Is "Once a cheater, always a Cheater" an accurate quote? - Page 2 - Talk About Marriage
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post #16 of 51 (permalink) Old 12-06-2016, 07:56 PM Thread Starter
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Quote:
Originally Posted by NoChoice View Post
OP,
To be a "serial" cheater it really becomes a matter of cognizance. There is a poster here named losinghim. She had an encounter with a friend of her H that lasted less than 60 seconds. Why? Why only 60 seconds and why only the one time? What prevented her from continuing, from having a months long fling? She did. Her mind began extrapolating from compiled data and the projected outcome was not acceptable to her, in fact it repulsed her. Not only for what she was doing to her H but also what type of person it made her in her own mind.

Her H did not do the 180, in fact he did not even know about it for over 2 years. He finally found out when she told him. Why did she tell him? She had gotten away with it for 2 years, why tell now, what made her? She did. Once again her mind extrapolated from compiled data and projected an outcome that was not bearable to her. What do you suppose would have been the outcome for her if, instead of processing the information as she did, she simply reveled in her own pleasure and ego, giving no thought to the future, her H, her family, nothing but herself? Most likely she would have continued on that night and perhaps on into the future, with that OM or another.

Her mind was able to draw a very negative conclusion to her actions affecting not only herself but her H as well thereby displaying empathy, an emotion absent in underdeveloped intellects.

Now try to imagine that the person is not just ignoring the processed thoughts regarding all the negative outcomes but rather is not capable of having them at all. Her mind simply does not process data in a way that allows her to recognize the harmful effects of her behavior. Now try to further imagine her mind trying to commit to a lifelong partnership.

When some people, certainly not all and perhaps not even most, contemplate marriage their mind extrapolates data from all known sources and projects a probable scenario. They consider monogamy and all that it entails, sharing resources and the accumulation of same, procreating and raising offspring and many other factors that comprise a lifelong union of two people. However, when a person of limited intellect tries to contemplate marriage the data is processed erroneously. Much of the data is simply not included and that which is is not projected accurately but rather in a unrealistic, fantasy like future. Then, when real life happens, they are soon very disillusioned with "marriage" and, since they haven't the intellect to carefully decide how to proceed, they act in the only way available to them, impetuously. And, in the absence of empathy, their actions are self serving and unilateral in nature.

They are simply unprepared for the commitment that is marriage and wholly unable to abide within its "rules" and therefore they "cheat".
So your theory is, they lack the intellect to be faithful?

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post #17 of 51 (permalink) Old 12-06-2016, 08:02 PM
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Re: Is "Once a cheater, always a Cheater" an accurate quote?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Evinrude58 View Post
There are so many women out there that are dying for a loyal man....
Why do you insist on fantasizing about the possibility that your wife will stop cheating?

Divorce her. That's what she wants. She can chase penises with no flack from you, and not feel so guilty about it.

You, however, can chase women as well and find one that is starving for only you. Why are you depriving yourself of that opportunity?

It takes very little time and effort to see an attorney and start the process.

What you are doing to yourself is excruciating.

You need to start visualizing yourself happy, with a woman who loves you at your side, with no worries about infidelity lurking just out of sight. And then make it happen.

Thus wife of yours does not live you. She loves herself.
You are mistakenly under the delusion that he doesn't like this. He obviously gets something from it. They are in a twisted codependent relationship and they both want it.
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post #18 of 51 (permalink) Old 12-06-2016, 08:17 PM
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Cool Re: Is "Once a cheater, always a Cheater" an accurate quote?

Quote:
Originally Posted by *Deidre* View Post
If the cheater is a sociopath/narcissist, then yes.
Premise:

(1) My RSXW is an avowed narcissist.

(2) It was an accepted fact by some of her "friends" that she cheated on her first H.

(3) She then married and later cheated on me.

Conclusion:

RSXW knows, all too well, the unremorseful ropes of deceptive marital cheating, and if need be, could resort right back to it, all on a moments notice!

"To love another person is to see the face of God!" - Jean Valjean from Les Miserables

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post #19 of 51 (permalink) Old 12-06-2016, 08:30 PM
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Re: Is "Once a cheater, always a Cheater" an accurate quote?

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Originally Posted by MAJDEATH View Post
So your theory is, they lack the intellect to be faithful?
In essence, yes.

Commitment, dedication, empathy, honor, morality, contentment. These things are not found in children nor in those with the minds of children. It takes a certain amount of cognizance to understand concepts such as these and to see them as more than just vague, undefined notions. Lacking the necessary maturity your wife, and mine, simply do not fully grasp them, they cannot.

Have you ever known a child that was fully content? Children soon tire of the toy they have and want another one. They move through childhood always wanting the next great thing and soon after they get it they're on to the next thing. Some people grow out of this state and mature into adults but many more do not. They always want more, bigger, better, faster, newer in their effort to find contentment, never understanding that contentment comes with maturity and the ability to accept and appreciate what you have as enough.

