Questions to ask to go deep in your relationship - Talk About Marriage
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post #1 of 28 (permalink) Old 01-13-2017, 03:37 PM Thread Starter
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Lightbulb Questions to ask to go deep in your relationship

I found this blog very interesting. The author provides ten questions to help couples build deeper emotional connections.

You can visit Questions for detailed descriptions of what exactly encompasses each question but here they are in summary.

1. Is there anything I can do for you in this moment to help you feel more comfortable or loved?

2. How can I better support you in your life?

3. Is there anything I have done in the past week that may have unknowingly hurt you?

4. When you come home from work, what can I do or say that will make you feel the most loved?

5. Is there any kind of physical touch that I can engage in more that helps you to feel loved?

6. Do you think you will need more closeness or more alone time over the next couple of days?

7. Is there any argument that we had this past week that you feel incomplete about?

8. How do you feel about our sex life lately?

9. What are the main stressors currently in your life, and is there any way I can alleviate that stress for you, if only a small amount?

10. When do you find speaking difficult and how can I best support you through those moments?


Would you feel comfortable asking these questions of your partner?

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post #2 of 28 (permalink) Old 01-13-2017, 03:41 PM
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Re: Questions to ask to go deep in your relationship

These are great! Since my husband and I are in marriage counseling he is very open emotionally at the moment (he's a typical "man's man"). I would always feel comfortable asking, but don't know if in the past I would've gotten as much response as I wanted. As it stands today I'd love to ask these, and may do it this weekend.
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post #3 of 28 (permalink) Old 01-13-2017, 03:46 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Questions to ask to go deep in your relationship

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Originally Posted by ChipperE View Post
These are great! Since my husband and I are in marriage counseling he is very open emotionally at the moment (he's a typical "man's man"). I would always feel comfortable asking, but don't know if in the past I would've gotten as much response as I wanted. As it stands today I'd love to ask these, and may do it this weekend.
I thought the same thing. I showed them to my husband last night and we decided we'd talk about them tonight. Should be fun

The blogger also has another great article on generating 'relationship agreements' which I highly recommend you read if you are interested in finding ways to open up lines of communication with you hubs.
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post #4 of 28 (permalink) Old 01-13-2017, 03:51 PM
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Re: Questions to ask to go deep in your relationship

This is a great list of questions. I don't know that I would feel comfortable asking them at this stage of my relationship; Real Estate and I have been seeing each other for a little over 9 months, and while it's pretty obvious that he loves me, he's a bit commitment-phobic and hasn't actually said it yet, and I'm holding my tongue until he's ready. So asking what I can do to make him feel more loved may feel either precocious or claustrophobic to him. And we don't live together of see each other on a daily basis, so some of the questions aren't applicable.

That being said, we have always had good communication, we are honest with one another, and he has always done a wonderful job at making sure that I feel safe emotionally, so I can feel safe asking questions or saying things that leave me particularly vulnerable. So, I believe that once we reach a later stage in our relationship, yes, I would feel comfortable asking him these questions and discussing them. So I may have to file them away for later.

~Happily un-married since December 9, 2013~
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post #5 of 28 (permalink) Old 01-13-2017, 04:12 PM
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Re: Questions to ask to go deep in your relationship

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I thought the same thing. I showed them to my husband last night and we decided we'd talk about them tonight. Should be fun

The blogger also has another great article on generating 'relationship agreements' which I highly recommend you read if you are interested in finding ways to open up lines of communication with you hubs.
Thanks for the suggestion! With us both bring so open at the moment (we've always had a good relationship but I feel like we can discuss anything!!) it's just plain fun to talk about these things.

I hope you and your hubby have a fun discussion!!
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post #6 of 28 (permalink) Old 01-13-2017, 04:26 PM
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Re: Questions to ask to go deep in your relationship

Those are good questions. We don't ask these specifically, but they are sort of included in our general conversations (and nonverbal interactions) throughout the week. We're also pretty good at speaking up if something IS bothering us, so we rarely wait to be asked.

Love is an ideal thing; marriage is a real thing; a confusion of the real with the ideal never goes unpunished. - Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

CELIBACY IS NOT HEREDITARY.
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post #7 of 28 (permalink) Old 01-13-2017, 04:38 PM
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Re: Questions to ask to go deep in your relationship

I regularly ask variations of 4 or 5 of these. A couple of others are basically just out there always.

