EB2 is not much into idealism, she admires my strengths yet finds conflict in them for reasons still being sorted out.
She had a rough couple of weeks as her brother passed away from Leukemia (diagnosed just December 2016) and chose not to travel back to Europe for the funeral. As she was Skype-ing with our nieces, they were talking about the "Highland way" of sarcasm as a compliment... it was an interesting conversation to listen to as they talked about what was normal banter far up North in the UK was seen as rude and sarcastic down south in London and the rest of the world they traveled. In essence, if I make fun of you, it means I like you and am comfortable around you, an interesting awareness for me to consider from that moment forward and while it may be seemingly late in our almost 30 years together, is welcome for our remaining ones.
Inspirations come in many different forms... for years I expected to be inspired, as I expected a spouse in marriage should provide that one should lead, follow or get out of the way, when EB2 would provide none of the three and expectations would then seem self-sabatouging as what I saw when I placed her in any of the three roles were left unfulfilled by her and seemingly un-allowed to be filled by me. Since neither option offered inspiration, how is this resolved? It was only when I learned to accept this was how it was did the best path fall to my feet and saw other options than the one that seemingly barred our success, newly inspired.
I find us in an interesting place these days, I am "in love" with a spouse who makes fun of my idealistically "hapless" romanticism (word meant as written
) yet I know EB2 well enough to know that if she did not in her way love me and feel I was worth staying with, she would not be here... and that says a lot to me these days.
And I believe my resolve to appreciate like the reed in the wind, looking back just enough in the bend to gather what I need in my reflection of what was, to know what I choose for the present and not too much as I spring back just a little for the future while her reed remains planted firm and stoically and loudly making fun of how I flex, yet quietly accepting that I do.
Today, that is ideal.