Make up sex - Talk About Marriage
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post #1 of 26 (permalink) Old 04-12-2017, 12:54 PM Thread Starter
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Make up sex

We often read about how great make up sex is after an argument and I have had my share with past girlfriends and an ex fiancée. I also had some in the early days of my marriage. However, last night I asked my wife when was the last time we had make up sex and she replied that she cannot remember when because we have not argued for at lease 3 decades of our 44+ marriage.

I have read that arguments are good for a marriage because it gets things out in the open rather than holding them in where they fester. I can vaguely remember some hot makeup sex when we were in our twenties but nothing else. Maybe that is why we have lasted long and have a happy marriage. Just wondering about others in long term marriages. Do you fight often? Do you have makeup sex and is makeup sex good for a marriage or is it just trying to bury real problems with sex? Opinions?


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post #2 of 26 (permalink) Old 04-12-2017, 02:04 PM
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Re: Make up sex

i don't know if you can call this 'make up' sex, but there have been a few times when I was still mad at her
that she suggested we have sex. I would think to myself "i'm really not in the mood yet, but what the hell".
we were able to conclude things successfully. it worked.

I get mad at her maybe twice a year but it doesn't escalate. she's just too damn sweet to get really mad at.
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post #3 of 26 (permalink) Old 04-12-2017, 03:38 PM
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Re: Make up sex

My guy and I don't really have make-up sex, or at least we haven't yet anyway... post-argument bonding usually takes the form of cuddling and hugging. Sex will usually happen the next day, and it's usually really good because if we've had an argument, we likely abstained for a little bit, so it feels new and fresh again and kind of intense in that way. (We also don't live together, so immediate make-up sex isn't always in the cards.)

We also don't argue much, because we are already very open about expressing concerns and we actively listen to one another. We average one fight every four months. And each one we do a little bit better, learning from our mistakes; we learn to listen more and talk less, swallow our pride and come together more quickly. Funny this is that it's pretty much the same fight every time.

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post #4 of 26 (permalink) Old 04-12-2017, 04:47 PM
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Re: Make up sex

I guess you could call hysterical bonding a form of make up sex, and we definitely did that. But since then, not really. Our fights tend to last for days and we go months between fights, and he's pretty LD also, so when we do finally start speaking to each other again, no, we don't have sex.

People don't get a free pass to cheat just because their marriage sucks.


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post #5 of 26 (permalink) Old 04-12-2017, 09:01 PM
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Re: Make up sex

On a couple of occasions, I've had sex after a break up and get back together kind of thing. I guess that counts, right? And heck yes, it was great!!

But after arguments, no, not really. Or at least, by the time we have sex, there is no air of the argument still hanging around so it doesn't register as make up sex.

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post #6 of 26 (permalink) Old 04-13-2017, 05:29 PM
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Re: Make up sex

I've only had one argument with my fiance, others are more disagreements. And we did have ''make up sex,'' which made us both feel like all was forgiven. It's the ultimate sign that you've moved on. But, I have known couples who have great sex even when they're angry with each other. lol

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post #7 of 26 (permalink) Old 04-13-2017, 05:35 PM
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Re: Make up sex

Did anyone else think this thread was about wearing make up for sex? I've got at problem.....
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post #8 of 26 (permalink) Old 04-13-2017, 05:48 PM
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Re: Make up sex

I've never had make up sex in my life because my husband is PA and can't admit any wrong therefore we never have a big make up thing. Fml
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post #9 of 26 (permalink) Old 04-13-2017, 06:02 PM
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Re: Make up sex

There was a time when the only type of sex my wife would initiate, was make up sex. Which obviously meant first starting an argument about something totally irrelevant that would drive me nuts, so to speak. She later explained to me that it was a way for me not to feel that sex should be "easy" with her (if she wasn't my wife, I would call this bratty behaviour!). My theory on the other hand is/was that having those arguments was a way for her to muster together feelings for me, in order to be able to have sex with me and be able to feel something. I have no idea what the truth is.
After we had kids, she seems more practical (and grown up) about it and we sometimes have sex without arguing first. Which to me seems like less of a hassle. But then I have to "compensate" with dirty talk or make up some role play thing...Actually we never really have "normal" sex.

On the whole, make up sex can be wild; many times a really crazy argument would suddenly turn into animalistic sex in a blink of an eye; I really had to keep up sometimes to make sure I catch the right moment because if I tried to turn an actual argument into a sex session too soon...well, the frying pan would likely have a dent in it (from hitting my head).

It can certainly add to intensity because emotionally, you are all riled up and if you get your body and emotions lined up correctly, it can be really ecstatic, like sex on drugs or something (which I haven't done).

I can imagine that this may not suit some couples but because we always argued quite a bit (usually about nothing), it's never been a problem to have make up sex...
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post #10 of 26 (permalink) Old 04-13-2017, 06:19 PM
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Re: Make up sex

Quote:
Originally Posted by jorgegene View Post
i don't know if you can call this 'make up' sex, but there have been a few times when I was still mad at her

that she suggested we have sex. I would think to myself "i'm really not in the mood yet, but what the hell".

we were able to conclude things successfully. it worked.



I get mad at her maybe twice a year but it doesn't escalate. she's just too damn sweet to get really mad at.


