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Old 01-12-2012, 11:45 AM   #16 (permalink)
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Default Re: Percentage of successful marriages that start as affairs?

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Originally Posted by tacoma View Post
If the common numbers cited above are correct then 70% of people cheat at one time or another.
Odds are that a vast majority of relationships involve at least one if not two cheaters.(odds are most relationships would involve two cheaters.)
The fact is that the vast majority of marriages do not fail.So past cheating is at best a poor barometer when considering the success of a marriage.

Where do you get this figure? From a quick search, I found the following:

50% percent of first marriages, 67% of second and 74% of third marriages end indivorce, according to Jennifer Baker of the Forest Institute of Professional Psychology in Springfield, Missouri.

According to enrichment journal on the divorce rate in America:
The divorce rate in America for first marriage is 41%
The divorce rate in America for second marriage is 60%
The divorce rate in America for third marriage is 73%


If the 50% percent overall rate that is so often thrown around is to be believed, the second set of numbers seems realistic. I recall having heard that the over all divorce rate for second and third marriages is higher than for first marriages.

I can't vouch for the basis for these numbers, but they are not wildly out of line with what others are saying.
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Old 01-12-2012, 12:09 PM   #17 (permalink)
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Default Re: Percentage of successful marriages that start as affairs?

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Where do you get this figure? From a quick search, I found the following:

50% percent of first marriages, 67% of second and 74% of third marriages end indivorce, according to Jennifer Baker of the Forest Institute of Professional Psychology in Springfield, Missouri.

According to enrichment journal on the divorce rate in America:
The divorce rate in America for first marriage is 41%
The divorce rate in America for second marriage is 60%
The divorce rate in America for third marriage is 73%


If the 50% percent overall rate that is so often thrown around is to be believed, the second set of numbers seems realistic. I recall having heard that the over all divorce rate for second and third marriages is higher than for first marriages.

I can't vouch for the basis for these numbers, but they are not wildly out of line with what others are saying.
From what I've read, the second set of numbers looks accurate. The divorce rate peaked in the 1980s and has declined since, and is still dropping today though fewer people marry. I saw a study (I have no link right now) that showed that the adultery rate is also dropping over time as fewer people find themselves in unhappy marriages. But I haven't seen any study that had solid numbers on the failure rate of marriages founded on adultery.

Of the people I've known who married after getting together through adultery, most seemed pretty insecure about themselves and each other. One couple spent a lot of time telling each other that each was the hottest person on the planet. I guess they had to prove to themselves that their cheating was inevitable, but at the same time won't happen in their current marriage because each of them is the best there is. But of course none of this adds up to anything when it comes to divorces rates for such marriages.
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Old 01-12-2012, 12:32 PM   #18 (permalink)
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Default Re: Percentage of successful marriages that start as affairs?

I don't know how accurate or reliable this is, but here's something I found.

A lesser known fact is that those who divorce rarely marry the person with whom they are having the affair. For example, Dr. Jan Halper’s study of successful men (executives, entrepreneurs, professionals) found that very few men who have affairs divorce their wife and marry their lovers. Only 3 percent of the 4,100 successful men surveyed eventually married their lovers.

Frank Pittman has found that the divorce rate among those who married their lovers was 75 percent. The reasons for the high divorce rate include: intervention of reality, guilt, expectations, a general distrust of marriage, and a distrust of the affairee.

Infidelity Statistics, Cheating Spouse Statistics - WomanSavers
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Old 01-12-2012, 08:36 PM   #19 (permalink)
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Default Re: Percentage of successful marriages that start as affairs?

I wonder if it counts as an 'affair' for statistical purposes if someone meets their next partner before their divorce is final?
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Old 02-02-2012, 03:04 AM   #20 (permalink)
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Default Re: Percentage of successful marriages that start as affairs?

most marriages will not be successful after an affair on average if you think otherwise you are fooling yourselves. Id agree with that percentage being right. Thing is things like jealousy, anger, pity, you question yourself question them. Question why they did it the list is endless. Its often to much for most people to come back from and often people who stay in those set relationships do it for other reasons as the love is dead and hope's for a stable or consummate love are all but gone.
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Old 02-02-2012, 03:10 AM   #21 (permalink)
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Default Re: Percentage of successful marriages that start as affairs?

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From what I've read, the second set of numbers looks accurate. The divorce rate peaked in the 1980s and has declined since, and is still dropping today though fewer people marry. I saw a study (I have no link right now) that showed that the adultery rate is also dropping over time as fewer people find themselves in unhappy marriages. But I haven't seen any study that had solid numbers on the failure rate of marriages founded on adultery.