And, although some people do experience measurable growth throughout their life, attaining some wisdom, many more simply do not. They are forever enslaved by their adolescent minds never really having control over their destiny. They are forced to react to the consequences of their bad decisions rather than proactively making good decisions thereby thwarting the negative consequences.

Science tells us that mental development ceases in our mid twenties therefore, whatever synaptic network one has at that age is by and large what they will have for life. Change is rarely possible but highly improbable. Regrettably, this is why the phrase "once a cheater, always a cheater" is nearly always accurate.

Peace and long life
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post #20 of 51 (permalink) Old 12-06-2016, 08:32 PM
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Re: Is "Once a cheater, always a Cheater" an accurate quote?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Evinrude58 View Post
There are so many women out there that are dying for a loyal man....
Why do you insist on fantasizing about the possibility that your wife will stop cheating?

Divorce her. That's what she wants. She can chase penises with no flack from you, and not feel so guilty about it.

You, however, can chase women as well and find one that is starving for only you. Why are you depriving yourself of that opportunity?

It takes very little time and effort to see an attorney and start the process.

What you are doing to yourself is excruciating.

You need to start visualizing yourself happy, with a woman who loves you at your side, with no worries about infidelity lurking just out of sight. And then make it happen.

Thus wife of yours does not live you. She loves herself.
While it seems that way, I don't think Majdeath's wife loves herself, which is why she's not capable of loving Majdeath. Or any man, really. She just seeks to get validation from man after man after man...but the emptiness never gets filled. That's actually a true narcissist...they are empty inside, they don't love anyone, not even themselves, and they are never good at relationships, because they can't relate to people. They just use people.

In some ways, I feel sorry for narcissists, but they are not capable of changing, if they are really narcissists. The only way to deal with them is to go no contact. I think Majdeath will spend his life thinking he can change her, or that if he follows her enough, or monitors her enough, she'll stop. She won't ever stop, because she doesn't care about Majdeath or her marriage.

Sometimes, you fall in love with the most unexpected person, at the most unexpected time. ~ Unknown

Last edited by *Deidre*; 12-06-2016 at 08:41 PM.
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post #21 of 51 (permalink) Old 12-06-2016, 08:33 PM
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Re: Is "Once a cheater, always a Cheater" an accurate quote?

Quote:
Originally Posted by arbitrator View Post
Premise:

(1) My RSXW is an avowed narcissist.

(2) It was an accepted fact by some of her "friends" that she cheated on her first H.

(3) She then married and later cheated on me.

Conclusion:

RSXW knows, all too well, the unremorseful ropes of deceptive marital cheating, and if need be, could resort right back to it, all on a moments notice!
I feel so bad for you, because you are a kind man, it seems. You deserve someone to be kind back to you. ((hug))

Sometimes, you fall in love with the most unexpected person, at the most unexpected time. ~ Unknown
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post #22 of 51 (permalink) Old 12-07-2016, 07:08 AM
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Re: Is "Once a cheater, always a Cheater" an accurate quote?

Quote:
Originally Posted by *Deidre* View Post
If the cheater is a sociopath/narcissist, then yes.
Not so.

Sometimes, they're just plain selfish a*ssholes with no dime-store psychology label affixed to them.
I've known many men over my lifetime (coworker friends, guys in volunteer organizations, etc. etc.) who cheat purely for the variety and excitement of having sex with a different woman other than the one they married 15 or 20 years ago.

Not because they're personality-disordered or 'broken' or because their marriage is suffering.

It's because they're a*ssholes.
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post #23 of 51 (permalink) Old 12-07-2016, 07:32 AM
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Re: Is "Once a cheater, always a Cheater" an accurate quote?

Quote:
Originally Posted by MAJDEATH View Post
I was inquiring about the populous in general, not my situation specifically. But to alleviate any doubt, by definition she would be in the 30% group. It is my problem to deal with, with full knowledge of the challenges.
Of course people and their circumstances change. So, no, "once a cheater, always a cheater" doesn't apply to everyone. NOTHING applies to everyone.

I had multiple affairs during my dating days and multiple affairs during my 6 year marriage to my exH. I have not been unfaithful to DH and we'll be celebrating 17 years as a couple and 14 married later this month.

Follow the evidence where it leads and question everything.
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post #24 of 51 (permalink) Old 12-07-2016, 07:54 AM
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Re: Is "Once a cheater, always a Cheater" an accurate quote?

Quote:
Originally Posted by NoChoice View Post
OP,
To be a "serial" cheater it really becomes a matter of cognizance. There is a poster here named losinghim. She had an encounter with a friend of her H that lasted less than 60 seconds. Why? Why only 60 seconds and why only the one time? What prevented her from continuing, from having a months long fling? She did. Her mind began extrapolating from compiled data and the projected outcome was not acceptable to her, in fact it repulsed her. Not only for what she was doing to her H but also what type of person it made her in her own mind.