#2 How can I better support you, is a bit troublesome, she says I don't support her enough but when I ask how and what concrete steps I can take the answer is "support me". Grr, because I think I'm doing ok, but apparently not. I'm not a freaking mind reader.



Sigh, my wife gives me the speaking treatment.
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post #8 of 28 (permalink) Old 01-13-2017, 05:34 PM
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Re: Questions to ask to go deep in your relationship

I would love to ask my H these questions, but I doubt he would answer them. He would likely make jokes and try to deflect.
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post #9 of 28 (permalink) Old 01-13-2017, 09:11 PM
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These are good questions, provided you wish to get deeper into your relationship.

A lot of my answers are one word, and if you've read my threads, you'll know it.
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post #10 of 28 (permalink) Old 01-14-2017, 01:07 AM
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Cool Re: Questions to ask to go deep in your relationship

These questions are more than fair ~ and should definitely and justifiably be posed to either marital partner!


"To love another person is to see the face of God!" - Jean Valjean from Les Miserables

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post #11 of 28 (permalink) Old 01-14-2017, 04:24 AM
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Re: Questions to ask to go deep in your relationship

I think Odo and I ask each other variations of these. Rather, I ask and he usually acts them out. It's harder for him to accurately verbalize his feelings, so he usually does things that show empathy and care, and I try to make a point to express my gratitude for what he does.

"If you deliberately plan on being less than you are capable of being, then I warn you that you'll be unhappy for the rest of your life."

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post #12 of 28 (permalink) Old 01-14-2017, 09:53 AM
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Re: Questions to ask to go deep in your relationship

For many of these questions, my husband and I often answer them before they are even asked. There are still some things that we're not very good at communicating about, but with others there's no need even for the conversation.
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post #13 of 28 (permalink) Old 01-14-2017, 10:34 AM
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Re: Questions to ask to go deep in your relationship

Yes.. "Open ended" questions inviting the other to share... this is very healthy for relationships...these can be asked in a variety of ways throughout our daily interactions, no matter where we are...it shows we want to meet the other half way... all with the intent to bring us closer, more of a shared intimacy...

I've always been one of those who likes to know how another feels (where are you at?.. is this any good for you? ... or it is just me sorta thing)...I would even call myself a "digger" in this way.... he's never minded this, thankfully...I want the honesty.. even if I may not like what he has to say in response to my digging....

I did a thread on Open ended Questions a while back.. it wasn't focused so much on "feeling loved" or "what I can do for you".. but more on unearthing new territory or discovering compatibility, especially in the beginnings of a relationship...

Intellectual Foreplay ... Deepening Intimacy & Insight with "Open Ended Questions"...

My husband is more one of those who would put himself down to please someone else.. knowing this as I do.. It's almost imperative of me to SEEK HOW HE FEELS.. if not.. I could be missing a lot with him.. and actually I did miss some things in our past by not asking the right questions..


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post #14 of 28 (permalink) Old 01-14-2017, 11:18 AM
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Re: Questions to ask to go deep in your relationship

Quote:
Originally Posted by Lila View Post
I found this blog very interesting. The author provides ten questions to help couples build deeper emotional connections.

You can visit Questions for detailed descriptions of what exactly encompasses each question but here they are in summary.

1. Is there anything I can do for you in this moment to help you feel more comfortable or loved?

2. How can I better support you in your life?

3. Is there anything I have done in the past week that may have unknowingly hurt you?

4. When you come home from work, what can I do or say that will make you feel the most loved?

5. Is there any kind of physical touch that I can engage in more that helps you to feel loved?

6. Do you think you will need more closeness or more alone time over the next couple of days?

7. Is there any argument that we had this past week that you feel incomplete about?

8. How do you feel about our sex life lately?

9. What are the main stressors currently in your life, and is there any way I can alleviate that stress for you, if only a small amount?

10. When do you find speaking difficult and how can I best support you through those moments?


Would you feel comfortable asking these questions of your partner?
Now I know where last night's naked Q&A came from

Holes burn deep in your chest,
Raked by machine gun fire.
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post #15 of 28 (permalink) Old 01-14-2017, 07:31 PM
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Re: Questions to ask to go deep in your relationship

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....
Would you feel comfortable asking these questions of your partner?
I think that's a good list of questions to think about. Yea I would feel comfortable asking any of these individually if we seemed disconnected. At the same time I think if someone was so disconnected that they had to ask all of the questions then maybe it would be an exercise of futility.

I'm as deep as a puddle. Holland.
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