Of the people I've known who married after getting together through adultery, most seemed pretty insecure about themselves and each other. One couple spent a lot of time telling each other that each was the hottest person on the planet. I guess they had to prove to themselves that their cheating was inevitable, but at the same time won't happen in their current marriage because each of them is the best there is. But of course none of this adds up to anything when it comes to divorces rates for such marriages.
the Divorce rate among college educated people within the same social class is at an all time low. However divorce rate among those who are not in that bracket might be higher. I know its higher among those who marry under the age of 24 and those who have children before marriage along with those who are low income/poverty. Statistically speaking at least
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Old 02-02-2012, 08:05 AM   #22 (permalink)
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Default Re: Percentage of successful marriages that start as affairs?

To zero in on the Op then my assumption is correct.

The 2.5% success rate I keep hearing about has no foundation.

Pittmans numbers are the best I can find and he states That 25 percent of affair marriages are successful/
That is a far cry from 2-3%.
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Old 02-02-2012, 08:08 AM   #23 (permalink)
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Default Re: Percentage of successful marriages that start as affairs?

I don't think there will ever be a "right" percentage" because if you poll a group of 100 it will have one percentage, if you poll a different group of 100 the following day, another percentage and on and on and on.

I do thi nk the #s prob aren't astronimically high for having started as an affair but who knows.
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Old 02-02-2012, 08:27 AM   #24 (permalink)
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I don't think there will ever be a "right" percentage" because if you poll a group of 100 it will have one percentage, if you poll a different group of 100 the following day, another percentage and on and on and on.

I do thi nk the #s prob aren't astronimically high for having started as an affair but who knows.
I agree they aren't high and any stats you see concerning people personal relationships are going to be skewed.

However that 2.5% number has always struck me as waaaay off.
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Old 02-02-2012, 08:49 AM   #25 (permalink)
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Default Re: Percentage of successful marriages that start as affairs?

Ya know, I can't even give a # I think would be "average" -- I guess it's one of those things we will never know.
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Old 02-02-2012, 09:22 AM   #26 (permalink)
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Default Re: Percentage of successful marriages that start as affairs?

My dad is still married to his mistress 16 years later
My wife is still with me and didnt marry her OM


so 50%
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Old 02-02-2012, 09:29 AM   #27 (permalink)
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^^ True facts
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Old 02-02-2012, 09:41 AM   #28 (permalink)
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Default Re: Percentage of successful marriages that start as affairs?

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My dad is still married to his mistress 16 years later
My wife is still with me and didnt marry her OM


so 50%
Works for me.
It`s about as objective as any other numbers I`ve seen
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Old 02-02-2012, 09:51 AM   #29 (permalink)
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Default Re: Percentage of successful marriages that start as affairs?

MY dad & Step Mom's was one of the favorable statistics -not only has it lasted, but they were "meant to be", never any problems in their marraige at all, still hopelessly in love after 35 yrs... the way she talked about my dad in a Hospital waiting room one day last year -got me all teary eyed. No force would have stopped these 2 from getting together.

Only thing good about them was....they didn't hide it when it started to happen, my step mom was my Mom's best friend, my mom didn't love my dad, the marriage was a disaster.

My Step Mom's husband used to be my dad's best friend!! (the 4 of them lived close to each other -all friends).... What a triangle it was. I was a casualty of that affair but you know what, I thank God for my step Mom today, she is amazingy with my dad, some of his health problems, their marriage has been a fine fine example to me ... even if her parenting skills left much to be desired in my teen yrs.
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Old 02-02-2012, 11:27 AM   #30 (permalink)
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Default Re: Percentage of successful marriages that start as affairs?

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...Personally, I would think there is an aspect of moral caliber in play. It takes a lot of work to make 15-20 years. The idea of sorry, just not in love anymore so I think I will have an affair, versus I need to work on my marriage are not learned differences in my opinion. People will yield to one thought or the other. Some will cave into a fantasy and others will not...
Im not sure I buy into 'moral caliber' as much as I used to. Or rather - I think that opportunity and means play the larger part than many would like to believe. There are studies out there that demonstrate this from children to adults and across professions and backgrounds... that if given the opportunity to do something.. people (for example) keep a found wallet or cheat on a test.

If this is true.. and lets for arguments sake say that it is - I feel that it also means that it is more 'dangerous' to allow ourselves to get into a ethically hazardous situation (such as flirting outside the marriage with a willing participant) than many believe.

Virtue untested is merely innocence, someone said. But allowing yourself to get in the position of being tested is folly.

Just babbling... sorry if that is badly off topic.

Last edited by anotherguy; 02-02-2012 at 01:04 PM.
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