Her H did not do the 180, in fact he did not even know about it for over 2 years. He finally found out when she told him. Why did she tell him? She had gotten away with it for 2 years, why tell now, what made her? She did. Once again her mind extrapolated from compiled data and projected an outcome that was not bearable to her. What do you suppose would have been the outcome for her if, instead of processing the information as she did, she simply reveled in her own pleasure and ego, giving no thought to the future, her H, her family, nothing but herself? Most likely she would have continued on that night and perhaps on into the future, with that OM or another.

Her mind was able to draw a very negative conclusion to her actions affecting not only herself but her H as well thereby displaying empathy, an emotion absent in underdeveloped intellects.

Now try to imagine that the person is not just ignoring the processed thoughts regarding all the negative outcomes but rather is not capable of having them at all. Her mind simply does not process data in a way that allows her to recognize the harmful effects of her behavior. Now try to further imagine her mind trying to commit to a lifelong partnership.

When some people, certainly not all and perhaps not even most, contemplate marriage their mind extrapolates data from all known sources and projects a probable scenario. They consider monogamy and all that it entails, sharing resources and the accumulation of same, procreating and raising offspring and many other factors that comprise a lifelong union of two people. However, when a person of limited intellect tries to contemplate marriage the data is processed erroneously. Much of the data is simply not included and that which is is not projected accurately but rather in a unrealistic, fantasy like future. Then, when real life happens, they are soon very disillusioned with "marriage" and, since they haven't the intellect to carefully decide how to proceed, they act in the only way available to them, impetuously. And, in the absence of empathy, their actions are self serving and unilateral in nature.

They are simply unprepared for the commitment that is marriage and wholly unable to abide within its "rules" and therefore they "cheat".
Yet her husband is a serial cheater. And a remorseless one at that.

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http://mygeneralblog1.blogspot.co.uk...-cheaters.html (Be afraid UK cheaters! CheaterVille has come to the UK!
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post #25 of 51 (permalink) Old 12-07-2016, 08:12 AM
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Re: Is "Once a cheater, always a Cheater" an accurate quote?

It is doubtful that anyone would dispute Albert Einstein's intellect and intelligence. Yet, he cheated on his first wife with his cousin and went so far as to move in with the woman before divorcing his first wife.

Intellect refers to the ability to identify, analyze, memorize and categorize. Intelligence brings the 'feelings' to the matter - taking one beyond the facts. In short, he was just an azzhole like so many others.

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post #26 of 51 (permalink) Old 12-07-2016, 08:32 AM
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Re: Is "Once a cheater, always a Cheater" an accurate quote?

It takes a certain lack of moral compass to break a vow he made to a loved one (and God if the person is religious) and risk shame in the eyes of family and friends who gave blessing to the wedding. Is it possible to develop moral fortitude over time? Yes. But I have seen so few people who accomplished this feat. People are motivated to become more wealthy, fit, and accomplished but are less motivated to mature as a person.

It is also worth noting that just because a person stops cheating does not mean the person is no longer a cheater. If a cheater is caught in the act, he/she will be watched more carefully and would be less likely to have the opportunity.
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post #27 of 51 (permalink) Old 12-07-2016, 08:45 AM
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Re: Is "Once a cheater, always a Cheater" an accurate quote?

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Yet her husband is a serial cheater. And a remorseless one at that.
Exactly, because he is a child mentally.

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post #28 of 51 (permalink) Old 12-07-2016, 09:06 AM
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Re: Is "Once a cheater, always a Cheater" an accurate quote?

I would definitely, from my experience, say that low intelligence and cheating have a directly proportional relationship.
Someone posted that nothing fits everyone-- I agree with that statement. But I think low intelligence and cheating are probably a likely pair.
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post #29 of 51 (permalink) Old 12-07-2016, 09:31 AM
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Re: Is "Once a cheater, always a Cheater" an accurate quote?

I suspect that intellect and intelligence have nothing to do with cheating. IMO, it's more about a person's morals.
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post #30 of 51 (permalink) Old 12-07-2016, 09:42 AM
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Re: Is "Once a cheater, always a Cheater" an accurate quote?

I believe it's more an "honor among thieves" reality... lack of loving yourself and being drawn to those who lack it where you imitate those with the same said poor values and then begin following their poor judgements because, cheaters encourage and protect cheaters.

We had a circle of 7 couples as friends a long time ago... 1 of those men was what we would classify as a serial cheater as we found out over time.

As we discovered over a couple years it became 2 that lacked judgement, then 4 and we quit hanging out with that group at that stage.

Today, we are the only couple still married to the same person, some married thrice.

These were brilliant people lacking no intelligence in many ways but one obvious area... and the spouses who chose their boundaries moved forward without them.

So if you are a cheater surrounded by cheaters, chances are you will continue to be... if you do not allow cheaters into your inner circle of trust after you have strayed and learned a hard lesson of understanding why being penitent to self and others, then you will not.

Short answer to the thread title... no, I do not believe so.
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