So, after reading shy_guy's very insightful post about what he (and for similar men) would like from women, I think it's also fair for us to do the same.
I titled the post to be similar to shy_guy's. It made me laugh when someone posted that all she thought her husband heard was "blah blah blah Musinex
blah blah blah liquid
" because I often think all men hear is the voice from Charlie Brown.
Anyhoo... here's my best stab at something similar.
============================================== 1. Please listen and not just hear us when we speak.
There are differences to the two: hearing
us is basically hearing background noise. "Pick up deodorant
is when you actually got the details of what we were saying. "Pick up the same deodorant I use
". This is where I also fall into the trap of ASSUMING he knows or HOPING he'd be smart enough to check out what deodorant I use or know to go to where I keep it to find out. I learned that I have to specifically say what brand, what scent and sometimes what it looks like. I had to get over the fact that he doesn't care to waste time to figure all that stuff out when it was easier for me to tell him.
: Hearing only "Pick up deodorant" Women FAIL
: Be specific. STOP assuming he knows. 2. Reciprocate. Myth
: Women/Wives love to clean the house, do laundry, cook dinner... yada yada. Truth
: We (or majority of us) do it because we like a clean house, clean clothes and food.. not because we enjoy it. We (or marjority of us) would also prefer to come home, sit in front of the TV and have things magically done for us.
We nag/b!tch because we have a reason to. If we feel like we are doing more work than you are, that'll begin the nagging/b!tching. I would prefer that while I'm cooking dinner, H is putting in a load of laundry or putting away dishes. Then we can eat together, cleanup and wash the dishes together and then have our down time TOGETHER. It really irritates me that as soon as I get home, I'm busting my butt to prepare dinner, wash/put away the dishes from that morning, have supper ready for H then have him retire himself to the den after dinner so he can relax only to leave me in the kitchen to clean up and wash more dishes. You think I'm going to be happy after that? NOPE.
Share the chores, share the nag free quiet happiness together. I'm working on this by the way...it's not a free ticket! 3. Just because we're married, it doesn't mean I'm dead.
I know this is an issue for many people and we're no different. Each couple differs in in this department though. Personally, I would love it if my H complimented me more. I get the odd "you're cute" every few months
. That's the extent. This wouldn't be an issue if there were physical things he did to show me that he's still attracted. I'm not asking for a compliment about everything, every day but it would be so nice to be complimented on odd days or when I put an extra effort.
Of course I can't put anything to do with sexuality in this post because being on here long enough has taught me that both men and women can be sexually deprived. So nothing in this department. 4. Talking about your issues/feelings is NOT a sign of weakness.
Ok, we get it. If you "talk about your feelings" other guys might think you're lame or a pansy. But what you fail to realize is that you would save yourself and your wife or S.O. so much wasted energy and time by just spitting it out. By not telling us what's going on, we automatically ASSUME and that's when we get creative with our thoughts. On the flip side, we women should also STOP saying the word "fine" or "It's fine". This does nothing but piss off men. Communicate, communicate, communicate!! Men FAIL
: Talking about my feelings is lame. It'll go away. Women FAIL
This can go on and on and is not an exhaustive list but a good start I would think.
I also have to put a disclaimer
that every situation is different. I am NOT painting everyone with the same brush but merely stating some things that are ON AVERAGE, a pretty good representation of situations.
And remember; Men, you fight with fists and are physical about it. We, on the other hand, do not... we fight a great game of mental warfare
Like it, love it, hate it... it's my view/opinion.