ADVICE- I don't feel comfortable around husband's family!!
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Old 05-19-2012, 06:02 PM   #1 (permalink)
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Default ADVICE- I don't feel comfortable around husband's family!!

Hi, I am looking for advice..My husband and I have only been married for a short time and I have only recently met his family. He has very close and large family that gets together often. Most of them drink, while I'm a recovering alcoholic. I simply feel uncomfortable around drinking period, especially if is in excess. Also I feel excluded from conversations and stay off to the side. My husband understands how I feel about not being around alcohol, however I feel like I am letting him down because I can't help but feeling uncomfortable. Another issue is he has grown children, one of which has been negative about our marriage period. I don't want to be around someone who has said bad things about our relationship. I'm beginning to think my marriage won't work out because of these issues I have explained. I definitely don't look forward to holidays...my family lives in another state, so we do not see each other often. I hate feeling this way, dreading seeing them. Any advice?? Thank you.
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Old 05-19-2012, 07:14 PM   #2 (permalink)
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Default Re: ADVICE- I don't feel comfortable around husband's family!!

Had you met these people before you married?

What is it about their drinking that bothers you? Is it that they act drunk? Or does it temp you to drink?

What have you done to build relationships with his relatives? Trying to get to know them when they are in a large group can be hard to accomplish. But perhaps you could pick out one or two of them to start with and invite them to do things with you and/or at your home... it's the old divide and conquer.
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Old 05-25-2012, 06:05 AM   #3 (permalink)
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Default Re: ADVICE- I don't feel comfortable around husband's family!!

I think it just a drinking guys in your family who scares you.if u really want to continue the relationship you should learn how to make adjustment.
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Old 05-25-2012, 06:53 AM   #4 (permalink)
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Default Re: ADVICE- I don't feel comfortable around husband's family!!

I think, which advice to give you depends a lot on your husband's attitude towards this situation. Is he usually drinking with them? Is he holding back drinking with them because of you (otherwise he would)? Or is he generally also kind of repelled by their drinking?

About the child who disagrees with your relationship: This is probably an inner game issue for you that you have to deal with. You cannot control how others talk or act about pretty much anything, you can only learn to control how you feel about it (upset or rather unaffected).
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Old 05-31-2012, 05:36 PM   #5 (permalink)
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Default Re: ADVICE- I don't feel comfortable around husband's family!!

^^^That is brilliant.

Look more at yourself and at your husband than his family. If he's supportive and you feel comfortable, who cares what they think? If relationships with them are important to your husband, then he should tell you that and you can work together with him to make that happen.
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Old 10-21-2013, 09:05 PM   #6 (permalink)
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Default Re: ADVICE- I don't feel comfortable around husband's family!!

Just don't do anything they can use against you until you figure out your next direction. Don't say anything odd, don't make it more awkward with comments and with the grown children, always make yourself seem pleasant. If your pleasant it'll start to be obvious that it's them knowing to accept and not you starting conflicts. My spouses aunt cussed me out and of course I wanted to talk back but the best thing was to walk away, because no matter what I would've said, it would've been focused on more then what she said to me in the first place. Of course therapy does work as well.
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Old 10-21-2013, 09:11 PM   #7 (permalink)
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Default Re: ADVICE- I don't feel comfortable around husband's family!!

If your husband is on your side and puts you first, you should be able to survive his family. Many relationships survive a difficult in-law situation, in fact it's kind of a classic problem. As for when you have to be there, I wonder if there's any relative that doesn't drink? Perhaps you could kind of befriend that person so you have more moral support there? Perhaps you could also ask your husband if he'd show solidarity with you by not drinking?
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Old 10-23-2013, 12:05 PM   #8 (permalink)
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Default Re: ADVICE- I don't feel comfortable around husband's family!!

Does your husband stand up for your marriage to his child that is against it? If not you need to tell him that bothers you, if he does. I would just blow them off.

Not much you can do about his family drinking. Hanging out with a non drinker is an option if there is one you get along with. But I would hope your husband is on your side and limits your exposure for your own good.
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