Read this: Once A Cheater, Always A Cheater? Marriage Therapists Weigh In | The Huffington Post
It requires a lot of conditions for cheaters to stop cheating and I think what we see here, are spouses not willing to undergo a lot of counseling or open mindedness. How many wives in the posts here blame their husbands for their cheating? To stop cheating, a lot of things have to fall into place. This website is for those who are not aware of their options or they would not be asking.
I cheated and did not blame my wife, did not love her less, but have always had multiple women in my life. My wife knew my reputation before we married. We ended up having a non monogamous marriage. Not many sex partners, less than 10 in over 44 years of our marriage. Most of our marriage was spent with a girlfriend we knew since our teen years and both treated as family even before it turned sexual. I am one of those guys who is poly and could not survive in a monogamous relationship. Turns out that my wife is bisexual and also needed other women in her life. Once she accepted that she did not have to be the prototypical faithful wife, she allowed her repressed sexuality to come out. We eventually choose to have a fidelitous poly triad for 30 years so we were like a monogamous couple except that there were three of us.
My wife and I agreed that we would have divorced had we decided to be strictly monogamous. As for statistics, I spent a good part of my life working for government agencies gathering statistics. I made them come out in favor of whatever my employer wanted them to be. I do not trust statistics that much. The statistics of me needing a gun for self protection are extremely low and yet I have needed it twice. The statistics of a college drop out ending up making more than most internist, lawyers and airline pilots, is very small and yet I make more then they do. I can go on and on about statistics. To understand them you need to find out how they obtain their information and the size and diversity of the sample. For instance marriage counsellor only track their patients for a year after they end counselling. No one knows if they go on to cheat again beyond a year. People are reluctant to tell the truth when the questions are personal. They tend to say what they wish they were than what they regularly do.
Ever boss I worked for, 5 of them, cheated more than once, male or female. My friends who cheated are on their 3rd and even 4th wives. They never stopped cheating. Every person I knew who cheated, kept on doing it and they were never a part of a survey. There is one truth that is glossed over by marriage counselors; a person's past behavior is a very good indicator of their future behavior. This is why when there is a robbery, the police round up all the robbers in their system. People can change, but most cannot. To stop cheating you have to do A,B,C,D and then you will not cheat again. The problem is that few are willing to do all those things. Read the article above and see all the conditions that have to exist to stop cheating. I had my ex fiancee and an ex girlfriend cheat on me, my only two relationships before my marriage. I was unwilling to live the rest of my life suspicious of them and having my stomach in knots every time they went out for the night without me or spent a few hours at the mall without me. Statistics do no show why they stop cheating nor do they mention how cheaters do keep on cheating but do not get caught again so their spouses think they are no longer cheating. Marriage should not be so hard that both spouses have to work so hard at it. Many stay married for the sake of the children or their spouse looks the other way. Sometimes the spouse gives permission to the cheater to date others. I have dated a few wives like this. In fact my girlfriend of 30 years was married to a doctor who gave her his OK to continue with both me and my wife. As I said, the stats depend on who was surveyed and if they were given lie detector test to verify their answers. Every time I was asked if I cheated, I said no. My wife never told anyone but her lovers that she is bi and would not even say so in a survey.
I minored in psychology and I new a few professional Psychologist in my adulthood. One of my group of close friends did Marriage Counselling and his wife cheated and they divorced. After that he quit saying he did not believe what he was telling others and himself about marriage. If you are going to believe statistics, just do some research and for every stat you get, you can find studies that say the opposite. Most, if not all studies are flawed and there is no way in heck you can get statistics of all those who cheat since most do not seek marriage counselling and are off the radar. People like me and my friends. Hillary was supposed to win the election. All that statistics said so.