Long Term Success in MarriageIf you've been married 10+ years and consider your marriage a success, post your success story here. Help others by talking about what works for you.
I would like to start a thread on which I believe makes a successful marriage, which is a range of things like making dinner it not just 1 or 2 things but a range of issues you need to meet minimum to have success and lead a blissful life as 2. Please alter or add according to your experience or understanding.
Thanks.
Here is my list:-
It takes 2 to tango
Women like men helping out at home
Men need to feel valued
Mutal Respect
Me and You become us
Looking for the fun things in life
Tolerating each other in tough times
Whatever path lies ahead we will be happy together
A Man must be a hero to his wife and vice versa
Most Marriages Reach a critical point its important how you come through this point
Give time to repair your broken marriage try to fix it
Put your partners needs in front of yours
Sacrifice things you want in life
Find ways to make things work for both of yous
Care=Appreciation=Like=Love
Learn to give more than you get
Grow together and change together
Innovate together
Little things make a big impression
Making loving relationship is hard work
You and I become us
Dont go to bed angry make up before the morning
Don't cheat on each other either emotionally or sexually.
Have an independent sense of self worth; don't look for your spouse to make you whole or fill a void in yourself.
Be able to laugh easily, don't take everything seriously.
Pick your battles; not every disagreement is worth getting mad about
Don't let small issues grow into big problems. Nip problems in the bud before the issue gets bigger than both of you.
Learn to fight right without sarcasm, mockery, insults. Easier said than done, but a good skill to master.
You're a team. There's no "I" in team.
Be a good listener. Try to understand things from your spouse's point of view.
Be a good communicator. Don't assume your spouse knows what you want or can read your mind. Remember that nonverbal communication speaks louder than verbal communication.
Have a solid friendship with each other underlying your marriage.
Make room for fun each week. Married life isn't all about the bills, the kids, the housekeeping, your work obligations. Forget to have fun with each other and you'll soon find that your spouse has found someone else willing to have fun with him/her.
Make sure you both agree on money matters and your sex life which are two things that often drive a couple to divorce
To remember that this is life. You each have dreams and goals. Be supportive and not a dream-killer. Take care of each other and encourage each other to dream...even if it's a little scary
Whatever path lies ahead we will be happy together
A Man must be a hero to his wife and vice versa
Most Marriages Reach a critical point its important how you come through this point
Give time to repair your broken marriage try to fix it
Put your partners needs in front of yours
Sacrifice things you want in life
Find ways to make things work for both of yous
Care=Appreciation=Like=Love
Learn to give more than you get
I totally agree with all of these! the one thing that my husband and I need to work on is not going to bed angry with one another. My husband believes in that country song "Just let me be mad for a while."
We have this reading hanging in our bedroom. Trying to live by this (and great sex) has kept our marriage strong:
Start by giving freely, expecting nothing in return. Say easily both “I’m sorry” and “You’re forgiven.” Find one new interest to share each year you’re together. Give small gifts frequently and when not expected. Compliment each other, especially in front of friends (and family). Never bury anger or resentment, it will only produce bitterness and a hardened heart. Always listen to and respect each other’s opinions especially when they differ. Work equally hard on your relationship as you do in any career or outside interest. Never assume your loved one knows how you feel about them...unexpressed love has no power at all, but love spoken and shared brings joy. Treasure peace between you more than being right or having the last word. Know that there is no greater reward for loving than to grow old enjoying the life you’ve created together.
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The marriage bed must be a place of mutuality—the husband seeking to satisfy his wife, the wife seeking to satisfy her husband. Marriage is not a place to "stand up for your rights." Marriage is a decision to serve the other, whether in bed or out. 1 Corinthians 7:2 (The Message)
Some of the things I've picked up along the way... interesting question since my son is about to propose to his fiance. This is a list I'll pass on to him.
Be more interested in what you can give to your partner than what you can get from them.
Love is no game for the timid. Go large or go home.
Realize that your partner is your PARTNER. You cannot "win" in a contest or argument with them. You can only lose and lose worse. corollary: all "arguments" can be easily reshaped into a "what is best for us" conversation IF both participants want to.
Remember that the happiness comes from "us". It makes sense to prioritize "us" over me or thee.
Keep your eye on the ball. This decision you are about to make.. whatever it is... is it a decision towards divorce or happily-ever-after? Choose wisely because both things happen one choice at a time and pretty much all decisions go one way or the other.
SEE your partner... see and value them for who they really are not who you want them to be. Keep watching because people change and loving your real partner is really important.
Remember that your partner WILL hurt you. That's what "vulnerable" means. Try not to get too angry. Think of it as the inevitable price of admission for playing the love game.
If you're giving your partner a "gift" that only you value then it's not a gift for them, it's a gift for you. Don't expect them to appreciate it. If you want it to truly be a gift to them, then it must be something THEY value.
Whatever you're fighting about, is it really, really worth giving up snuggling when you go to bed? That's a pretty high price to pay.
If you haven't asked your partner recently how you can be a better partner to them... and stared at them until they actually answered... then you aren't as good a partner as you can be.
What other people think of your relationship means exactly nothing. What matters is the happiness it produces for the participants. Nobody else is entitled to a vote.
There are lots and lots of ways to build a relationship that work. Despite what our culture tells us, they are viable choices for some people and are worthy of, at least, some casual research and thought. You never know what might be best for you two.
You're not as wise as you think... or as smart or responsible or honorable. Try to remember that when your partner screws up.
Setting and enforcing boundaries is important... but that goes both ways... sometimes the boundary is the decision to go down with the ship rather than abandon it.
If your partner has a need, desire, or want, then there are really only three choices. You will fulfil it. They will find someone else to fulfil it. It will go unfulfilled. Each of those has costs and benefits. Choose wisely.
All of these things sound great and even though my wife and I are fully aware of them and believe that's what it takes, once we get all pissed off or stressed out unfortuneatly all those great pieces of advice get forgotten about and thrown out the window. And I love my wife and always will, but the past 3 years of our 7 year marriage have been really really ROUGH and has had us both questioning a lot of things the past few years(especially during the moments when we're pissed off at each other).
Last night I took my wife to dinner. I bought her a fruity ****tail with lots of vodka in it. (She rarely drinks.) We had a great meal, a long talk about whatever she wanted to talk about. Then I took her dancing. I can't dance but *she* can. We danced badly to everything from disco to southern rock to hip hop. Then we went to a hotel room.
These were the ingredients of a very successful marriage last night.
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Ingredients For A Successfull Marriage 
