compromise - Talk About Marriage
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post #1 of 4 (permalink) Old 02-14-2017, 05:18 AM Thread Starter
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compromise

i have been away from my wife for over a month now driving truck. im in a training program that will eventually make me a qualified CDL-A driver. my wife works at a hospital and she occasionally has her blood pressure checked. it was dangerously high so she went on medication and took herself off of the pill. the pill and high blood pressure do not mix well and that is indeed a medical fact. i have a 5 year old son that i love very much but have always been un-easy when it comes to having a second child, the cost of raising a child is not cheap if you choose to actually pay for all of the expenses and not let the child be a "ward" of the state. i told my wife i was thinking of a vasectomy. i thought we were on the same page not really wishing for anymore kids. well she expressed to me that she would like to have one more child. I'm still deeply in love with my wife we have been married 12 years and value what she wants. she told me this is something she truely wants, so i will do my damnedest to try to make her a mother of two. i did tell her absolutely no more then two unless we end up with twins (hopefully not twins lol). when i come home we will have sex, she is off the pill, and we will not use a condom..... i will finish inside of her like i always have. whatever happens, happens. frankly if she wants another child i hope i can get her pregnant again. I love and respect this woman to the ends of the earth, if she wants another child that i can create with the woman i love its actually a wonderful thing. i cant say no to her.

i had a serous talk with her about it because i dont want to be a bad husband and get snipped if she doesnt feel the family is complete. after we have another baby without question or hesitation i will get the vasectomy done. she completely agrees. we do not use condoms, she doesnt want to be on the pill anymore and two kids is enough to make both of us happy.

part of a successful marriage is not being selfish and making sure your partner is complete and getting what they want out of marriage and life. she was thrilled when i told her i was willing to have another child.


Last edited by ad356; 02-14-2017 at 05:24 AM.
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post #2 of 4 (permalink) Old 04-12-2017, 10:49 AM
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Re: compromise

The danger is as you correctly pointed out; is being able to support your family. I have worked in the transportation industry for 47 years, truck, rail, air and ship. I ran a trucking company and started out as a truck driver. Drove a deuce and a half in Vietnam. My wife's entire family are truckers and all are living paycheck to paycheck. It is a very tough life. The big problem is what happens if you become injured as my father-in-law did. It becomes more difficult as you get older and the trend is towards owner-drivers. Owning and maintaining your own truck is very expensive. I like to think long term and plan for the worse. It has served me well for my 44 years of marriage.

My suggestion is that someone has to be the logical one in the marriage. I think logically while my wife thinks emotionally. Some times you have to say no. If not your children can end up like my wife's siblings did. Just barely enough for each one rather than being able to provide a great life for fewer kids. Two is fine and the national average is 2. 5 kids per family. Try not to end up like some families I know who keep having kids and they all live paycheck to paycheck in homes that are in disrepair. I assume that you are aware that the trend is towards owner/operators and the cost to buy and maintain a truck is high. My brother-in-law stopped at one kid and even then, he lives in a small home in the middle of nowhere and most times cannot afford to keep his truck in good shape. Good luck to you but I love my wife too and I have spoiled her but sometimes logic must prevail. Plan for the worse and you will never have to go hungry.

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post #3 of 4 (permalink) Old 04-12-2017, 11:45 AM
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Re: compromise

My wife and I had this same debate...although there was no compromise. When we first got married we made very little, she said she would work but lied after we were married that she wanted to be a SAHM. That nearly toppled the marriage. It wasn't a compromise , it was a demand.

The same happened as we debated how big the family should be be. I made very little and she quit her job, I felt that one kid and her going back to work immediately was the only way we could get through this financially. She demanded to have more. We ended up having three kids, she lied about being on birth control through each pregnancy. During this time I lost my job a couple of times and there were times there was nothing coming in. It was scary, we almost lost the house several times. She didn't care, all that mattered was that she got her way, even at the expense of financial collapse. I constantly had to field calls from bill collectors and collection agencies.

I see the OP's situation as similar to mine. I think it was very selfish for the OP's wife to pretty much demand a larger family than the OP could afford. Unfortunately money does come into these conversations and must be a consideration. I don't know why some women just don't get this. It's more important for them to have their way than the financial stability of the household.

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Last edited by jb02157; 04-12-2017 at 11:55 AM.
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post #4 of 4 (permalink) Old 04-12-2017, 12:02 PM
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Re: compromise

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Originally Posted by ad356 View Post
i have been away from my wife for over a month now driving truck. im in a training program that will eventually make me a qualified CDL-A driver. my wife works at a hospital and she occasionally has her blood pressure checked. it was dangerously high so she went on medication and took herself off of the pill. the pill and high blood pressure do not mix well and that is indeed a medical fact. i have a 5 year old son that i love very much but have always been un-easy when it comes to having a second child, the cost of raising a child is not cheap if you choose to actually pay for all of the expenses and not let the child be a "ward" of the state. i told my wife i was thinking of a vasectomy. i thought we were on the same page not really wishing for anymore kids. well she expressed to me that she would like to have one more child. I'm still deeply in love with my wife we have been married 12 years and value what she wants. she told me this is something she truely wants, so i will do my damnedest to try to make her a mother of two. i did tell her absolutely no more then two unless we end up with twins (hopefully not twins lol). when i come home we will have sex, she is off the pill, and we will not use a condom..... i will finish inside of her like i always have. whatever happens, happens. frankly if she wants another child i hope i can get her pregnant again. I love and respect this woman to the ends of the earth, if she wants another child that i can create with the woman i love its actually a wonderful thing. i cant say no to her.

i had a serous talk with her about it because i dont want to be a bad husband and get snipped if she doesnt feel the family is complete. after we have another baby without question or hesitation i will get the vasectomy done. she completely agrees. we do not use condoms, she doesnt want to be on the pill anymore and two kids is enough to make both of us happy.


part of a successful marriage is not being selfish and making sure your partner is complete and getting what they want out of marriage and life. she was thrilled when i told her i was willing to have another child.
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