Apologizing - Talk About Marriage
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post #1 of 29 (permalink) Old 12-21-2016, 03:46 PM Thread Starter
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Apologizing

Life is hard. Marriage is hard. We are always going to make mistakes. I think one of the best things we can learn how to do is be the best apologizer/maker upper there is. This will make marriage go a lot smoother. Yet for some reason, this is so hard for us to do.

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post #2 of 29 (permalink) Old 12-21-2016, 03:49 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Apologizing

Hint hint, never start with I'm sorry you got offended by....
I'm sorry that offended you.
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post #3 of 29 (permalink) Old 12-21-2016, 03:58 PM
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Re: Apologizing

I would agree. But pride...

Ohhhhhhhh pride.....
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post #4 of 29 (permalink) Old 12-21-2016, 04:03 PM
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Re: Apologizing

That only works if the apology is sincere. Most of the time with a passive aggressive spouse it is said to just get you off his/her back. It means nothing. Their actions speak louder than their words.
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post #5 of 29 (permalink) Old 12-21-2016, 04:13 PM
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Re: Apologizing

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Originally Posted by Síocháin View Post
That only works if the apology is sincere. Most of the time with a passive aggressive spouse it is said to just get you off his/her back. It means nothing. Their actions speak louder than their words.
Yes, live your apology... if you believe in your apology you should strive to never have to make it twice for the same thing.

That doesn't mean we won't need to from time to time, just that bettering ourselves in how we treat others, and ourselves by treating others well, is the goal.
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post #6 of 29 (permalink) Old 12-21-2016, 04:31 PM
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Re: Apologizing

I have learned with all relationships that apologies need to be met with actions - in fact actions are better than apologies.

I apologise easy but I find changing my attitude much harder...but I do try and learn from my mistakes.
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post #7 of 29 (permalink) Old 12-21-2016, 04:51 PM
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Re: Apologizing

I think it all depends of the person you're married to. Some wives won't accept apologies but choose instead to stay bitter.

"I've paid double for every transgression I've ever made and that motel and that boat are little to ask for"
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post #8 of 29 (permalink) Old 12-21-2016, 05:03 PM
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Re: Apologizing

People really do need to learn how to apologize. The words "I'm Sorry" mean SQUAT if they're followed with BUT or THAT YOU or YOU DIDN'T.

I'm sorry you didn't understand me - wtf?? Say 'I'm sorry I didn't speak clearly' or 'I'm sorry, I shouldn't have mumbled'.

This is one area my husband really does need some work (in case you hadn't already figured that out) He ALWAYS say 'I'm sorry BUT..............' Drives me positively batty. And he says he's sorry for stuff that he shouldn't be sorry for all the time. Like if I get mad at a kid for something he feels the need to apologize. It's a tad bit incomprehensible to me sometimes.

I grew up having to explain what I was apologizing for. Just 'I'm Sorry' didn't cut it. And if I didn't know, I had to figure it out or stay in my room. I wish more parents (..............MIL............) had done that.

Although it does work the other way too. I've found that if he's mad at me about something and I just say I'm sorry, he calms down. I feel guilty when I do that though because I am not actually sorry about anything, I just want him to shut up.
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post #9 of 29 (permalink) Old 12-21-2016, 05:17 PM
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post #10 of 29 (permalink) Old 12-21-2016, 05:22 PM
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Re: Apologizing

Sorry about the crabs....that's hysterical


"I've paid double for every transgression I've ever made and that motel and that boat are little to ask for"
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post #11 of 29 (permalink) Old 12-21-2016, 05:28 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Apologizing

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People really do need to learn how to apologize. The words "I'm Sorry" mean SQUAT if they're followed with BUT or THAT YOU or YOU DIDN'T.



I'm sorry you didn't understand me - wtf?? .

Omgggggg!!! I can't stand the BUT. A bad apology like that is more offensive to me than no apology bc it's making excuses for their actions, justifying them, or blaming them on you. Drives me nuts.

I agree that the changed action is the best apology.
The problem is when the person can't admit when they are wrong. This is crazy to me, so much pride and selfishness, and inability to see someone else beside yourself.
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post #12 of 29 (permalink) Old 12-21-2016, 05:33 PM
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Re: Apologizing

It's also important to NOT apologize when they're not your monkeys.

But yes, it generally goes something like "I'm sorry. I'm sorry that I <insert shìtty thing>. I'm sorry I hurt you." Any issues that may have lead to <shìtty thing> should be discussed later.

ETA: bacon makes everything ok.



Sigh, my wife gives me the speaking treatment.
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post #13 of 29 (permalink) Old 12-21-2016, 05:41 PM
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Re: Apologizing

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It's also important to NOT apologize when they're not your monkeys.

But yes, it generally goes something like "I'm sorry. I'm sorry that I <insert shìtty thing>. I'm sorry I hurt you." Any issues that may have lead to <shìtty thing> should be discussed later.

ETA: bacon makes everything ok.
I always apologize immediately after regaining consciousness and stopping my arterial bleeding.

@katiecrna - I apologize, really I'm not joking, for the off topic post(s). Your thread makes good points.

.........><)))#">
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post #14 of 29 (permalink) Old 12-21-2016, 07:12 PM
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Re: Apologizing

@Haiku, you have an interesting family life.
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post #15 of 29 (permalink) Old 12-21-2016, 07:15 PM
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Re: Apologizing

There is some nonsense that says 'love means never having to say you're sorry'. WTH! Spouses need to apologize when appropriate and without prompting.
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