitment most people expect from themselves and their spouses when they say I do. Whether or not it is a new concept does really matter or absolve anyone from their responsibilities. This is the societal norm for the last 100 years or so.

If this is too much to expect then don't enter into a marriage. It's really that simple, no one is forcing anyone to get married, or be monogamous. If you enter into a marriage keep your commitments. That is basically the bottom line.

Sorry but post like this just sounds like a pseudo intellectual way to justify cheating to me. Maybe this isn't you but I always find arguments like this to come from people who don't really like the fact that 75% of the population still want to have a monogamous relationship and marriage. Despite whether they keep there commitments or not, for most this is the ideal that they strive for. Even cheaters want their spouses to be monogamous they just want to be able to cheat and be vampires. Anyway I think arguments like this (modern marriage is too damn hard) are really because it sucks for people who want open marriages that they only have about 25% of the gene pool to choose from. I get it you want more hot people on your team.

I give you credit, at least you are not pretending to be monogamous. I actually see the concept of open marriage as a very good thing for society, I really hope this will bring some of the people who would normally cheat out of the shadows I hope they accept what they are and marry each other. However I don't think there will be more then 25% of the world interested in it. The rest will still want a modern marriage as you described it and about half of them will be vampires.

Maybe we will all have chips in are brains one day that will tell us whether or not we can be trusted. Or maybe VR porn and sex bots will be so real a good portion of people won't even marry.

Oh one more thing, if you took the vows it's WRONG to cheat.
I agree with you. I liked both of their points, however your RIGHT! I just got married this year and to be honest it hasn't been easy. Men and Women are completely different. Marriage is harder than raising a son alone.
It takes effort, patience, understanding, reasoning and Love to make it work.

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