Relationship Skills - Talk About Marriage
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  • 5 Post By jimrich
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post #1 of 5 (permalink) Old 12-10-2016, 01:01 PM Thread Starter
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Wink Relationship Skills

My 2nd wife and I were both veterans of 12 step support groups so we were introduced to healthy relationship skills. We expanded on this by reading a few Relationship books and diligently applying the skills and techniques to our marriage so we would not unwittingly repeat the bad behaviors that ruined our 1st marriages.
Of the skills that we used 100% honesty ALL THE TIME did us the most good and paved the way for deep trust, love, respect and loyalty all of which came down to a very affectionate and committed relationship that held steady for around 26 years.
We out lasted most of the couples we knew and were very best friends the whole time. We learned that our love and goodness had to be constant and not done just whenever we felt like it, so our happiness stayed solid all the way through until my wife crossed over a few months back.
We just basically learned from our mistakes in therapy and vowed to do better in our last/current marriage by following a few basic, easy tips and skills we took from books and common sense. We had no kids so that made it possible to avoid much of the stress that most couples face while raising their kids.
She has two grown kids and I have none so we could devote a huge amount of QUALITY time to each other and we did.
Many couples FAIL to be or become best friends and that alone can make a relationship wonderful and everlasting where there is genuine, loving friendship in the union.
I'd tell any couple to just google: Relationship Skills or Tips and get going learning how to be terrific partners FOR LIFE.


choose happiness
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post #2 of 5 (permalink) Old 12-18-2016, 09:17 PM
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Re: Relationship Skills

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Originally Posted by jimrich View Post
My 2nd wife and I were both veterans of 12 step support groups so we were introduced to healthy relationship skills. We expanded on this by reading a few Relationship books and diligently applying the skills and techniques to our marriage so we would not unwittingly repeat the bad behaviors that ruined our 1st marriages.
Of the skills that we used 100% honesty ALL THE TIME did us the most good and paved the way for deep trust, love, respect and loyalty all of which came down to a very affectionate and committed relationship that held steady for around 26 years.
We out lasted most of the couples we knew and were very best friends the whole time. We learned that our love and goodness had to be constant and not done just whenever we felt like it, so our happiness stayed solid all the way through until my wife crossed over a few months back.
We just basically learned from our mistakes in therapy and vowed to do better in our last/current marriage by following a few basic, easy tips and skills we took from books and common sense. We had no kids so that made it possible to avoid much of the stress that most couples face while raising their kids.
She has two grown kids and I have none so we could devote a huge amount of QUALITY time to each other and we did.
Many couples FAIL to be or become best friends and that alone can make a relationship wonderful and everlasting where there is genuine, loving friendship in the union.
I'd tell any couple to just google: Relationship Skills or Tips and get going learning how to be terrific partners FOR LIFE.
@jimrich, @EleGirl

Jim -I hope you are well, the holidays, after losing someone, are very hard. I have been with MrsMarriedDude since 1989, I think not having her with me, after all this time, would create a hole and a pain inside me -that I can almost feel now....It's because the mere thought of that loss hurts -I am sure there is nothing I can say, no way I could truly relate, that would not be hollow.

I do, however, want you to know. You are not, nor will you ever be alone. She will be with you always. Thank you for sharing what you have learned, though this gift you shared with her.

Take Care

Holes burn deep in your chest,
Raked by machine gun fire.
Screaming soul sent out to die,
Living mandatory suicide.
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post #3 of 5 (permalink) Old 12-22-2016, 09:24 AM
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Re: Relationship Skills

Jim:
I could not have said it better. I have found most couples fail to find that "best friend" in their spouses. That saddens me, in that, I cannot imagine a life where I could not tell my wife absolutely everything, and take joy in experiencing anything and everything together. As I have said, I am in an industry, where I have contact with many couples, and I have noted that the successful couples are best friends as well as lovers. I subscribe to the theory that you treat your spouse as "Girlfriend/Boyfriend" and live your life as if the relationship is fresh.

We have just become "empty-nesters". We realized that this is the first time in 33 years that we have been on our own. Most couples I know seem to turn away from one another. They seem to forget how to relate to their spouse outside of the confines of raising children. We made a conscious decision to turn to one another. 38th honeymoon time. Wow, at 62, love just gets better and better. We are living examples.

Last edited by Taxman; 12-22-2016 at 09:27 AM. Reason: Further information.
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post #4 of 5 (permalink) Old 12-22-2016, 09:25 AM
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Re: Relationship Skills

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Jim:
I could not have said it better. I have found most couples fail to find that "best friend" in their spouses. That saddens me, in that, I cannot imagine a life where I could not tell my wife absolutely everything, and take joy in experiencing anything and everything together. As I have said, I am in an industry, where I have contact with many couples, and I have noted that the successful couples are best friends as well as lovers. I subscribe to the theory that you treat your spouse as "Girlfriend/Boyfriend" and live your life as if the relationship is fresh.
Totally agree with the "best friends" approach to marriage.

It is so important to be transparent with your spouse. I think it is Rule Number One of Healthy Marriage.

One of the deepest feminine pleasures is when a man stands full, present, and unreactive in the midst of his woman's emotional storms. When he stays present with her, and loves her through the layers of wildness and closure, then she feels his trustability, and she can relax. -- David Deida, The Way of the Superior Man
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post #5 of 5 (permalink) Old 12-23-2016, 07:03 PM
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Re: Relationship Skills

I could not be with a man who didn't hold me as his best friend in life... that I could run to him with anything/ everything and we'd laugh or cry together, where I didn't have to worry showing my most vulnerable state, sometimes that's not always so pretty... but a best friend brings healing to us...we need this in a partner, most especially a lover...

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