01-31-2012, 07:09 PM
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: On a clear day, I can see Mt. Rainier ... but you can't count on the days to be clear here ...
| | Not Committed to Marriage (Article by a Man giving a Man's perspective)
This may come as a shock to many, but I'm not committed to my marriage. Maybe it's because I'm male. Maybe it's just me. Maybe most people are like me - I don't know, but I've come to realize that I don't think about what we need to do to make this marriage work. I don't think about how we need to talk things out when one of us is being a knothead in order to have a healthy marriage. I never think about how it takes work to have a good marriage. In fact, thinking about those things is tiring. I can see why it would scare many people, and would seem like something that is strained and unsustainable.
I am committed to that lady I've been with for the last 27 years. I like to bring home things I know she needs. I like to bring things home that she may not need, but I know she'll like. I like accepting things from her because I know she likes doing the same thing for me. I like talking with her, and honestly, I like arguing with her sometimes as well - we get a lot of good ideas in those arguments. I like doing things I know she likes even though I don't always know what that is - usually, she has to tell me (I don't take hints well).
I like how it always feels secure because even though she does things differently from how I would do them, she always has our family's best interests in mind. If she makes a mistake, that's okay - I know she'll correct it. It may cost us, but hey, I've made those kinds of mistakes as well. I can handle all of that because of that first statement - I am very secure in the knowedge that she always has our family's best interests in mind when she does what she does. That knowledge frees me up to do the things I need to do.
I'm not always the greatest at recognizing her emotional needs, but I am doing what I do because I am also thinking about what our family needs. I like that she understands that and encourages me to do that. I also like that she isn't afraid to tell me when she needs something - even if that need isn't material.
I like seeing her in the house when we are both home. I like hearing her voice whether she's singing while working, or scolding the dog for getting on the couch. I like how the tone of her voice changes if I hug her from behind while she's working and tell her I love her. I like how she teasingly uses exaggerated words of respect when she presents me with a perfectly cut apple or peach. I like how she smiles if I bring her a cup of tea. I like seeing her personality expressed in the decor of our house. I like how she thinks that some parts of the house should be decorated according to my taste. I like how she's not afraid of me and will disagree if needed, or will voice her opposition if I'm expecting too much from her. I do what I need to do to keep these things happening.
I'm not committed to my marriage. I'm committed to the woman I chose to love, and that committment is called "Marriage." That's not a matter of semantics in my mind. It's the difference between something that would be tiring and unsustainable and something that is natural, pleasant, and real.