VulturesRow

Been married to a wonderful woman for many years.

I have had some insecurities about my relationship with her pop up (am I good enough, what does she see in me, etc.) and wonder if anyone has ever gone through anything like this. IMHO, things have been better as of late, but there is still this little twinge that I get (not near as often as it used to be)............it has been much easier to control lately though...............

How do you deal with this??

johnnycomelately

I think that you would be a narcissist twat if you never had insecurities or doubts. They are nature's way of preventing complacency.

If it has a major negative affect on your marriage then worry. I simply try and list my good qualities in my head.

Do some exercise or improve yourself in some way. It gives you that new-haircut positivity.

VulturesRow

I think that if had not gotten it under control, it could have been REALLY bad for us. That was the last thing that I wanted I can assure you!!

The initial feelings were incredibly intense.........never experienced anything like that in my entire life.

I have started doing things for me..............little more exercise, getting back into some old hobbies, etc. and that has helped dramatically.

Would love to hear some more feedback............

Goldmember357

This is typical behavior exhibited by those who really love another of course its normal. You feel what did i deserve to have such a wonderful person in my life?

Best of luck

Yes they are normal feelings IMO

Kurosity

For every fault list a strength. That is how I do it. It keeps me balanced and then I see what my H sees in me too so I don't think that I am not good enough.

Catherine602

You said this is the first time this has happened to you. What made you insecure? Did you suspect cheating?
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shy_guy

There are times when I wonder how I ever landed in such a good situation with such a good companion ... she expresses that to me, too, so I suppose I'll take her at her word. I don't know if the depth of what we're feeling is comparable, but I definitely stop and wonder how I ended up with someone so good ...

Catherine602

I feel the same way I lucked out big time and it is not because I deserved it. It seems to be the luck of the draw.

Reading here convinces me that people don't earn the pain they must endure. The corollary is that the lucky ones don't earn it either.

__________________
"Hey some guys need a book to find the G-spot. It was intuitive for me. Some take the road less travelled." Enthropy 3000

Dr. Rockstar

In my experience, this feeling of unworthiness is based in a more general problem with low self-esteem, possibly tied to a previous relationship (I had a breakup in hu school that was so epically bad that it impacted all my relationship choices for a decade thereafter), it is more likely to be there from childhood or adolescence. Low self-esteem is itself a form of narcissism. Instead of "Hey everybody, look at how awesome I am!" it's "Hey everybody, look at how pathetic I am!" Sometimes you may require professional help to get back on track. I did.

Tying it directly back to marriage, try to remember that your wife is just as human as you are. Sometimes all it takes is being reminded of your successes. The next time you ask her about all the things she sees in you, makea list and carry it around. In my wallet I carry a love note my wife wrote to me on our first anniversary. So it doesn't have to be anything major.

...

Consider this bottom portion separate because I'll probably get some disagreement. But to step really out of the box, but there's probably one or two things you've always wanted to do with her but were afraid to ask because you were sure she'd say no. Ask her anyway. It could be anything from couples bungee jumping to posing for a candid shot in your favorite lingerie. It's important to not beg or take advantage of this too much. But asking her to do something just outside her comfort zone might prove to you that she wants to make you happy just as much as you obviously want to make her.
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desert-rose

Build up your confidence by focusing on things you are good at sometimes.

Write her a love letter and include lots of specifics about her that you're proud of or that you like or admire. Ask her to do the same for you. It might be the kind of ego boost you need.

She is with you for whatever reason matters to her. That should be good enough reason for you. If you are really worried that you're not good enough for her, then make yourself better in the ways that you think count so that you won't be so insecure.

Exercise, pay attention to your wardrobe and appearance, nurture some hobbies, have a friend with whom you do stuff outside the house (not a woman; insecure people should not get too close to members of the opposite sex because that's a boundary violation waiting to happen), set goals for yourself and achieve them. Be more positive.

No one likes a person who can't stand himself. Learn how to love yourself. A little self-doubt is normal and healthy, but too much becomes toxic.

heavensangel

I Love this! Thanks for sharing!!!!

__________________
Courage: is not having the strength to go on……..It is going on when you don’t have the strength

heavensangel

I Love this! Thanks for sharing!!!!

__________________
Courage: is not having the strength to go on……..It is going on when you don’t have the strength

the guy

Be the best you can be, and when you feel good about what you do and how you do it thenno matter if its your spouse or the guy next door, you will have a vib around you.

Some folks use ego as a bad word, I personaly think ego is a good word and once you start doing the things that make you happy and you have boundries that prevent you from getting beat down then you holf ypur head up and say " I diserve good things".

A perfect examble is your wife, you diserve good things, thats why you have a good wife.

Sure its a b!tch but sometime you just have to repeat "I diserve good things" over and over again, especially when poeple don't see it your way :-)