That's angry sex or hate sex. Totally different thing. But also pretty satisfying.


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post #11 of 26 (permalink) Old 04-14-2017, 08:43 AM
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Re: Make up sex

I've never had make-up sex. Fights in our household drag on for weeks because my wife prefers to play the silent treatment game.

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post #12 of 26 (permalink) Old 04-14-2017, 09:46 AM
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Re: Make up sex

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Originally Posted by Fozzy View Post
I've never had make-up sex. Fights in our household drag on for weeks because my wife prefers to play the silent treatment game.


That's terrible. I am thankful my wife is not capable of holding grudges. The fights never last longer than 24h (or until sex) unless I hurt her with something really badly with and I don't recall doing this in the last 10-20 years.


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post #13 of 26 (permalink) Old 04-14-2017, 09:55 AM
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Cool Re: Make up sex

Quote:
Originally Posted by Vinnydee View Post
We often read about how great make up sex is after an argument and I have had my share with past girlfriends and an ex fiancée. I also had some in the early days of my marriage. However, last night I asked my wife when was the last time we had make up sex and she replied that she cannot remember when because we have not argued for at lease 3 decades of our 44+ marriage.

I have read that arguments are good for a marriage because it gets things out in the open rather than holding them in where they fester. I can vaguely remember some hot makeup sex when we were in our twenties but nothing else. Maybe that is why we have lasted long and have a happy marriage. Just wondering about others in long term marriages. Do you fight often? Do you have makeup sex and is makeup sex good for a marriage or is it just trying to bury real problems with sex? Opinions?
I'm absolutely envious!

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post #14 of 26 (permalink) Old 04-16-2017, 06:14 AM
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Re: Make up sex

I prefer flowers and a nice dinner out.
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post #15 of 26 (permalink) Old 04-19-2017, 02:45 PM
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Re: Make up sex

I'm a little surprised how few seem to have "make up sex"...I guess I'll be one of those who sheds another light on this ....

Me and my husband ALWAYS have make up sex... if we have a fight.. we WILL be doing it afterwards... it's just always been this way... even when my drive was lessor...

I can't say we fight a lot... at least neither of us would feel so.. the good far outweighs the bad.. maybe a good brawl about 2 -3 times a year.. sad to say these are always started by ME... I get upset over something.. it's almost always THAT time of month...something set me off, it's like my brain gets stuck on a hamster wheel.....the things I have fought about with him.. some men would LIKE to have this issue >> I want MORE SEX !!... I want him to be rougher.... these are dumb fights (the man loves sex.. I am just impatient with his "come on").... some of them are so ridiculous.. we have started laughing out loud in the midst of them...

It can get tense at times... then it's hilarious.. all sorts of emotions really...one of us will crack a smile, a joke, tell the other off, we get it out !@#.... we'll embrace, one thing with both of us that helps is.. even though I can be a hot head at times.. I am also very self aware ... I can admit my faults outright to him... even if I am pissed off... and he will admit where he's screwed up too...so we're humble at the same time -even if our emotions may be flaring...

It always ends in us finding our peace again...generally we bring some NEW understanding with us.. we'll both be apologizing for hurting each other.. we're good at making up !...I'll be telling him he's my everything.. how I can't stay away from him... he's happy I can't stay away...always very forgiving... then onto make up sex ! My husband's 1st post here was in reference to one of our silly fights.. I was growling at him.. we were fighting naked... we'll forever laugh over that one...ended with one of our funniest moments in bed...

He has accused me of fighting with him JUST for make up sex ... he says we could avoid all that...

For us... my husband could NOT do sex unless we are at peace with each other, back in each others arms.. some men may be able to do "Angry sex".. he's not one of them...actually I don't think I could either ... When we're mad at each other.. we both feel AWFUL, just a pit in our stomach feeling... this surely drives us closer ... working it out, with honesty.. whatever it takes...when we get to the embrace... the touchy /feely is on it's way..

I remember yrs ago, one fight in particular... forget what sparked it...these things always fade from my memory...it was on the heavy side....we do lay it ALL OUT there.. I remember feeling like I needed him LIKE AIR... it was intoxicating... it can be very .. it does stir the hormones.. no doubt about it.. I have posted that my "fighting style" can be volatile ... explained here > The CONFLICT thread...4 types...the 5 to 1 ratio in Marriage Conflicts... ... what it said is very true for us >>

Quote:
"For volatile couples, conflicts erupt easily, and are fought on grand scale, but of course, making up is even greater! These couples have passionate disputes, and frequent and passionate arguments.

According to Gottman, while volatile fight openly, they argue with a lot of wit, display fondness for each other, and have a great time making up. It seems that their volcanic arguments are just a small part of their warm and loving relationship.

It appears that passion and fighting lead to better relationships which include making up, laughing, and affection. So despite the level of their argument, they still resolve their differences.

Volatile couples see themselves as equals, and exhibit individuality and independence in their marriage. They are open with each other about their positive and negative feelings, and their marriages tend to be passionate and exciting.

Gottman’s research indicates that their frequent arguments are balanced out by their positive interactions such as touching, smiling, paying complements, and laughing, and so on. So these couples stick together for the long haul."


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