sandc

So I'm a new guy here. I am S and my wife is C. I don't want to give my real name as I want to reveal certain things about my wife and I that I don't necessarily want linked back to us. I am only revealing these things in the hopes that it will help someone else.

My wife and I have been married 24 years. We have two kids, one is special needs (autistic) the other is sweetness and light. We love them both dearly. We have come through some pretty rough spots. Most of them were my (husband) creation. I did not always lead my family as I should. I didn't always cherish my wife as I should. Our marriage has survived both of us having crushes on other people. We have survived swinging and doing a full partner swap with another couple (it was nice, and not so nice, but that's another story.) We have survived my pornography additions. We have survived my trying to push her into having sex with other men.

Here we still are. How did we do it? Well first off, we are both Christian people (not very good Christians, but forgiven Christians, sinners like everyone else.) Secondly, we both made a conscious decision to love each other even when we didn't feel like it. She has finally realized that, yes, I am a man, and yes, I do need a lot of sex. She would feed me if I was starving so why should she withhold sex when I need it? (And ladies, we men do NEED it. As much or more than food, we need sex.) I have finally realized that she needs an emotional connection. She needs to talk and needs me to listen and she needs to feel valued and safe as much as she needs food. She needs this as much as I need sex.

So I take time to talk to her... really talk. Not just asking her how her day was. But really listening to her when she has a concern, digging in deeper by asking her questions that show I am truly engaged in the conversation and listening to her. She takes time to fix her hair, put on makeup, wear sexy clothing when we go out or even when we stay in. She doesn't just give me my sexual food, she prepares a 5 course sexual meal that I can savor and enjoy.

And so now, as we count down to our 25th anniversary we are in a very good place. I truly love her more than I thought I could love anyone and she tells me (and shows me) that she feels the same.

So, anyway, that's our abbreviated story and our introduction.

romantic_guy

Yep...same here!!

Join the crowd!!

We have similar stories in this regard. 39 years married here (got married at 16 & 17 because she was pregnant). I read a few years ago that men spell sex, S-E-X and women spell sex, T-A-L-K. Once I started caring about her and meeting her emotional need, then she started opening up sexually to me. And WOW is it ever good!!!

__________________
The marriage bed must be a place of mutuality—the husband seeking to satisfy his wife, the wife seeking to satisfy her husband. Marriage is not a place to "stand up for your rights." Marriage is a decision to serve the other, whether in bed or out. 1 Corinthians 7:2 (The Message)

sandc

Thank you for the affirmation r_g! It's good to meet a brother online. It's amazing how many problems can be solved when we stop being selfish and start loving others selflessly. Kind of like our King did.